The Exponent blog is sharing guest and reader responses to the news of the changes to the LDS temple endowment and other temple ordinances announced 2 January 2019. We welcome your contributions in the comments or as a guest post using this link
“I have an unrealistic and probably irrational dream that the First Presidency will allow every woman who has ever received her endowments to experience these newly improved ordinances, no matter her current level of affiliation with the Church. Being able to participate in the endowment and sealings with more equality (even if not ultimately equal) will not undo the grief and vulnerability I felt as a newlywed who had been received but given nothing, who felt diminished and reduced to an appendage in the eyes of the Church, or the deep shame I experienced for years for feeling these things. While I genuinely rejoice that so many of us have been able, or will soon be able to experience greater equality in the temple, I feel damned by my temple history, knowing I will not be able to partake in the peace or liberation that so many are experiencing through the alterations this week. I feel a little like an unrighteous Moses, barred from entering the promised land after a lifetime of working toward it. I am surprised by the wounds something mostly good could open up in me—an adulthood of hurt now exposed but without a prescription for the specific medicine that might help heal. I’m grateful to those in this group who have reached out, carried names, mourned and celebrated together. It is is at least a topical salve that reduces the sting of lonely grief. I love this {Exponent II} community.” – AEH
*****
“I went to the temple eager to experience the new changes. Coincidentally (or maybe not coincidentally), one of the sisters working in the initiatory area was a friend from years back. We knew each other in University. We are now both getting into old woman years. We are both faithful feminists. Both of us married quite late in life. We often talked about career and life goals together, discussed the gospel and it’s doctrines and knew each other’s heart on many issues. As she performed the ceremony for me, we looked into each other’s eyes and wept. These are some of the things we quietly labored over together. To experience this change in the ordinance together was an undeniable blessing.” -DA
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“No, I didn’t go to the temple today and won’t be able to go for many months because I live thousands of miles from the nearest temple. After the Rome Temple opens, it will still be over 1000 miles and dollars to fly there and there is no other way to get there. The admonition to not speak about the changes means that people who can’t go to the temple often will not benefit from the cultural shifts these changes might signal, nor will they have the chance to learn about the changes for themselves. It seems that many people think that even a conversation about the broader implications isn’t allowed. But those of us without access to a temple, and that’s a significant part of the church, need ways to talk about this. We all need to hear about and discuss this, not just people who are privileged to live near a temple.” – Anonymous
*****
“When I told my MIL about the changes and how the wording had hurt me in the past, she said it had never bothered her that she had to obey her husband and that she was grateful he was placed above her in the chain to God. The extent to which she had internalized the previous sexism of the endowment was amazing. Not only did she believe that she needed her husband to connect to God, she believed that she herself could not communicate with God in the ways that a man could. When I talked to my brother about the change, he told me the wording, actions, and clothing shouldn’t have impacted me. And, that even if I was upset, I should have realized I was making a covenant with God despite the wording, actions, and clothing that said otherwise. He didn’t seem to realize how far-reaching the harm of it all was, because he was protected from it as a man. I am grateful for the changes, but I am heartbroken over the damage the previous version of the endowment has caused myself and those around me. It’s a very bittersweet moment and I wish I had waited until now to be endowed and sealed. Right now I am juggling hurt, frustration, encouragement, and sorrow. It has been a tough day.” – Alyson
*****
“For the first time in years, I have actually wanted to go to an endowment session. This is big for me, yet, at the same time, I still feel the pain of the past. And wish that could be acknowledged. I am happy for the next generation who don’t have to feel like second class citizens, yet I am pained that they will never know how truly lucky they are.” – CN
*****
“When my husband came home and asked how i felt about it i said “complicated”. Which wasn’t ok to him. “This is almost everything you’ve been asking for. I don’t understand why you’re not happy” I am though. I’m happy that i won’t have to distract myself during the next family wedding in order to not seethe at the inequality. But also: I am relieved. I am relieved that i don’t have to grieve when my daughter goes through the temple, or figure out how to tell her all of the awful things she will hear. I am angry. I’m angry that i had to ever feel like God created us to be second class humans. I am sad. I am sad for the girl i was who had to question her value and try to do the mental gymnastics to make those words ok. I am proud. I’m proud of the woman i am who decided she wasn’t going to veil her face anymore and didn’t. The woman who quietly said “no” to herself instead of yes. My feelings are complicated. And that’s ok.” – Sherry M.
*****
“I admit that I find this painful to process. I’m so glad the changes happened because we’ve been working for it for so long. But. I had this distinct feeling of dread while watching “Suffragette” a few years ago. Here were all these women who sacrificed so much—their families, their livelihoods, their reputations—and a dang lot of them never got the vote. They died before they saw their work come to fruition. I feel like the endowment killed my relationship with God. Not all of that was the sexism but a good lot of it was. The changes came. That’s great. But not until after it killed something that I held so dear. I went in as a Daughter of God and came out the bride of My Husband. I’ve advocated along with many other women for these very changes but they won’t resurrect what it took ESPECIALLY since the church will never acknowledge the pain it caused. I was always taught that repentance comes not only by making amends but also by acknowledging the wrongdoing. The latter won’t happen and that hurts.” AIC
*****
“It’s interesting, because I find myself very angry today about all the unnecessary suffering this caused. I’m angry that the Church doesn’t want members to talk about the change—wants to sweep it under the rug. I’m angry about the years of being gaslighted and told that husbands and wives were equal partners while at the same time the Church made women’s exaltation dependent upon their willingness to accept a temple marriage that forced them into vows putting them in a subordinate position. I’m angry about the way the Church sprung this on women—not obtaining informed consent from them beforehand, but keeping the details secret until the women’s first time in the endowment ceremony where social pressures make her unlikely to resist. My life is 100x better now that I’m no longer Mormon, but this news brings back all that anguish I carried for so long. But at the same time, I’m happy that my nieces will hopefully not suffer like their foremothers have before them.” – Anon
*****
“I am grateful for the changes that have been made so far in the temple. I am grateful to whoever has advocated for the women and men who have felt pain and confusion because of how things were previously worded. I know many are frustrated because it should have been this way all along. Change rarely happens as fast as we’d like it to. I was desperately hoping for something about Heavenly Mother, but that didn’t happen this time. I went through the temple for the first time 20 years ago. I’ve prayed for these changes. I am grateful that if my children choose to go through the temple or get married in the temple, the ceremonies will treat men and women as equals who make the same covenants to the same God, or equally with a marriage partner. I will continue to pray for further light, knowledge, and change. I hope there will be more knowledge about Heavenly Mother. I hope gay marriage and positive space for the LGBTQ+ community will be included. I will also continue to make my voice heard to try to advocate and make things better for future generations, as countless women and men have done before me.” JG
One Response
The changes are crumbs being tossed to earnest people who’ve wanted change. Women are still not equal in this church, they never will be. Instead of covenanting to a man they know and love, they are covenanting to the new and everlasting covenant, which Joseph claimed was plural marriage. Ladies, this is a harmful backward step.