June is Pride Month – and it’s also Flag Day, the Army’s birthday and the lead up to Independence Day (in America). All of these celebrations include flying flags. I’m an LGBTQ+ ally and a military spouse of over 21 years, so I fly both flags together. In my mind, this shouldn’t bother anyone. In reality, it bothers a lot of people.
People around me rarely get mad about the American flag, but boy, do some people get upset with the rainbow flag. Some go as far as to insist that the only flag flown ever, anywhere, should be the American flag. For example, I pulled these comments off of the internet:
Those are the least offensive comments that I found and am willing to share.
I realize the people posting these types of comments are generally trying to support me, a military spouse. To that motive, I say thank you! I’ve survived years of deployments and dealt with pregnancy, childbirth, miscarriage, surgery, babies and endless childcare all on my own. My son is named after a close friend who was almost killed by the Taliban in Afghanistan when I was pregnant, and I know widows whose husbands never returned. My country isn’t perfect, but I fly my American flag proudly and I’m very grateful to live in a land of freedom. I understand the sacrifice made by members of the military to keep it this way.
Lest there be any question of how much I love the flag, the following is a small sample of my flag oriented activities in the past. The first is when I organized a Veteran’s Day event for my large girl scout troop and their families, when I invited a veteran to teach us how to properly retire American flags.
Next is the time I took my family to the airport to welcome home WWII soldiers from an “Honor Flight” to see their memorials in Washington, D.C. We lined the airport garage with dozens of flags to welcome them back:
I’ve taken my kids multiple times to “Healing Fields” with flags representing those who died on September 11th and military members ever since. I’ve even helped set up and run them on more than one occasion during May (Military Appreciation Month).
Starting top left and going clockwise in the photo collage below: a flag with messages on my garage door after a deployment, giant flag in the national WWII museum in New Orleans, my youngest daughter holding a flag during a very early morning drop off for another deployment, hiking to a flag above Herriman, Utah with my dog, my husband and the governor of Utah with a flag in the Middle East only days before I gave birth alone at home, and a Memorial Day giant flag over Grove Creek Canyon:
And finally, these are flags my neighbors lined our street with at the end of yet another year+ long deployment:
I’ve loved the American flag my entire life, and I find myself tearing up over patriotic displays, music and flags. I know firsthand the sacrifice that so many have made for our freedom.
I also tear up when I see pride flags. Someone put one up in their back window directly across the street from the middle school my kids attend, and I know they did that for all of the queer teenagers who need to know they’re loved. I cried the first time I saw it there.
Over the years my neighborhood showed their love and support for me, a military spouse, with the American flags on my street. In a world where it’s increasingly easy to feel invisible, these flag displays made me feel supported and recognized for my contributions and sacrifice.
There are members of every community that are LGBTQ+ – some are out, and many are still closeted. I love the queer people I’ve been privileged to know, and putting up flags to celebrate them is a beautiful thing to me. I want my queer neighbors to feel the same acceptance from their community when they see a pride flag that my family felt from American flags during deployments. Neither flag diminishes the importance of the other in any way.
And just like I would feel unsafe if the flags welcoming my husband home were stolen or vandalized, the LGBTQ+ community certainly feels unsafe when their flags are torn down or destroyed. Unfortunately with pride flags there are often news stories of vandalism and theft.
As Americans we live in this incredible country with the freedom to build communities that embrace differences. There are many countries in the world where minority groups like LGBTQ people are not safe. I am so grateful to live here and to me, these flags compliment each other.
I want to end by quoting my friend Blaire Ostler, author of the book “Queer Mormon Theology”. Blaire said in an online interview, “It’s not like you can only love God, family and country *or* LGBTQ – no, it’s love God, family, and country *and* LGBTQ. Because guess what? We’re part of the family too, and we’re part of the country, too.”
And by the way, queer people have always fought in wars to protect our freedom. Check out this amazing parade float from Mormons Building Bridges in 2018 (photo from gay veteran, Jeff Chase):
Happy Pride Month and Happy Flag Day! (All images in this post are mine, unless otherwise noted.)
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Awesome. Thanks for this post, Abby!
I’m amazed at all the events and photos you gathered here. I love how you explain what each flag means to you and the parallels you find between them. Your post made me tear up. I love the thoughts you share. I love the Mormons Building Bridges Float showing queer veterans! I have faith the visible affirmation makes a difference, esp. for young people in the community!
I recently found a great film for pride month and bridge building. It is “All of Us Strangers.” This film is about an orphaned gay writer who uses creative imagination and writing to encounter his parents again and find healing, love, and hope in the face of his parental loss and deep loneliness and disconnection. We watch as the parents, who he imagines as unchanged from how they were when they died in 1987, come to fully accept, love and encourage their adult son, and to want him to find a fulfilling relationship, even though him coming out startles them at first. It’s a poignant film, I cried through a lot of it. Highly recommend to everyone in the community. I wrote about it here: https://www.mcgill.ca/morsl/article/meditation-queerness-and-faith-spiritual-wellness/imagination-spiritual-experience
In my work and personal life, I have met queer individuals who are some of my favorite people. From what I perceive, they are deep thinkers they put extra effort into developping their inner sense of self, they know what it’s like to be different and to be judged and misunderstood. This is part of why the tears come– thinking of their experiences.
I love all of that Candice! Thank you so much, and I will check the film out and let you know what I think. That’s absolutely the kind of thing I love!
Abby, thanks for all the sacrifices you have made supporting the country/Army. I love your pictures and your flag! The Army and LGBTQ community are lucky to have your support.