I was driving down the highway when my daughter pointed out this billboard and asked me what it meant:
I know abortion is sensitive. I don’t want to get in a fight about it. I actually don’t want to talk about it, per se. I just want to talk about the issues I have with this particular billboard.
So, first, let’s talk about the catchphrase “Real men love babies” … At first glance: great! It feels like they’re trying to appeal to a feminist agenda to say that real men don’t have to be into just “tough” stuff (e.g., toxic masculinity), but can be real men by being loving to babies. This is a super important sentiment as it allows both men and women important gender equality and it’s progress. Great idea!
HOWEVER
When they put that catch phrase “Real men love babies” it into the context of trying to convince men to not allow their sexual partners to get an abortion, then that’s a different situation. The billboard may as well have said, “Real men carelessly impregnate women who don’t want to get pregnant and then force them to carry the baby.” Huh, that seems right back at toxic masculinity.
So, the billboard, which seemed to be against toxic masculinity, was actually just promoting toxic masculinity in disguise.
That’s disgusting.
And now, to answer my daughter’s question of what that billboard means: toxic masculinity infiltrates every part of our lives – including the street signs we pass on a daily basis. That, I’m sorry to say, is what that billboard is about.
16 Responses
Could it possibly be trying to encourage men to step up to financially and emotionally support (ie love) the babies they are responsible for, thus reducing the burden on a woman who may feel that without such support the best option is to terminate, but with such support she would have the baby? I couldn’t get all the fine print on the billboard on my phone and don’t have my glasses, so I may have missed something that makes the point more clear.
Could have been done without the statement that there’s a heartbeat 18 days from conception in that case.. so yeah.. small print.. It’s an absurd claim in any case. This is far from a fully formed heart, with a pulse more likely to be heard at 28 days rather than 18…
I love this billboard. To me this billboard takes the stygma away from women and gives it to the men. It draws attention to the men who don’t take responsibility. To the men who sleep around then tell the woman they’ll pay for the abortion but won’t help raise the child. It speaks to all those boys growing up without fathers that they should have a father and it’s not their mother’s fault. It takes away the toxic idea that real men sleep with as women as they can. According to the Guttmacher Institute the most cited reasons for a woman to choose an abortion is lack of support…be it financial, means to care for a baby, or relationship problems. How many women do you know have a loving responsible partner who would provide and help care for the baby and still chooses to have an abortion? I suppose I can get behind any efforts to emphasize the importance of fatherhood. Especially since 1 in 4 children are living without a father in their life. When the largest predictor of academic, financial and marital success is growing up in a two parent home, let’s do what we can to emphasize the importance of men taking responsibility.
I read it the same way Mimi did. Not as encouraging men to be responsible for the baby’s care, which in “real men” culture is women’s work. But like the stereotype of the guy who takes pride in knocking up as many women as possible. It appeals to the kind of man who takes pride in his virility, not in his nurturing tendencies. The kind of man who wants to prove he is a “real man” wants to own guns, build muscle, and produce babies, not babysit. Real men keep their woman barefoot and pregnant. Real men want their DNA passed on and don’t care if the woman does all the work. They love the idea of babies.
If they had wanted to send the message that “real men” take responsibility for raising the baby, it would have been about responsibility, not just love. Because a man can love a child and still allow the mother to take all the responsibility of raising it. It would have mentioned the work and money involved in caring for the child. It would have said real men babysit. If they had meant all that hard stuff, they would have worded it differently. Something about caring for your baby makes you a real man. Or, real men are responsible for the child for 18+ years. Real men are responsible fathers.
Thank you for your comments!
