Looming large in this tapestry you’ve woven,

In the warp and woof of misdirection

That dangling thread.

I could be dead; will I keep my head?

I grasped the end and gave a pull;

Didn’t know it’d all unravel.

A prayer in a grove;

In vision, gods spoke above.

History of a golden book;

it’s messy. Dare I look?

I turn the pages–

The weft unravels through the ages.

Mortal prophecies misspoken

and onward my heart is broken.

Secrets and lies litter my memories of the sacred;

Over and under can’t repair this skipped thread

Buried pains, unanswered questions, springing loose from the loom.

Days and nights I spend seeking in my room

Forbidden knowledge; dare I bite the fruit?

Will I find the map of life I’ve followed—moot?

Didn’t have to submit;

Thought God wanted it.

Coercion and shame;

It was all a power game.

I gave mine away;

thought I had to stay.

Did what was asked; throughout my past,

But never sure of my salvation.

Tried so hard; looked up to the administration.

They spoke with God didn’t they? —Why won’t they say?

And now I’ve stepped away.

Gathering up the threads I take a seat in my own fate.

Form a weave of love; no longer will I wait

For someone else to speak for God and take the lead.

If she is there she’ll know my need, understand my deed.