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Is sex in your relationship a little one sided? Or are you egalitarian all the way? Let us know in this week’s poll!
[polldaddy poll=4012596]
And for a bonus question; does this translate to who makes the condom purchases in your relationship, if you have need of them? Do you believe these responsibilities fall to one side more naturally?
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We want to hear your perspective! Write for Exponent II Blog by submitting a post here.
Our blog content is always free, but our hosting fees are not. Please support us.
Exponent II provides feminist forums for women and gender minorities across the Mormon spectrum to share their diverse life experiences in an atmosphere of trust and acceptance. Through these exchanges, we strive to create a community to better understand and support each other.
21 Responses
Re birth control: Dude went and got snipped. I figured, if I have to bear them, carry them, and feed them, the least he can do is shut down the canal.
I voted for 3. My husband’s vote was 50/50. I voted for mostly me since lately that has been more accurate. And I also vote for a schedule- whenever both kids are asleep and it’s not too late, we have sex. That’s our “schedule.” My husband claims that’s not a schedule, but I say it is because it means sex isn’t spontaneous.
We’re still not as equal as we could be, but I do notice that when I take the initiative, I have a much better time and it’s easier to get a certain something out of the experience.
And I’ve always bought the condoms because it was easy to grab them with the groceries, but after a recent trip to Walgreens looking for an alternate brand, I was surprised to see them in an isle of all men’s items, as opposed to the feminine product/pregnancy test isle at the grocery store. I wonder who is culturally expected to buy them? My husband seems to think it’s less embarrassing for me, but I think it’s just that I’m used to it. In any case, I’m buying them online now (for until my husband’s V is deemed 100% effective), so no more looking for the cashier least likely to make a face for me! 😉
I’m embarrassed to admit that I usually want him to initiate sex and then get a bit mad if he doesn’t. It sounds pathetic, but if he doesn’t put the moves on me at least a couple of times a week, I start feeling neglected. There is something about him being dominant or knowing that he wants me that is a turn on. This shifted sometime in my mid 30’s.
I think the birth control purchases really depend on the stage of life you are at. We haven’t used condoms for years, mostly because I have an IUD. I took the birth control pill prior to that, however. My husband always said he would be willing to take a male pill if one existed.
I think it’s one thing for tired parents, another for a younger couple (the question of who initiates sex).
That’s an interesting thought. We actually both initiate sex AND we both tend to be together when we buy the condoms or KY jelly or other things. I never really thought about it. We don’t lean one way or another. We just both do it.
I’m with Top Hat – I voted for two because we usually only get to have sex on the weekends due to our mutually exclusive work/kid’s sleep schedules.
But even though we only have sex on the weekends anyway, I’m usually the one who actually initiates sex. After the first 2-3 years of marriage, but before kids I probably initiated sex about 75% of the time – this led to some fights. I finally have figured out that he was raised to think “be considerate” so he frequently lets me make the first move because otherwise he ends up interrupting me when I’m trying to do housework or something where I’m not receptive. (We need to give him lessons in “Timing.” Someday. When we don’t have a toddler running around the house screaming at the top of his lungs.)
We’ve compromised by coming up with other ways that he can express that he desires me other than being the one who initiates sex.
I initiate sex more than my wife but the condom duties are shared equally.
nat kelly, glad to hear things are going well. I am having the same experience. The other night DH asked me, “What did you do, take Viagra?” 🙂
Nat and Stephanie’s comments got me wondering if decreased libido is a common side effect of taking the pill. I found this when I googled it this morning. Good to be aware.
“It appears that the birth control pill affects sex drive because it acts directly on a woman’s sexual hormones. In particular, the birth control pill inhibits the production of androgens, including testosterone, in a woman’s ovaries. Androgens have a direct effect on the pleasure that you experience during sexual intercourse. Additionally, the birth control pill also appears to increase the amount of sex-hormone binding globulin (SHBG) in the body. SHBG is a protein that binds to testosterone, preventing a woman’s body from using it effectively. High levels of SHBG have been directly linked to decreased libido and sexual desire.
In January 2006, a new study was released illustrating possible long-term effects of the birth control pill on the female libido. Published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, this study finds that women using the birth control pill showed markedly-decreased levels of sexual desire than those women who do not use the birth control pill. It also found that women who had discontinued use of the pill continued to suffer side effects in the long-term.”
Rebecca, that is good to know! Thanks for sharing. I just wish I knew it in 1998 instead of 2008!
Stephanie – Me too. I don’t remember ever being told about decreased sex drive as a possible side effect. I spent about 15 years taking the pill, when we weren’t trying for kids. Now I’m wondering if this was a side effect for me. I know a lot of women in their 40’s stop taking them for fear of other complications like blood clots. The church handbook discourages permanent sterilization, but the option of long-term pill use into your 40’s and 50’s seems too risky to one’s health. My sister-in-law told me that her OBGYN refused to prescribe them after she was 43 or so and started pushing to tie her tubes. Her physician was in a stake presidency for what that’s worth. I thought it was perhaps skewed advice, since having her husband have a vasectomy is way less invasive.
This is one of the reasons I’ve never done HBC. It messed me up too much when I first tried it, and after looking into why, I decided to stay away. I can’t say I’ve always been super randy off it though.