I also do not like these billboards. I will say it. I despise them. On a road trip from Minneapolis MN to Madison WI I encountered about 10 of these types of billboards. If we say we care about babies, why are we doing things (political policies, etc) that hurt their mothers, keep babies and children and families in poverty, deny healthcare, count maternity leave as a luxury/disability, keep childcare extremely expensive/pretend childcare is socialism, etc. Thank you for articulating and naming this. And being generous. In a debate with conservative family members after Roe v Wade was overturned, this family, one male family member said “it’s just 9 months of your life” (grrrr) and the other male family member said “well what if the man wants to have a baby and the woman doesn’t want to” (then he gets into a relationship with someone who wants to have a baby rather than force a woman to be pregnant). After gestating, birthing, and raising a few children, I do not want ANYONE who does not want to have a baby to have a baby. I also want us to be less callous and do everything we can to promote peace//stop our war agenda USA. It is so incredibly difficult to gestate, birth, and raise a child. The loss of any human life to war/violence/exploitation is a tragedy. Let’s help real men stop abusing women and children and stop putting war and exploitation as top priorities.
Thank you! These billboards totally overly simplify things. You’re right: if we want to say we love babies, let’s do exactly what you said!
and…the “just 9 months” comment is definitely irking me today especially since my baby just turned 3 and I’ve had backpain that started during the pregnancy and has never gone away…and that’s just the physical change, not all the emotional/mental/etc (and this is a baby that I chose to have!
Also, to objectify men for once, look at the crows feet on that guy–is he a grandpa or a sugar daddy?
Is the billboard appealing to potential grandfathers? “Your daughter got pregnant but can’t take care of the baby, so, as a father, your responsibility is to guilt her into having the baby since the heartbeat has already started and then you can hold the baby when the baby is born.”
Well, if that’s the case…then this will need a whole new blog post!
It’s funny because I just saw this billboard and wanted a screenshot of it because I love the sentiment. It’s interesting that you refer to masculinity as “toxic” – whereas I view feminism as “toxic” and aim to irradicate it from society. Interesting that you blame the man for getting the woman pregnant. As a Christian, since I never got married, I have never had sex so I don’t know about such pagan practices – but I am baffled as to how Issue 1 in Ohio was ever an issue. How is it in this day and age, with all the contraceptive readily available even to “teenagers” (a myth Americans created only fifty years ago), that even ADULTS are getting pregnant? I am 52 – when I was a kid, it wasn’t even allowed to be TALKED about, much less hand out condoms in school.
Finally and most importantly, ONLY IN AMERICA DO WE TELL WOMEN TO BE SUCH ENTITLED SPOILED BRATS THAT THEY ARE GIVEN THE CHOICE TO DECIDE WHETHER IT IS MURDER OR NOT. MURDER IS NOT DICTATED BY AN INDIVIDUAL – IF IT IS MURDER FOR ONE, IT IS MURDER FOR ALL.
YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO YOUR BODY – DON’T GET PREGNANT!!!
I hate this billboard. Why does the kid need a belt around its head? There’s no way a real man would think this is normal. I’d be like, will someone get this middle earth elf belt off the kid’s head please?
Call Menlo babies only real man allow women to choose!!
I also have issues with this billboard, but my reasons have nothing to do with pro-choice/pro-life. I just simply question the need for it because of another message it sends. The first question I asked myself was, Why is this necessary? For starters, the one billboard I’ve seen of this shows a black man holding a black baby (in an area that is quite clearly majority white). Until now, I had no idea that this was funded by a pro-life organization, nor did I know other iterations of it included men of other races.
Therefore, I had to ask myself, Is this a problem? Do black men not love babies? Is this such a problem that an entire billboard needs to be dedicated to the issue? I thought to myself, if I were a black man, I really would not like this billboard and if I were a black woman or child, I probably wouldn’t like it either.
Few people are going to go online to look up the meaning of a billboard or take the time to find out who funded it and the messages that can be inferred in the absence of more context are not flattering. Surely, we can find better uses for our billboards.
Excellent points! Thank you
Where is the chocolate men is what I was thinking when I seen it..real men love babies what about the chocolate man they love babies too ..ik im way off but me this is how I found your page because I was also feeling a way when seeing this one a street in Milwaukee.
😅😅🤣🤣