Guest Post: Callan Olive practices therapy in Indiana and has a Bachelor’s in Psychology from Brigham Young University and a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy from Texas Tech University. She’s an adventurer, a feminist, a therapist, and a coach. She lives near Indianapolis and works with clients from all over the US. Callan is a single mom with 4 small children and when she’s not working, she loves going on adventures with them or listening to audiobooks. Social justice issues like women’s rights and LGBTQ rights are very important to her.

Growing up in the church, I learned that the “worth of souls is great in the eyes of God.” (D&C 18:10). As a natural empath, I loved this idea. I loved believing that every soul was treated equally and was equally loved and valued by God. I distinctly remember times when the congregation would sing or bow their heads in prayer and I’d look around and think “Every single one of these people is loved and valued, every single one.” It often felt like God was the Oprah in those moments saying “You get worth, and you get worth, and you get worth!” 

As I grew older, though, I began to see a division between this belief of inherent, unalterable worth and the actual practice of worthiness in the culture of Mormonism. As a teen, I saw peers (and at times myself) make mistakes or “sins” that barred them from holy places. Their “worthiness” impacted how they could demonstrate “worth” in the organization. I wondered how God felt about my peers. How did he feel about me? If we were barred from His holiest places, didn’t that make us less valuable to Him?   

The structures of patriarchy, LGBTQ policies, and the inherent racism in the church also created significant challenges. If worthiness was determined not only by the choices someone made but also by the body parts they had, their sexual orientations or gender identities, or the color of their skin, did that mean that the worth of some souls really wasn’t as great in the sight of God? Did God have a tiered system that He used to determine real worth? And was it my job to align myself to His tiered system even when that felt wrong to me? 

During those times, I’d look around the congregation and internally, a small voice would whisper “he gets worth, and she gets worth, and they get worth.” My heart still believed it and wanted every person around me to feel that way. But then my logical, practical brain would see only men on the stand, only men running every ordinance. I’d see no visible LGBTQ representation and hear no apologies or accountability for the racist history and present racism in the church. And I’d wonder how it all made sense to God. How can everyone have great worth and yet only certain people are worthy of everything God has to offer? 

And then I became a therapist. 

And I can confidently say that after 10 years of sitting across from client after client with an untold number of stories and so many human moments of hurt and mistakes, not one of them felt less worthy to me. I’ve had clients in active addiction, chronic liars who destroyed their families. I’ve seen men who had affairs, women who had affairs, mothers who wished they weren’t mothers, dads who abandoned their children. I’ve heard story after story of traumas inflicted by drug-addicted or selfish parents or spouses. I’ve met with LGBTQ couples and poly relationships, she/hers, he/hims, and they/thems. I’ve seen Hispanic, Black, and Asian clients.

And every single one of the clients who has entered my office had unmeasured and unalterable worth. 

It is a privilege to be in that kind of sacred space with other humans, a space where I get to remain as unbiased as possible, no agenda other than trying to help them towards the healthy life they crave and deserve. Their mistakes and the terrible choices they’ve made are symptoms of a hard life but have absolutely nothing to do with their worth. 

I teach my clients that their worth is something that can’t be altered, and often they have a hard time believing that at first. Unfortunately, I have found that belief in inherent worth comes even harder for those of my clients who have been raised in high-demand religious structures, including Latter-day Saints. Often the rigid expectations, emphasis on perfectionism, and fear-based focus on “good behavior” lead my clients to feel their worth is something that must be earned and that there is no possible way they’ll ever be good enough to earn it. 

Often part of the therapy process with clients from religious structures involves them relearning and retraining their brains to feel self-compassion and self-understanding. If they still believe and value their religion, we work on restructuring their views of God to a more loving place, one that involves unalterable worth. I have found that if I don’t spend time with this religious restructuring, the therapy will not work. 

On a foundational level, healing cannot come from shame. It cannot come when a client still believes their worth must be earned because they will never be able to do enough to feel they have earned it. So we work together on finding what I believe the religious intention should be, that the worth of souls is great in the eyes of God and that you, and me, and they, no matter which body we have or which choices we make, will ever be able to change that.