Blog Tag: faith journeys
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killing my well-behaved woman: critical work of midlife
As a girl, I learned only to behave. I was timid and quiet. I raised my hand to answer questions, to get permission. I followed the rules. I did my homework. I obeyed my parents. I obeyed the law. I rarely questioned. I learned the order of things. And submitted as asked even when it insulted my own soul. I learned to dream small. I dreamed the prescribed dream. At least that was all I acknowledged.I wondered why God made me woman. I wondered why my place was below man’s. But also learned the unspoken rule that there are...
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Guest Post: My Apology for My Complicity
by Monika Crowfoot
First of all, I want to apologize. I want to apologize for my complicity and support of a religious institution that was inherently racist, oppressive, and prejudiced. And to do my part in honoring Juneteenth, not just today but everyday, we are dismantling white supremacist systems in our home.
I grew up Mormon. My culture was Mormon. I did not speak my language because my parents feared I would have an accent. They were beaten in government boarding schools for speaking their language. With every whip and every pounding fist, their culture died.
My mother went on the Indian...
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Guest Post: Mormonism as a Muse
by Elle Mae
"A place that wasn't quite Zion, but tried." (Hunt Steenblik, Rachel. "Jane." I Gave Her A Name.)
Mormonism lives in a tender place in my body. I carry it with me at all times. In the past, it has felt like a thirsty desert--crying out for rain. A special brand of anger. Other times, the anger radiates in my body and feels like it cannot be contained. Sometimes, I have no words. I remember "Jesus wept."
What do you say when the most beautiful nurturing place in your life has been dangerous and cruel all along? What do you...
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So you Want me Back at Church?
So you say want me to come back to church?
Why? Do you really want ME? Do you really love me and want me to bring my whole self to church, just how I am right now? Or do you want my body there and not my mind and spirit? Do you need me to believe your creed and perform your checklist? Do you need me to bite my tongue about anything outside the whitewashed sacralized narrative?
Will you give me space to speak my mind even if I disagree with ward members, and especially if I disagree with church leaders?...
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Can you Trust in the Character of God?
Throughout my faith transition I have had to wrestle with the construct of “God” in an entirely new way. In my childhood, and throughout my time as a traditionally believing Mormon, I was taught to see God as a Father figure. Stern, but loving, omniscient, omnipotent. I heard testimonies that God loves each of us and is involved in the details of our lives. I heard testimonies that God gives us trials to teach us certain things. I heard testimonies that God gives trials to others to teach us things. I heard testimonies that we are God’s chosen people...
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You Can Leave the Church, but They Won’t Leave You Alone
The church promised me that I would be happy if I was living according to the Gospel, but I wasn’t. It didn't work for me the way it did for so many around me. There came a time when I could no longer believe the truth claims of the church I had dedicated my life to. Instead of giving up, I tried for years to regain my testimony. This endeavor gave me a great deal of spiritual anguish. I showed up week after week in my ward, read scriptures daily, family home evening weekly, fulfilled my callings, supported my spouse,...
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Christmas After Faith Transition
My earliest Christmas memories are of deep drifts of snow visiting my grandparents house in New England. They lived on top of a big hill, and sometimes when it was too icy, we had to wade up the hill through heavy drifts of snow. The snow made for fun snow fights and sledding, and defrosting afterward as we hung our wet things by the large wood-burning stove in the basement. Every Christmas Eve there was a reading of the nativity story from Luke, while the children dressed to play the various parts with robes and other costume pieces gathered...
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When God doesn’t intervene
I grew up hearing a message that Heavenly Father answers prayers and brings peace and assurance to us in our pain. This is a beautiful message, but I have often struggled to see it manifested in my life.
Five years ago, I was in a dark place. My family had recently moved to Provo, Utah, and I was struggling to make new friends. I was frequently fasting and praying for spiritual guidance as I had entered what felt like a ‘faith crisis’, and the heavens were silent. I was pregnant and we had just purchased our first home and were...
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All’s Not Well in Zion
This week I had a chance to meet with my friend Melissa for lunch. Melissa stopped attending church 10 years ago. She thought her family was finally adapted to her different feelings about church, and recognized that she was living a good moral life. She shared with me that she had recently supported the “Protect LDS Children” movement on Facebook; and subsequently, the heartache she felt due to the reaction of her family. She decided to come out publicly in support of the movement after following recent events in the media and reflecting on various experiences she knows about....
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Milk Before Meat so Where’s the beef?
When my third child finally weaned at 15 months of age, he seemed to have the flu all-the-time. Diarrhea that would shoot out of the diaper and down his legs at times and smell particularly foul. I had to take him out of cloth diapers and splurge on disposables for a while (he needed a full-on bath after most diapers).
For months I tried elimination diets and allergy free foods. I tried keeping him off eggs, dairy, corn, gluten, etc. It was hard. Gradually a gastroenterologist confirmed that he likely had a dairy protein intolerance. Keeping him off milk, cheese,...
What is Exponent II?
Exponent II provides Mormon feminist forums for women and gender minorities across the Mormon spectrum to share their diverse life experiences in an atmosphere of trust and acceptance. Through these exchanges, we strive to create a community to better understand and support each other.
Exponent II was founded in 1974 by a group of Mormon women in Cambridge, Massachusetts. These women were inspired by the original periodical, “The Woman’s Exponent,” to create a forum “posed on the dual platforms of Mormonism and Feminism.”
For 50+ years, Exponent II has shared women’s voices in its quarterly magazine, and members of the community have convened at an annual retreat. Our reach has expanded as technology has advanced: the blog, founded in January 2006, has reached millions. As we look to the future, we are focused on growth and building a more inclusive community.
