It is a truth universally acknowledged that young men — and some young women —  are called to go on a mission. There are over 70,000 missionaries serving worldwide. That’s one missionary for every 250 members. The question is, how do we best equip them for their service? I assert that therapy is a critically important piece of missionary preparation.

Note that I am not a mental health professional. I am a person who has benefited from therapy, a mom of an 18-year-old who is leaving for college in a different country 5,000 miles from home, and a high school teacher in Utah who has students leave on missions shortly after graduation. Watching my students leave on missions, talking with friends whose young adults are serving missions, and preparing my own young adult to move far from home means I feel passionate about wanting young adults to launch into the world prepared to grow during this important time of life.

1. Explore, clarify, vocalize the “why” behind the decision to serve. 

I learned in therapy that two people can do the same action and yet one person can be psychologically healthy and the other unhealthy. Understanding the driving factors behind behavior is critical to understanding psychological health. A young adult may choose to serve a mission for some of the following reasons:

• They feel that the experience will provide them with opportunities to grow.
• They may have had previous experience sharing their beliefs and want to do that in an official missionary capacity.
• It is an experience they genuinely choose for themselves.
• Any other reason that shows the perspective missionary is making this choice from a place of self-determination. 

A young adult may also choose to serve for some of these reasons:

• They want to please their parents and/or church leaders.
• They believe that they gave up their agency at baptism and that the choice has already been made.
• They are afraid they will lose respect in the church.
• They are pressured by family and/or church leaders.
• Everybody else is doing it.
• They are floating along in life without realizing they can make their own choices.
• Any other external factor where the young adult is not making a conscious choice. 

A mission has the potential for life long positive or negative effects. Ensuring that a young adult is serving from a place of self-determination significantly increases the chances of a positive experience and can inoculate against difficulties inherent in serving a mission. 

To explain further, if a missionary doesn’t like an aspect of missionary life, the area where they are serving, or the companion they are assigned to, or anything else that may be difficult, the missionary only needs to deal with that issue. If a missionary was in any way coerced into serving a mission, then not only do they have to work to resolve whatever issue is difficult, they have to do that while also carrying the load of the external factors that lead to their choice. For example, a missionary may not easily find people to teach. If a missionary is serving because they want to share their beliefs, then they may feel disappointed about not easily finding people to teach. If a missionary is serving because they want to please parents or leaders, they may feel shame (not good enough) or guilt (not working hard enough) in addition to disappointment about not easily finding people to teach.

 2. Prepare for adjustment away from home.

With missionaries eligible to serve at age 18-19, many missionaries in the U.S. are leaving on missions shortly after graduating high school. This means that many are adjusting to living on their own  and mission life at the same time. At best, this is difficult; at worst it is disastrous. 

During my junior year of college, I spent half the school year at the BYU Jerusalem Center. This was in the 90s when any church member who met the academic requirements could apply to spend a semester at the center. There were a handful of us in my cohort who were students at Utah State University.  I had been away from home for two years attending college, was used to missing family activities, and was comfortable with once-a-week dial-up modem emails to and from my parents. One friend, however, attended USU while living at home with her family and this study abroad was her first time away from her parents. She expended considerable energy making the adjustment being away from her family which sadly decreased her ability to fully engage with the amazing experiences available during those months. Due to my experience observing this classmate, I suspect we put young adults at risk for more mental health problems by sending them on missions without previous experience away from home. For young adults heading to missions without prior experience away from home, they can still prepare by having a job, making their own doctor appointments, doing grocery shopping and menu planning for their family, taking the lead on items to be completed for their mission, and other tasks they will need to do on their own. They can also look for opportunities such as house sitting or travel, if financially feasible, that will give them experience seeing other places.

Whether or not a young adult has experience away from home prior to a mission, working with a therapist prior to leaving on a mission can facilitate discussions about boundaries, role playing scenarios, and develop skills to have healthy relationships with companions. A young adult can explore how they would handle different people and develop skills for how to express their needs, thoughts, feelings, and wants in different situations. Missionaries do not get to choose their companions; they are likely to have both great and challenging companions. Examples of potential challenges a missionary may encounter with companions include: 

• Differing levels of cleanliness such as dirty clothes on the floor, unmade bed, dishes in the sink. 
• Behaviors such as walking out of the bathroom naked or masturbating in the bedroom.
• Differing opinions about what to do on preparation day.
• Borrowing personal belongings without asking.
• Behavior such as screaming or hitting.
• Serious mental health issues that hinder one’s ability to function.

