The first time I went to tithing settlement after getting married, I discovered that nearly all the tithing I paid was placed under my husband’s name. I was so upset because my husband was in school full-time and I was the breadwinner at the time. I didn’t want someone else to receive the credit for the tithing I had paid. The bishop told me that the tithing is placed under the priesthood holder’s name. And when I hear things like that, it makes me dislike the word “priesthood” because it sounds like men get special treatment just because they have the priesthood. I told the financial clerk to put it under my name, but he never did. Perhaps the website didn’t allow him to. I’m glad that nowadays I can pay tithing online and it goes under my name. Also, at tithing settlement the bishop said he only needed to ask the husband if he was a full-tithe payer. This made me feel awful, like it doesn’t matter if I pay tithing or not. Am I not accountable for my actions? Paying tithing is important to me, and the bishop made me feel like it was only important for my husband. When I told a family member about this, she saw it as a positive thing, that the bishop saw me as an angel and didn’t need to ask if I paid tithing. But I didn’t agree with her view since the bishop had made me feel so awful.
– Anonymous
When we were first married, I was working and husband was in school. They put all the tithing I paid under my husband’s name. I pitched the biggest fit and got them to put it back under my name. I was SO angry about this.
– Anonymous
I had all my tithing put under my husband’s name after marriage. I asked to have it moved back to under my own name and was told it didn’t matter.
– Ashley Groesbeck
Pro Tip: Respect people’s requests when it comes to their records. If you wouldn’t put a man’s tithing contributions under his wife’s name, don’t put a women’s tithing contributions under her husband’s.
Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.
“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)
9 Responses
I’m sorry that male leaders and clerks are so often dismissive of how important an issue this can be. Regarding the first story in particular, it seems like the Church is mostly concerned with establishing men’s “worthiness” by checking on their tithing contributions, because the men are eligible to be called as bishops or counselors or stake presidents or high counselors or whatever. Since women are excluded from these callings regardless of what they do, then it just doesn’t matter as much to track their “worthiness.” It’s an awful message to send, a reinforcement of the already-pervasive message in the Church that women don’t matter, and what women does doesn’t matter.
Since I do all the bills, finances etc. I put all our tithing under my name. I dare anyone to tell me to do otherwise. My husband and I jointly agreed this was the easiest way.
Went to tithing settlement with my family and the bishop never made eye contact or talked to me or asked if I was a full tithe payer. Only asked my husband and kids. We were ushered out and the next family in before I realized what was happening. That was the day I started paying my tithing on my earnings separately. The bishop said he didn’t mean to forget me when I talked to him later, but it was because there wasn’t a paper with my name on it as a tithing payer. My husband still thinks it’s not a big deal but he hasn’t been forgotten. Also, I am the one managing the money and writing all the tithing checks and making sure kids pay. He’s barely involved. (Note we are working on being a team more with money management, but I’m still the one making sure tithing is paid. )
I don’t pay tithing. Where does your money go? Do they even tell you? No they don’t. Thousands get send to Salt Lake Headquarters, and very meager amount stays for the ward budget.
Also, they want you to pay Fast Offering, which means people pay 11% or more. I’m sorry, am I missing something here? Shouldn’t helping the poor be included in the FIRST 10% you just paid.
The blatant lack of financial transparency, lack of funds on the ward level, absolutely nothing going to the youth (in my ward), is reason enough to say “Show me the money because I have no idea where it goes.”
Saying “all is in order” is not enough for me and no legitimate organization, charitable or not, operates this way.
The financial secrecy needs to end.
Still, if you do pay tithing, make sure it is in your name, and give it ALL to the fast offering fund. That way it stays local.
Good for you. When I was losing my belief — especially when I learned about the church’s $32 billion in stocks — I began to give my money to charities that did meaningful things in the world, like donating to a different church that provides sanctuary to undocumented migrants. I wondered if I would be able to say “yes” to the tithing question in my temple recommend interview. I mean, isn’t it between God and me about whether or not I’m giving an honest tithe to “build up the kingdom of God”? I think there are a lot of charities that do more to build up the kingdom of god than the Mormon church, with its stocks and real estate and expensive lawyers that defend the church’s “good name” after a child is molested because a stake president asked a family with children to house a known child molestor (true story). I wondered if I’d have the courage to do it. I never found out because, by the time my temple recommend expired, I was totally done with the church — my belief was gone — so I never had to worry about what to say about it.
The last tithing settlement I attended was the one where the Bishop handed a report to my husband and each of my kids but not to me. Um, guess who brought in half the income, wrote the tithing checks, AND coerced tithe-paying out of the kids? The one person in the room who did not matter, that’s who.
I am still believing and active. I still pay tithing (online, with my name listed above my husband’s). But I do not attend tithing settlement on principle.
This issue has bothered me for years. I think the financial clerk is really tired of me talking to him about this. When we moved into our current ward a few years ago, I was surprised at tithing settlement that my tithing statement was blank. All of our tithing had been recorded under my husband’s name, without me even listed as the spouse on his statement. My husband and I own and work in our business together, and 50% of that tithing comes from me. I wrote all the tithing checks and donation slips.
I asked the financial clerk about it, and he said he can check a box to have my name added as the spouse on my husband’s the statement, but that the tithing is still recorded under my husband’s name. I asked how to get the tithing recorded under my name, and he said they attribute the tithing to the name listed first on the donation slip. For the whole next year, I listed my name first on the donation slip, but at the end of the year, they had STILL recorded all of the tithing under my husband’s name.
Now, I pay online under my LDS account, so it all gets recorded under my name with my husband listed as the spouse. My husband fully supports this because he thinks it’s ridiculous that they’ve always recorded the tithing as his when he’s never even written a tithing check before.
Are they worried about offending husbands? It’s so crazy?!
Why on earth would a bishop object to putting it under the right person’s name? My ex-bishop husband said that it’s true that they’ll automatically put it under the husband’s name, but if he ever had a family that asked him to keep it separately, which he did, he told his clerk to do it. His clerk would roll his eyes — because that’s (#NotAll) Mormon men for you — but he said it was really easy to do. Why the insistence on always having it under the husband’s name?