The other day I was thinking about the years when my husband and I donated plasma. We did it while my husband went back to school for a two year technical degree. I had a close to full time job, and he had money from the Post 9-11 GI bill so we were able to cover most of our living expenses, but not quite. We still needed extra money each month to make ends meet. Donating plasma helped fill in that monetary gap. 

I have mostly happy memories of donating plasma. Honestly, after a long day it was kind of nice to sit in a comfy chair and watch a movie or read a book. The whole needle drawing blood out of my arm was just a minor annoyance. My husband and I would trade off each night. One of us would stay home and put our four kids to bed while the other went to donate plasma. The one donating plasma always felt like they got the better end of the deal.

I got used to the routine of checking in, having a short medical screening, then being hooked up to a machine that would draw blood out of my arm. The machine would alternate between drawing blood, spinning it in a centrifuge to separate the plasma, and then returning the blood to my arm. On a good day the whole process would take about an hour and a half. 

I knew a few people who had taken life saving medicine that was derived from plasma so I liked the idea that my plasma was helping people. 

But let’s be honest, I was there for the money. The center made payments in increments of $5. The first donation of the month was worth $25. The second $30. Then $35, $40, $45 and $50. After $50 each donation was worth $50 until a new month started and everything started over at $25. Donations were allowed twice per week so in a month I could make up to $325 – though it was usually a little less due to schedule conflicts or other issues.

I was thinking about all of this when I remembered, “I paid tithing on that money!”

If you pulled my tithing records from that time you’d actually see it. Donations of $2.50, $3.00, $3.50, $4.00, $4.50, $5.00. Later I would create a spreadsheet to track the money coming in from donating plasma so that I didn’t feel like I had to pay tithing every time my husband or I received money from plasma. But when I was still getting used to the process I was paying tithing on the money almost as soon as it hit our bank account. 

I remember how much faith it took to pay tithing during those years. Part of me paid it out of gratitude. I was thankful that my husband had the GI bill to help him go back to school. I was thankful I had a job that I loved. I was thankful that most of the daycare bill for our children was paid for by a state childcare program.  

Mostly, I paid tithing because I hoped for blessings. I remember sitting at the computer and filling out the online donation form. Before I hit submit I’d say a little prayer, “Dear Heavenly Father, I’m paying this now with the hope that you will come through for us later. Help my husband find a good job when he finishes school. Help us find a place to live and a house we can afford to buy.”

From my perspective, blessings did come. Our aging cars kept running. Our children stayed healthy so I could work. We always did have enough money – even if things got tight.     

Everything went well when my husband graduated. We found a city we wanted to live in. He found a job there. We bought our first house. I found a job that was perfect for me. I can’t deny that there was divine guidance and help through all the transitions. 

But the whole situation just feels a little icky now. All this happened before news started leaking about the LDS church’s secret investment fund. Back then I was paying tithing to a church that I thought needed my money. 

Never mind, that my family of six was hovering near the poverty line. Our children were on Medicaid. We paid the nominal amount of the daycare bill and the rest was paid by the state. Our tax refunds included the Additional Child Tax Credit and the Earned Income Credit.

I still thought the church needed the money more than we did.

I would picture this money helping keep the lights on at church buildings around the world. I assumed it was helping pay for the salaries of church employees who printed scriptures and lesson manuals. I thought it was going toward building temples. I really imagined that my small donations made a difference for the church. 

I know better now. 

Last Tuesday news broke that the church had reached a $5 million settlement with the United States Securities and Exchange Commission over the way it was concealing the size of the Ensign Peak investment fund. A fund which is valued in the billions of dollars. This is on top of stories about possible inquiries by the IRS and the Senate Finance Committee. There have been other stories about church financial practices in Canada and Australia.  

Like many people I’m wondering, why does the church have all this money? What is it doing with all this money?  

I’m also wondering why I was taught that my $2.50 in tithing – on money I earned by basically selling a component of my blood – should go toward this insanely wealthy institution. I can’t believe I blindly paid my tithing for so long. I can’t believe I just trusted the church with my donations. 

I don’t regret paying tithing – even during tight financial times. But I do regret that I was misled about where my money was going. I just blindly donated to the church and assumed that my money was being put to good use. 

I stopped paying tithing to the LDS church about 18 months ago. (Full disclosure, my husband still pays tithing to the church on his income.) I feel better sending 10 percent of my income to other charitable causes especially when they are local. It’s been incredibly fulfilling to find places to donate where I know my money will be appreciated and used. 

Would I ever pay tithing to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints again? Maybe. If the church was transparent with its finances. If it had ways I could designate where I want my money to go. 

I still tithe out of a mix of gratitude and faith. But I no longer pay with blind trust.