I am a planner. I love a good goal, a New Year’s resolution, and a five-year plan.
A good resolution can help me identify where I am, where I want to go, and how to get there.
However, a bad goal/resolution is a roadblock at best and a tool of self-sabotage, guilt, and shame at worst. That helps no one, least of all me. Like April, I don’t find a resolution mindset that requires perfection to be helpful.
One scripture helped me transform my approach to goals and resolutions. The Pharisees were challenging Jesus about his and his disciples’ sabbath day activities, including plucking ears of corn on the sabbath day. Jesus shares an example of King David, who “when he had a need, and was hungred,” he and those with him went to the high priest and ate the shewbread, which was only for the priests.
Mark 2:27, “And he said unto them, The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath.”
I am not a bible scholar, but I understand that Jesus believed in essential needs that outweighed the laws and rules set to keep the sabbath holy. People were not made to obey every rule, law, and expectation taught to them about the sabbath—the sabbath was made to help people rest.
I’ve applied this concept to goals and resolutions. I create goals to help me. I was not created to serve my (or anyone else’s) goals.
My birthday falls in mid-October, and for many years I have used my birthday as the main date for evaluating my year and setting goals and resolutions. At the new year, I review those goals and revise them as needed. Two and a half months into those goals, I have some sense of the progress I have made and how I can either adjust my goal or adjust my behavior. If the goal is good, but I need to change something, I may build in greater accountability and structure. I revise the goal if I’ve been unrealistic about my goal or timeline or have new circumstances or knowledge to consider.
I am a writer and suspect that I always will be. This is true regardless of my productivity or the outcome of my writing. Sometimes I write tens of thousands of new words per month. Sometimes (like when I’ve moved across states, or had a new baby, or have fallen ill, or have a major surgery, or am suddenly homeschooling during a global pandemic, etc.), I write very little at all. The goals I set about writing help me focus my energy to carve out time on my calendar, break down the project into steps, get my butt into my chair, and get words on paper. My goals help me get more writing done. BUT, if for any of the reasons mentioned above or anything else, I am not reaching the goal I set, I can change the goal. The goal is to help me do what I want to do—it serves me, I do not serve it.
My favorite books on goals and habit building are Better than Before and The Four Tendencies, both by Gretchen Rubin. In the first book, which is more memoir style, Rubin develops the framework of the four tendencies, which help classify how a person responds to internal and external expectations. When someone understands their tendencies, they can better build the framework and support they need to build habits that work for them and achieve the goals they want. The second book is a deeper dive into each of the tendencies and the implications of each style. It is a more broadly appealing self-help book and less of a memoir. You can take a free online quiz to help determine your type. Understanding my own tendency (I’m an upholder) has helped me identify which expectations I can let go and how to build the framework that works best for me. It also helped me better understand my husband, who has a different tendency.
I am publishing this on January 9. Never fear if you set a New Year’s resolution that you think you somehow already failed. You are not the servant of your resolution. What is the underlying goal? Revise your resolution, add support and accountability, shelve the goal for a later time if needed, and rest or keep moving as YOU need.
You create goals to support you. You were not created to serve your goals.
What are your goals or resolutions for 2024? Do you have a favorite book or resource you use to support your goals? Share in the comments!
Love this! “The goal is to help me do what I want to do—it serves me, I do not serve it.” Thank you! My focus this year is to pay more attention to cycles – my body’s cycles, the cycles of the moon and seasons, the cycles of life for my children.
I love this and needed to read this. Thank you so much for writing it!
Yes! I love this scripture so much too, for just the reason you describe. I also really appreciate your line near the end: “You are not the servant of your resolution.” I have had such a hard time learning this, and I’ve avoided for a long time making formal resolutions because it feels so easy to me to build a little goal structure that I then trap myself in.
But I do always think less formally about things I want to do more of (read interesting books that people have recommended to me, sleep, exercise) and things I want to do less of (play video games).