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Picture of Nancy Ross
Nancy Ross
Nancy Ross is an associate professor Utah Tech University, where she has been teaching for 16 years. Her Ph D is in art history, but her current research focuses on the history and sociology of religion. She recently co-edited a book with Sara K.S. Hanks titled "Where We Must Stand: Ten Years of Feminist Mormon Housewives" (2018) and has just co-edited “Shades of Becoming: Poems of Transition” with Kristen R. Shill. She is an ordained elder in Community of Christ and pastor of the Southern Utah congregation and works for the Pacific Southwest International Mission Center as an Emerging Church Practitioner.

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Uncomfortable Faith

Picture of Nancy Ross
Nancy Ross

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I wrote the this poem after being confirmed in my Community of Christ congregation in December 2016. I discussed my faith transition with Brittany Mangelson on the Project Zion podcast.

Uncomfortable Faith

I saw the blessing and confirmation of friends.
I waited
After a few months of waiting,
I made a plan to wait
Six more months.
Waiting felt comfortable.
I needed to be sure.

Comforted by waiting,
I waited.

Confirmation approached.
I felt uncomfortable, anxious.
Unofficially committed and comfortable,
Coming to an uncomfortable close.
I was sure
I needed more waiting.

On the day
In the service
My former pastor spoke of faith.
I knew I had been avoiding faith
But confirmation was an act of faith.
I wanted to be sure, which is faithless,
Comfortable being in-between and officially unofficial.

Faith had been waiting for me,
God had been waiting for me,
To move past my Mormon certainty
Into the unknowingness of faith,
Into a life of discomfort.

Read more posts in this blog series:

Nancy Ross is an associate professor Utah Tech University, where she has been teaching for 16 years. Her Ph D is in art history, but her current research focuses on the history and sociology of religion. She recently co-edited a book with Sara K.S. Hanks titled "Where We Must Stand: Ten Years of Feminist Mormon Housewives" (2018) and has just co-edited “Shades of Becoming: Poems of Transition” with Kristen R. Shill. She is an ordained elder in Community of Christ and pastor of the Southern Utah congregation and works for the Pacific Southwest International Mission Center as an Emerging Church Practitioner.

5 Responses

  1. This is so moving, Nancy. It reminds me of one of my favorite quote about faith: “The opposite of faith isn’t doubt, but certainty.” Stepping into the darkness of the unknown can be the ultimate act of faith. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    Reply

  4. Nancy, I really like knowing things, but you pull me into remembering that not-knowing is where the growth lies. It hurts, in such a good way – because it reminds me that I need to offer a broken heart and a contrite spirit, which is hard, painful work, but has been so worth it in my life.

    Thank you for sharing this.

    Reply

  5. Nancy. I loved reading this and I really resonated with the last stanza.
    “To move past my Mormon certainty
    Into the unknowingness of faith,
    Into a life of discomfort.”

    For me, I took the word discomfort not as a bad thing… but still a very real feeling. Going from certainty and and someone always giving you a final word on what it right to being allowed to choose your own right.

    I have been a member of C. of Christ for 2 years, from being LDS… but I resonate with these feelings so much. Thanks.

    Reply

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Exponent II provides feminist forums for women and gender minorities across the Mormon spectrum to share their diverse life experiences in an atmosphere of trust and acceptance. Through these exchanges, we strive to create a community to better understand and support each other.

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