My husband (J) and I (B) were both born in 1984, a solid seventeen years after Richard Perry Loving and Mildred Delores Jeter won their case. Laws against interracial marriage in the United States were struck down, but it took another 11 years for the LDS church to catch up by lifting the temple and priesthood ban for Black women and men. Interracial marriage arrived in the temple just six years before we were born.
I brought up this factoid while driving in the remote regions of the Westfjords in Iceland. We were celebrating our 15 year wedding anniversary with the biggest trip of our lives, and had a few hours in a car to mull over our own experiences. What follows is a rough transcript of our thoughts; edited for clarity, and punctuation added.
B: We never knew that world of deep and explicit segregation.
J: We never knew the world of deep and explicit segregation in the church and in society.
B: When we were 24, young, dumb, and broke, we got sealed in a temple without ever thinking for a minute what a revolutionary act that was.
J: I don’t think it’s revolutionary, I just think I would say we didn’t understand the progress that had been made. To me, it’s not revolutionary because that’s my life growing up with a white father and a black mother. That was just another Tuesday for me.
B: I wasn’t thinking too much about what it means to be in an interracial marriage either. We just loved each other. I wasn’t marrying a Black man. I was marrying a Jason.
J: Yes. I concur.
B: I think today I would say that being biracial is integral to who you are and so it’s really very important to recognize that aspect of your life. Our kids are biracial and my husband is biracial. I’m just happy to be connected to you all.
J: While I am biracial, it’s hard to be biracial. Very few people look at me and say, “oh he’s biracial”. Most people look at me and say, “he’s black.” I look at the kids and they are very much white passing. Some people might look at them, especially after a summer in Arizona, and say, “oh they’re probably biracial”. But like we’ve talked in the past, because of me being biracial, I fall into this gap, not black enough to be black, but definitely not white. But really at the end of the day, we know race is just a social construct. To the outside world, I’m black but I don’t think of myself as black or white. I think of myself as Jason; it’s really been like that since I was a kid. My family would ask me if I was black or white and I would respond, “I’m Jason”.
B: I think when we were young, we also had a bit of a superiority complex. My grandparents definitely harbored some unexamined racist views and your white grandmother went through her struggles to accept a biracial grandson, but that was well and truly in the past. We knew better than them.
J: yeah, you know, with your grandparents I never felt lesser or anything with them. The only way you were different in my family was that you were Mormon.
B: Do you think Brigham Young is turning in his grave over us being married in a temple? I hope that the tenacious questioners who never stopped asking for the right to love and marry in the temple, or otherwise, are at peace and full of joy that our marriage could feel so perfunctory, so normal, so non-rebellious.
J: Yeah, this marriage is and should be like any other marriage.
B: I think today we are deeply concerned with implicit racism, the lingering traumas and biases of structural racism, and better understanding the historical context that led to where we are now.
J: There’s definitely been times I’ve seen remnants of racism in and outside the church. Comments in Sunday School or at a BYU-I gathering with racist undertones in the comments.
J: We’ve seen how far we’ve come since Loving Day both racially and with sexual orientation. Is the church going to keep up?
B: I hope so, because I know that marriage to a person I love has brought me joy. I would never want that joy to be denied. Knowing it was once denied to a couple like you and me, even though today it’s pretty normal, means that we can always adapt and be more inclusive.
J: I think of my LGBTQ friend who was trying to live a double life but who is now denied the blessings of marriage in a church that he loved.
B: That’s the thing about it – love is love.
Photographer: Kate Lane
This post is cute, profound, and loveable. I love how you did it in an interview form. Thanks for sharing. The film about the Loving/Jeter experience was very touching to me. As another person born in 1984, I was also oblivious and this post is very educational. I’m hoping (my 5th great grandpa Brigham Y.) is very repentant and cheering you on. As ambivalent as I feel about him at times, that is the sense I get when I think of him.
Thanks so much for this post, and Happy Loving Day!
I can’t imagine Brigham Young approving of much of anything that anyone does in our times. He made himself irrelevant with his racism, extreme sexism, violent paranoia, and his claims of speaking for God. He was doing his best, as we all do, but he did irreparable harm to his family and church. We need people like you and J, who are living their best.
If Brigham Young is rolling over in his grave over anything, it better be from his embarrassment for ever opposing such a good looking couple getting hitched – not because he still thinks interracial marriage is a sin. Thank you for sharing your story on this important day!