We hadn’t eaten breakfast, it was lunchtime, we had 35 minutes to get to the temple, and the drive would take roughly 25 minutes. If that’s not a recipe for a Wendy’s drive through moment, I don’t know what is.
As we jammed over to the Wendy’s and waited in line, my husband popped out his phone, because he’s a strong believer in coupons when one purchases fast food. While we waited in the line to order, he showed me a coupon for a generic cheeseburger and asked me if I wanted that. Time was of the essence, so even though I didn’t particularly want the cheeseburger, I shrugged assent and we pulled up to order.
I was only half listening until I heard the words “bacon,” “chicken,” and “Asiago Cheese.” “I want that!” I blurted.
My husband side eyed me in surprise. I was changing my order after having ordered and he was annoyed. We pulled up to pay for the cheeseburger and the deluxe chicken sandwich. “I didn’t know that was an option. You only showed me one coupon,” I explained in my defense.
He offered to switch orders, but I declined because he had ordered the spicy version and I would have preferred the standard version. After scarfing while driving, and a moment to think about what had transpired, my spouse said he was sorry. He didn’t know what he had been thinking to shortchange me with a substandard meal choice other than he had been in a hurry. I didn’t know what I had been thinking, except that I felt compelled to passively accept what was offered to me due to the rush.
In the way of parables, this story is supposed to show something for “those who have ears to hear.”
I hesitate to insist on an official interpretation of my story, though some themes of power and agency, gendered socialization, and self-advocacy stand out. This experience happened a few years back, but I find myself returning to it again and again. It makes me laugh. It makes me think.
When I say yes simply to please another person, why should I feel this overwhelming pressure to be agreeable and accommodating? Who benefits when a person doesn’t feel they are able to ask for more than they’ve been offered? What if the person who doesn’t feel they can ask for more is a person of color and/or identifies as LGBTQIA and/or is female?
What happens when we don’t know what we don’t know? What happens when the people with knowledge and power aren’t sharing their knowledge or reserve their knowledge for themselves?
What happens when it’s not a silly burger, but dignity, equality, respect, and empowerment at stake?
I leave you to your interpretation.
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
Lots to think about here! And when someone said yes to something because they didn’t know there were other options and felt some pressure to give assent and then they learn more, they get to change their mind! When in line for food, maybe it isn’t so easy to make a change like that. But in life, when you learn more, you get to make a new decision.
Yes this is so like life for women in so many ways. Women need to be taught to be assertive and not punished for wanting what they want. Also, children, and everyone who is in that awful one down position. We need to celebrate when people have and make better choices and learn to say YES to what they actually want. Empowering people is Godly and good!