In Primary, boys and girls and men and women and everything in between are welcome. There are no rules that exclude based on sex; no priesthoods or authorities or hierarchies that reject or oppress primary children. All children are welcome and allowed to participate in every activity, every single one, and all safe adults are welcomed as teachers and leaders and music singers.
Because of this small pocket of freedom in a patriarchal church, primary has become a sanctuary for me, a sacred, loud, bubbling place where age and biological sex are just pieces of who we are and not yet used as incriminating evidence to divide us from each other.
As my ward’s primary president, I witness the benefits of inclusion in Primary. Without the distracting rules of patriarchy that the older groups are weighed down with, Primary is a place where no one has to question who has power and who does not, who is divine and who is not, whose body is privileged and whose is not, who can do what and who cannot. In Primary, each child is divine. In Primary, each child has the power of God within them and the power to do and be what and whoever they are.
Without the rules of exclusion, each little Primary person carries their own divinity without question. Each raised hand and talk and prayer and volunteer is shared with equality, without the limits of who is allowed to be and do what. I know that so much of the language and traditions in this church are violently unequal (Primary songs, scriptures, and language included) and those messages spill into the children’s lives in so many ways, but my goal as Primary President is to create a space where the poisons of patriarchy are stopped at the door.
My presidency and I talk about God as Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father, we sing about kindness, and we attempt to equally represent women in scripture stories, visuals, songs, and language: our message is that we all have power within us. Every child is asked to speak at the pulpit. The more I witness these children, the more I know that one precious child of God should never have authority over another.
When primary children turn eleven, as they step out of Primary, I hope that they trust the divinity within themselves. I hope that they recognize exclusion and oppression in the church curriculum and scriptures, prayers and leadership, and I hope it offends and appalls them enough to change it or step away from it.
In 3 Nephi, Jesus asks the multitude, “Behold your little ones.” The word behold means to see or observe something remarkable; I have observed our remarkable little ones and I have found them to be wonders untouched by the church’s exclusive patriarchal system. I have witnessed the benefits of inclusion and equality in the Primary organization. If we behold our little ones, all of them, we see that divinity runs through their veins without permission or ordination, and perhaps we will recognize how patriarchy limits them as they leave Primary.
19 Responses
This is such a beauitful vision of what primary can be at its best.
Thank you, Katie.
While primary is certainly the most egalitarian organization in the church, only women can serve in the presidency. Even our least gendered places are still gendered.
True. True. Sigh.
But why does this bother you? Is it bc you don’t view the leadership of the church as inspired by The Lord? It always confuses me when members just destroy the doctrine and organization of the church but stay in. It seems so ungrateful. The church won’t change for you. You need to decide how offended you feel like being. Everyone has questions and doubts, but to go online and feed other peoples doubts like this is not what Heavenly Father (or Heavenly Mother) want. So what that the primary presidency is all female. What would happen if they made all the Auxiliaries female led? Or mixed? Or all MEN led? Your testimony should stay the same regardless. Sigh is right Iol
Primary is my safe place. I regularly return there after more “high profile” callings. When I get tired of running at a wall with my face trying to change things for the better, I go back to where we have fun and teach simple truths in clear honest ways. Try to show kindness in all that you do. In serving I am blessed, in giving I receive. I’ll stand for truth, I’ll stand for right — the Lord can depend on me.
I’m the chorister and our pianist is a man and it feels like one of the few places you can actually have collaboration and partnership with a man and a woman who aren’t married to each other.
I agree. Thank you for sharing. I love those primary songs you quoted and choristers, I have found, have so much power to teach little souls.
Primary was the safest place for my children and myself for a time. My eldest has a very uneven set of skills where she can talk like a college professor and still fail to follow basic social conventions. My memories of Primary are tinged with memories of the times when it really didn’t work for her – and it’s not the Primary leaders’ fault, my fault, her fault or anyone’s fault. We didn’t know – and when we knew, it was hard to be a bridge to connect them to her and her needs.
For what it’s worth, there are a lot of times and places where “it didn’t work” – not just Primary (or church in general).
Thank you for sharing. That is so hard to look back and see where a system failed your child. 🤍 I have a neurodivergent daughter and primary didn’t work for her either. She now chooses to stay away from church because it hurts her. Church isn’t for everyone. She finds connection and community in her dance classes, orchestra, and puzzles. I hope your daughter finds spaces to be fully herself. You sound like a wonderful mother.💕
Lavender, Thank you for the empathy and connection to my comment, I appreciate it.
We have found some points of connection and community for my daughter, but not as many as is sustainable in the long run.
The main situation in our case was persuading my daughter that she needed connection and community – it was easier for her to dodge the entire situation then it was to figure out what connection and community look like for her.
I also appreciate the compliment – thank you.
Thank you for this perspective – hadn’t thought of Primary in these terms before. And thank you for steering well the helm.
Thank you, LHCA.
Must be why I enjoy my primary callings most!
Yes!
“I hope that they recognize exclusion and oppression in the church curriculum and scriptures, prayers and leadership, and I hope it offends and appalls them enough to change it or step away from it”
Wow that is really depressing to see from a primary president. If all the church is to you is a Patriarchal organization that oppressed everyone over the age of 11 then i struggle to understand why you still go. Your language clearly dictates that you have one foot out of the door. The church is either Gods organization, led by His prophet, or it’s a scam. It sounds like you already are leaning towards the latter. And what happens when you are eventually released from primary? Will you wonder away like the people from lehis dream? Bc your testimony grounded in sand?
Thank you for your comment, MB, it has made me sit and think for a while. We are different in our views about the church but it sounds like we both love God deeply. Thank you for being my sister in this. I think where we differ is in our ideas about the practices of the church. I see that the practices of the church are established by men, subject to change and change and change again with the changing of time and leaders (Ardeth G. Kapp said about the practices of the church: “When changes come, and they always will . . .” pg. 195 in At The Pulpit.) While the practices of this church are subject to change, I do not believe that God’s laws of love and inclusion and compassion change. I would love to see the practice of patriarchy transformed into an egalitarian organization where the laws of God are reflected and sex is not the basis of power – I have seen the beauty of this in primary.
This resonated with me as a recently released Primary President trying to navigate some of the loss in that. It often surprised me when visitors commented about the number of men that were called into teaching, chorister, and activity leader positions in our ward. I called people based on promptings, insight, logic, and their and talents. It was quite interesting during the pandemic with so many varying opinions about ALL the things and ALL the changes, that the decisions implemented by my presidency resulted in me truly experiencing sustaining support from the men and women in my organization. This article helped me understand more of why that was possible even with the challenges that existed. I can recognize now that it was through the culture of inclusion, equality, and acceptance that had been fostered using the principles of democratic decision making and transparency along with the unifying power of Christ through the Holy Ghost that this was possible.
This is a beautiful comment. Thank you for sharing, Janelle.