 While most parents would be concerned if their young adult moved far away to college with unknown roommates, I have yet to hear parents express concern or prepare their young adult for living with a companion who is with you 24/7. A therapist can equip a prospective missionary with the relationship skills necessary to cope with a wide variety of companions, a skill that is valuable long after a mission. 

3. Develop tools for adjustment to mission life.

Not only do young adults need to adjust to life away from home and family, they also need tools to adjust to mission life. Recently, I met up with a friend of mine who served a mission and whose oldest daughter recently returned from serving a mission. She related what I have heard from other parents: missions have changed and are much more rule oriented than they were in the past. The rigidness of mission life can cause pressure which may lead to anxiety, depression, shame, or other feelings that can reach clinical levels. Mission president roulette is real; some mission presidents may create a culture of allowing missionaries to make choices to use their best judgment while other mission presidents may create an extreme culture of focusing on numbers that leads to overall negative outcomes for missionaries. In addition to adjusting to mission life, missionaries may need to adjust to a different climate, culture, language, food, and more. These are not insignificant adjustments. Young adults serving missions may also see more poverty, abuse, crime and other situations which they (hopefully) have not been exposed to at home. Seeing these things for the first time can be shocking. 

4. Process grief and loss.

Therapy as preparation for mission service can be helpful for processing grief and loss. There is grief and loss to process prior to a mission as well as grief and loss that are a part of the mission experience.  Grief and loss events include:

• Childhood ending. The period between high school ending and mission service is a time of significant life transition.
• Serving a mission can mean a loss of choices. Missionaries do not get to choose where they serve; they may be disappointed about location assignment. They may feel frustrated or trapped by certain aspects of mission life.
• Grief and loss that comes with changing companions, changing areas, leaving behind people you taught, especially if they get baptized after you leave and you don’t get to participate. 
• Grief and loss that comes with missing any big events at home like a wedding, death, graduation, etc.

Processing grief and loss prior to leaving helps lighten the load a missionary carries with them and also provides them tools to process the grief and loss that will occur during a mission.

5. Develop self-efficacy and self-advocacy. 

Self-efficacy is a person’s belief to act in a way to achieve a desired result. Self-advocacy is a person’s ability to speak up for themselves. From my observation, I believe both of these characteristics tend to be underdeveloped in young adults in the church. This can then lead to young adults on missions not able to take the necessary actions to advocate for themselves if they are in need of safe housing, adequate food, or medical care. The lasting effects of this can be devastating. 

6. Recognize abuse and assault.

In the church there is generally a culture of be nice, just get along, don’t cause contention. Unfortunately, this can lead to young adults serving as missionaries not recognizing abuse when it happens to them or others. If abuse happens and is recognized, many young adults have not been taught how to respond to keep themselves safe. Too many mission presidents do not know how to recognize or respond to abuse either. As one survivor shared, while her assault was horrible, the lack of care from her mission president and the church felt like a second assault. 

The church does not make figures available for how many missionaries are victims of abuse or assault each year. I do know that missionaries often live in neighborhoods in the U.S.that are not safe and are sent to countries where the U.S. State Department advises increased caution or travel reconsideration. Additionally, the church culture of deference to authority places missionaries at risk for abuse of all types by leaders. Many missionaries are not aware that they can leave their mission at any time. While it would be best to notify their mission president, they do not need permission. Missionaries serving in countries other than their home country may have their passport kept at the mission office. In this circumstance, missionaries need to know that they have a right to their passport whenever they ask for it. A mission president refusing access to a passport is at best abusive and may also be illegal. A missionary who has been taught to recognize abuse can be prepared to advocate for themselves if they find themselves in an abusive situation. 

