At the beginning of the year when the Come Follow Me manuals for families were being distributed, the Elder’s Quorum president was in charge of getting them to the families. He specifically wanted them to go to the “heads of house.” We went back and forth a little on that because I informed him that all the wives in our ward were co-heads with their husbands in the house. He spoke condescendingly to me, “The men, sister. These books are to be handed only to the men. They are the head of the household according to the Lord.” So then I got the correct number of books to hand to the men in Primary, my auxiliary (which I purposely ended up giving to the wives of said men to make myself feel better). Anyway, I told him I needed an extra one for a single sister in my presidency. He wouldn’t give it to me! He said he wanted her ministering brothers to deliver it to her.

Me: “Instead of her just getting the manual at church just like the rest of the families? Is that because her ministering brothers are “over her”?, The “head of her household” so to speak??” He kind of faltered and finally handed it over. The worst part for me were the tears in my friend’s eyes when I shared my anger and the exchange that I had just had to get her that manual. Teary-eyed she looked at me and in a shaky voice said, “I am absolutely the head of my own household. ”
– Anonymous

That’s kind of like how my husband was given *my* teacher’s manual for *my* adult Sunday School class with instructions to give it to me. I also noticed when they distributed the Come Follow Me manuals in my ward there was a widowed older sister sitting in front of me. They gave her manual to her elderly father even though they don’t live in the same house.
– AS

Once my husband called on me to bless the food. For the first time, I began, “Dear Heavenly Parents…”. He never called on me to pray again. (We’re divorced now).
– Anonymous

At the Provo MTC my Branch President had a rule that sister missionaries could not say any opening prayers for any type of meeting, even just the district group prayer at the beginning of each day. He didn’t announce this rule himself but had the district leader male missionaries let our districts know. Everyone in my district, elders included, knew it was wrong and were really uncomfortable with it. The district leader looked so embarrassed to tell us. This was in July 2011.
– KM

Some time ago my ward began to let women be the last speaker in Sacrament meeting. It happened about once a month, and I appreciated it so I mentioned it to one of the counselors and he responded that they had checked the handbook and saw no reason why a woman couldn’t speak last. Fast forward to a new Bishopric that was put in about two years ago and since then that ward has not had a woman speak last. It showed me that it doesn’t matter how forward thinking local leadership may be, you’re just one spin of leadership roulette away from where you started.
– JG

In the final months of 2018, my ward went more than two months without having a woman speak in sacrament meeting…not even once. I finally got so bothered by it that I confronted the bishop. “Do you realize we haven’t had a woman speak in sacrament meeting since before Halloween?” He said that he hadn’t notice that and that, “We just ask whoever the spirit impresses upon us to ask.” I wish I had pointed out that it’s not fair to blame the bishopric’s oversights on the spirit. I told him I’m pretty sure they hadn’t been prompted to silence an entire half of the congregation for weeks and weeks at a time. I ended the conversation by telling him, “Well maybe the spirit will impress you to let the women of this ward have a voice again.”
– RP

I am a single mum of two 14 year old boys. One of them does not hold the Aaronic Priesthood (his choice) and only goes to church occasionally . The other one does hold the Aaronic Priesthood, is a teacher and likes to go to church. I am not a believer anymore, but I don’t like to let him go to church all by himself, so most of the time I go with him. Sometimes we skip church. Yesterday we did not go to church. Afterwards, the new Young Men president and his counselor show up on our doorstep. We were all in pyjamas, enjoying a lazy day. The YM president felt inspired to come and see us, especially my less active son. We talked for a while then they asked if they could say a prayer. We kind of hesitantly agreed. Then he looked at my Aaronic Priesthood-holding son and said: “you hold the priesthood, you are the patriarch. Who would you like to say the prayer?” I immediately told him to stop right there and watch his mouth. I said that I am the head of the family here and no one else. He then asked me who should say the prayer. I still can’t believe he really said that (he is quite young, 25 at the most). I can’t believe he wanted to pretend a 14 year old holds authority over his mother. What a terrible way to undermine my position in my own family. Think of the consequences of that way of thinking!! Patriarchy is so toxic. It harms everyone. Once they were gone my boys and I sat down and we talked about this. Had to make sure things were clear!
– TV

Pro Tip: Women are the heads (or co-heads) of their own households. There is no doctrinal or practical reason that men should always give the opening (or closing) prayer or speak last in a meeting; recognize that your congregation is falling into these patterns and take the steps needed to balance out the situation.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)