A sweet little boy in my 9 year-old son’s Sunday school class finds him before sacrament each Sunday to ask if they can sit together. They trade sitting with each other’s families most Sundays and spend sacrament quietly drawing together. The two boys don’t go to the same school, so they are “church” friends. This would have totally been off-limits when I was a kid because sacrament was not social time, but it is a lovely connection these two have each Sunday that helps them build their friendship, while encouraging each other to be reverent.
The local LDS congregation as a whole is a hodge-podge of people gathered from nearby towns. While some wards share a town/city/neighborhood identity, this ward (not long-ago branch) gathers from a broader geographic area. This means that many kids are like these little boys; they have church, school, family, and neighborhood friends. Sunday may be the one day they have to connect, so church friendships may take longer/be more challenging to build in primary.
And, just like their adult counterparts who seek each other out in the chapel aisles and church hallways, kids want to catch up, chat, and check in with each other on Sundays. With the tight Sunday schedules, building restrictions, and Sunday routines, we often discourage kids from dawdling, crowding hallways, or keeping their teachers waiting. We should rethink discouraging this social time for all ages, but especially primary-age children.
With the emphasis on learning reverence and respect for speakers and teachers, kids are also shushed and quieted down throughout Sunday services. After a long hour of sitting in practiced silence and practicing reverence, another hour of quiet reverence and patient listening is a great deal to ask of kids (and, frankly, adults). While learning gospel principles is certainly important, learning to live them through genuine friendships and social interactions is also important.
I recognize that not all primaries are the same and some may incorporate different social times or activities. If your primary is doing this, that’s awesome. I’d love for you to share some ideas, successes, and even challenges you’ve had to overcome in the comments. I also absolutely recognize that primary needs structure, discipline, and clear expectations. I’m not suggesting a free-for-all. Instead, here are some ideas to help incorporate social time into primary:
- Start each class giving every child the chance to share something special about their week
- Set aside time during general primary for “catching up” with your primary friends. If kids have this to look forward to and understand the routine, it can help them work on other behaviors in a positive way.
- Incorporate icebreakers and mini games into lessons
- Include a question of the week board and have kids answer it. Give them time to explore it.
- Play “get the wiggles out” games randomly
- Invite kids to brainstorm or work in mini groups for lessons
- Send kids on a scavenger hunt to find people with different experiences/hobbies/etc.
Sometimes the focus of primary can be so heavily on reverence, mastering song lyrics, and getting through lesson materials, we can forget about the essentials of building friendships, community, and connection. I’d love to see the LDS church come out with more materials to support leaders and teachers in incorporating more social time in primary.
7 Responses
Oh my gosh, yes, yes, yes!! Social connections are a core indicator of wellbeing, and we often forget about this in children, and in children at church! I’m totally one of those “you’d better be quiet in Sacrament meeting!” moms, and LOVE this idea of greater sociality in the Primary hour.
Good ideas! Kids need their social interaction as much as adults do, but they don’t have Facebook and social media and texting to connect with each other all the time like their parents do. They just have Sunday meetings to see their church friends!
I actually think the church needs to rethink the social aspects of ward community for all ages. It needs to start to realize that people have social needs that are just as important as spiritual needs. The mass failure to return to church after the COVID break should be a huge wake up call that something is majorly wrong at church. Meetings are not worth bothering to attend. Why? Two reasons. #1 lack of social connection. When you can’t see your church friends for months and realize they are not friends and you don’t miss them, well that’s a problem. #2 is that meetings are boring as hell, but that isn’t today’s discussion. But the social connection is what makes us a ward family, it is why we call each other “brother” and “sister”. Because we feel a bond. That has mostly died for most members and the church leaders need to make changes to bring that back.
I don’t have any good suggestions, just a comparison with when we had ward community and social connections. Yup, I am one of the o-l-d people who grew up before the block and I think the decision to move meetings to Sunday pretty much ruined the church as far as being able to maintain community and friendships. Sure, at the time there was a gasoline shortage and in areas where it was a drive to get to meetings that was a problem. And, sure cramming more and more wards into fewer buildings was also a problem. And neighbors to our buildings complained that there was always something going on at the buildings. And members complained about all the meetings and all the time it took with family member going to various meetings on different days. I admit there were some good practical reasons to sacrifice social connection in favor of simplifying the meeting schedule by putting all meetings on Sunday. Luckily we did recognize that teenagers need social time and kept weeknight for YM/YW. But women need time to socialize with other women just as much as teens. Children need fun time to socialize and play that old-primary in the afternoon gave them that just not reverent and appropriate for Sunday. The men, well, those in the bigger church callings probably have too many meetings and so, they are exempt from the problem and don’t see it, but the rest feel left out and less than as well as lonely.
But sure, let’s start with primary, because maybe as women we can at least put a bandaid on the church’s hemorrhaging membership because of lack of friendships in the ward. Kids need time with their friends.
When I taught primary, I always has a class social time, we called it class sharing time, where the children shared any kind of comment they wanted to share with the class. I did too, because I thought it important for the class to know who I was as a person, not just “teacher”. After 5-10 minutes of sharing they were much more willing to listen to the lesson. Then we had an activity or game where they got to move around some. Sometimes just coloring, but other times an active move around the room game. Sometimes we put on a short play, acting out what the lesson was about.
I love this!! Fabulous ideas.
YES!! When I was a primary teacher, I began class with everyone getting a turn to talk about their week or whatever was on their mind. To give the quieter kids space and to help the more talkative kids an opportunity to listen, each kid had two minutes. Sure, it took up a significant amount of class time but isn’t that an important part of gathering together? To actually build relationships and get to know each other?
Also, as Anna pointed out, the massive loss of people attending church after the pandemic break needs addressing. My neighbors occasionally invite me (and my family although I am so far the only one to take them on the offer) to attend their church. They have a coffee bar in their building that congregants take turns staffing. The half-hour before church is always social time. It’s a really nice way to begin a worship service. They also have fantastic music, as opposed to walking silently, reverently into a building, only whispering at people before hearing a drone of announcements and ward business. The obvious lack of connection and togetherness to connect and worship sometimes makes church feel more isolating than not attending at all.
A friend and I are are currently undertaking a world religion course of our own making by attending a different church or service once a month together. And right off the bat the biggest difference I’ve noticed is that these other faiths are focused on meeting social needs and they are succeeding. They all have social hours right after church and the service is not more than an hour. My ward is rather transient and it feels like people have stopped trying. At least I have. I love the idea of starting with Primary. I’ll be adding some of these ideas to my sunbeam class.
Honestly, we should nix Sunday School for the Primary kids and have the second hour be a combined singing/social time.
I’ve always felt that Primary songs were more effective at teaching me about the gospel than Sunday School ever was. Primary songs and what I’ve learned from them have stayed with me longer than anything I ever learned in my Primary classes. I can name one – maybe two – Primary teachers who had a gift for teaching and whose lessons resonated with me. Primary songs are really how kids learn the gospel best.
Also, kids don’t want to sit through class and more adults talking after an hour of Sacrament Meeting. Why not have the second hour be something that they can enjoy and look forward to?