One of my Young Women leaders made a point to tell all the young women (12-17) to make sure they stay away from tank tops, sleeveless dresses, short shorts, and leggings, because even though we live in AZ and it’s 100 degrees outside, keeping our bodies covered was the most important thing — we couldn’t let our young men slip into temptation! Never mind passing out from the heat because you’re wearing so many layers to protect the boys from sexual sin !!
– MB
We were having Young Women/Young Men stake camp one summer. The stake sent out a huge packet of info about the camp, including a warning that the river was fast-moving and could be hazardous. The girls were told to wear shorts over their already modest swimsuits, and if they could wear a T-shirt over top as well, that would be even better. The boys, of course, received no such rule.
When I expressed grave concern to the stake that having the girls fully dressed while swimming in a dangerous river was a horrible idea, I was told that the stake president had decided that was the rule, so that was the rule. Once again, it is more important to police girls’ bodies than to keep their bodies safe.
– Anonymous
When I was 17 years old, I was the Laurel president and one of the most vocal young women in my age group. I also did not (very conspicuously so) adhere to the For the Strength of Youth when it came to suggestions for modest dress. There was a particular Sunday where I was super excited to wear my new sleeveless (but with thick straps) sundress to church, knowing that I would be presiding over announcements before splitting off into all the different age groups for Young Women. I could tell my leaders weren’t particularly enthused by my outfit choice, but I didn’t realize how much so until after church when I received a group message from one of my leaders about how proud she was of all the Laurel girls who covered their shoulders and wore appropriately lengthened dresses to church because they were setting the proper example for the younger girls. They were 11/10’s, so what did that make me? I remember crying so hard when reading that message because no matter how cute I felt in that dress (that was very appropriate for church), all my leaders could see was a need to passive aggressively shame me into wearing their idea of modest clothes to church because they felt so much shame and sexualization of the cisgender female body. That day, I felt marginalized for my expression of self through my outfit just because it showed my shoulders. Not only did I feel ashamed, but the people who shamed me were women themselves. That’s what makes me the saddest. The internalized shame, policing, and objectification of women within the church’s youth programs disgusts me. It needs to change, and change fast.
– MB
As part of opening exercises in Young Women’s each week, we sang “Head Shoulders Knees and Toes” as a group. As we sang we touched our heads to make sure our shirt didn’t rise up enough to reveal our stomachs, touched our shoulders and knees to make sure they were covered, and touched our toes to make sure our skirt didn’t rise up too high in the back. This practice started as a way of “encouraging” the young women to dress modestly.
– KJ
They did this in our ward in Primary. The Primary President led it.
– Anonymous
My sister in law said they did this in her Relief Society recently. Grown women forced to do this. Absurd.
– NE
I remember the girls doing this a few times in seminary… totally forgot about it until now. It was humiliating.
– MP
Pro Tip: When we look at women and girls through the lens of the male gaze and what men might think or feel when looking at them, we are sexualizing their bodies. Shaming women for their bodies or clothing choices is harmful. Making rules that prioritize keeping female bodies covered at the expense of keeping them safe or appropriately attired for the activity are absolutely unconscionable and should be revoked immediately.
Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.
“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)
6 Responses
These stories are horrifying.
I was dressed very modestly—in frumpy jumpers and baggy moo-moo type dresses—each time I was abused by a church leader, so there is absolutely no reason to be objectifying and targeting innocent young women and women in this way.
The head, shoulders, knees, and toes story is absolutely horrific. And the fact that wards are doing this from Primary to Relief Society age??? I’m too shocked and appalled to form a coherent sentence around this.
It was my ward where they did it in Primary.
My daughter was barely potty trained when she learned for the first time that her body was shameful and existed to be hidden.
I was livid but didn’t feel I had enough authority to speak up.
Now I sure as heck would.
It makes me extra sad that we’ve taken what was an actual fun song for primary (with movement! for kids!) and turned it into another way to police modesty. What a sad corruption!
And the stories about YW being required to wear extra clothes over their swimsuits–yikes! I think you’re spot on, MB, about the striking contrast here between concern for modesty (high) versus concern for actual safety (low). It’s so totally messed up.
I was amazed that my singles ward in Las Vegas was full of women who wore sleeveless and/or above-the-knee dresses without self-consciousness. It gave me the confidence to do the same–right up until I moved back home, where those dresses would make me stand out in a bad way. I was not brave enough to dress how I wanted when it went against the status quo. And now I’m endowed, so it’s a moot point.