For the past three years at the Exponent II retreat, my friends Lindsay Denton, Natasha Rogers, Amy Freeman, and I have performed a skit in the variety show as the “Lakeview Relief Society.” In the first two years, Sister Denton (DO NOT call her “President Denton”) led us as we taught enrichment activities from the books Fascinating Womanhood and Fascinating Girl. This year was a little different. We found Man of Steel and Velvet to be too depressing to satirize as we planned our skit, so with short notice and in honor of Exponent II’s 50^th anniversary, we asked ChatGPT to roast Exponent II.

Here is our intro and then the best lines from the roast, which we delivered in turn.

ChatGPT’s Roast of Exponent II

Hello! We are the Lakeview Relief Society presidency. I’m sister Denton, Relief Society president. We were honored but frankly surprised to be invited to your 50th-anniversary party because you know we don’t approve of your pot-stirring. When you said you wanted us to give you a roast, we brought one. Sister Rogers made it from scratch. 

Now we realize you meant you actually want us to roast YOU, but since we spent all our time cooking, we asked chatGPT to write it.

Exponent II, 50 years of almost radical! Here’s to half a century of making feminism in the LDS world feel like a mocktail party—with just a hint of rebellion. And while you’re at it, keep those heartfelt essays coming—because nothing says “smashing the patriarchy” like a beautifully formatted magazine!

Exponent II: 50 years of gently shaking the pillars of patriarchy—while also making sure Primary runs smoothly. I mean, balancing faith and feminism is no easy task, but somehow you’ve managed to fit both the scriptures and Gloria Steinem quotes into your book clubs. And let’s not forget how your biggest act of rebellion was probably daring to wear pants to church! Keep fighting the good fight—slowly, carefully, and with a lot of footnotes!

Ah, the Mormon patriarchy—where men hold the priesthood and the remote control during General Conference. The patriarchy is terrified of Exponent II, and not just because you might write an anonymous blog post. The patriarchy fears you because you’ve made feminism look. . . well, reasonable. You’re a slow-motion nightmare for the patriarchy. You’re not storming the gates; you’re sneaking into their minds, showing them that women are more than spiritual support staff. The patriarchy is scared because they can’t figure out how to fight a revolution that shows up with homemade bread, a demure smile, and a demand for equality. Now that’s terrifying!

Exponent II: Celebrating 50 years of making patriarchy nervous—but not too nervous. Unlike that radical Mormon Women’s Forum, you’re the polite feminists: you’re here to stir the pot, but only with an approved spoon, right? You’ve made incredible strides, though, don’t get me wrong. You’ve got the spirit of Joan of Arc. . . if Joan had to ask permission from the bishop before going into battle.

Thank you for inviting us, and thank you to chatGPT! We’d like to return the favor by inviting you to our Fascinating Womanhood book club next Tuesday!

Add your roast of Exponent II or Mormon feminism to the comments!