7. Prevent scrupulosity, toxic perfectionism, and other mental health issues.

A culture of transaction -‘do x get y’-  is prevalent in the church and even more so on missions. This can vary with individual mission presidents as each sets a different tone. At the same time, the church in general provides ample conditions for individuals to develop mental health issues ranging from mild to severe. A therapist friend of mine commonly works with returned missionaries who have developed toxic perfectionism. Therapist Valerie Hamaker addressed scrupulosity in four episodes of her podcast Latter-day Struggles. Episode 234: “Spiritual Scrupulosity [Part IV of IV]-Healing a Culture of Competition, Transactional Worthiness, and Perfectionism in LDS Full-time Missionary Service,” provides helpful information for prospective missionaries, returned missionaries, and others concerned about the well-being of missionaries. (Note that this episode is available to paid subscribers. I upgraded to a paid subscription to have access to all episodes and found it well worth the money.)

8. Address authority wounds. 

One of my favorite songs is “Tyson vs Douglas” on the album Wonderful, Wonderful by the Killers. Lead singer Brandon Flowers explained that the song came from his experience watching the February 1990 fight when underdog Douglas took down champion Tyson in the 10th round of a fight. In a BBC interview Flowers recalls, “”Mike Tyson was perfect to me. He created such excitement around the world – but he lived in Las Vegas [where Flowers lived], and he got my dad excited, he got my uncles excited, so that made me want to be excited about it….Then Tyson got knocked out [and] my whole view on the world changed. It wasn’t supposed to happen.”

To me, the way Flowers viewed Tyson is how many members view the church. The church and church leaders are heroes. They aren’t supposed to let us down. The problem is people are people no matter  what calling they hold. At some point, a church leader – even the prophet – is going to disappoint you. We can pretend this doesn’t exist or we can be aware that disappointment will happen so that we can prepare to face it. Acknowledging when our heroes fail us is important to our growth. As Flowers sings in the song, 

As hard as it will be when a revered authority figure does something disappointing or even horrific, we can’t grow up if we don’t face it. If someone has been taught to trust authority unconditionally, believes leaders are always inspired, or believes leaders always have missionary’s best interests at heart, the shock of learning otherwise can be an incredibly traumatic experience. 

Addressing authority wounds prior to a mission can be an opportunity for prevention. It can be a time to develop personal authority. It can be a time to acknowledge that while people serving in the church are doing their best, it’s not wise to turn personal authority over to the institution or leaders. Items for a prospective missionary to consider include:

• Don’t depend on the church to act as a parent and provide everything that is needed. 
• Be prepared to speak out when something is needed or act for your safety even if it is against your mission president or zone leaders’ directions.
• Research information about the mission area you or your young adult is assigned to. Know how to stay safe, learn about local customs, learn what behaviors would be considered offensive.
• Repeat: know how to stay safe. Plan for how to respond to catcalls, groping, and assault. 
• Determine how you will act if your mission president or zone leaders ask you to do something you consider unsafe such as being out in inclement weather, talking with someone who is drunk or high, or being out after dark.
• Address any ‘magical thinking’ such as beliefs that missionaries can’t be harmed.
• Considering having emergency cash so that a missionary isn’t dependent on their church stipend. 
• Be firm about needs such as adequate sleep (hint: 8 hours is not enough for most 18-20 year olds), exercise, food, and safe housing. 
• Make sure your missionary knows how to access medical care in the area where they will serve.
• Read the stories shared on the Instagram account ldsmissionarywellness_stories and discuss with your missionary how they would handle the situation. 

Missions have potential to be formative, for better or for worse. Young adults and their parents are required to show significant preparation for a mission such as doctors and dentist visits. Including therapy as a foundational preparation for a teen/young adult serving a mission can act as armor to mitigate the significant potential for harm posed by the current mission structure. Mitigating this harm before a missionary is in the middle of mission service is like putting on a life jack prior to sailing out into water.  It’s best to be prepared in the event of getting tossed overboard instead of reacting after the event. 

Thoughts? If you served a mission, would therapy have been helpful preparation? Have you considered or found therapy helpful during or after a mission? If you are a parent of a prospective missionary, have you considered therapy to help your young adult prepare for a mission? If you are a mental health professional who works with prospective or returned missionaries, what is your perspective? 

P.S. The Instagram account ldsmissionarywellness_stories was formed to bring awareness to missionary experiences in order to make missions safer for those serving. If you served a mission (young or senior), are the parent/guardian of a missionary, are/were a mission leader, or otherwise connected to the mission experience, you are welcome to complete this form.  It will help these two returned missionaries collect and share as much data and stories as possible with the goal of creating community and bringing this information to the attention of the church.