I was once asked if I would accept a calling, and said I’d think about it. Two days later, they called me to it in Sacrament Meeting. I actually raised my own hand in opposition, I was so stunned they would do that. They never set me apart and said they’d correct it. They then treated me as if I had this calling, phoning repeatedly, and other ward members phoning repeatedly to ask me to do my job. I would patiently explain each time that it was not my calling, it had been a mistake, and I was not set apart to do that calling. When they did call a church court on me, in part it was for not obeying my leaders, they said…and this was part of it.
– Anonymous
A few years ago I was very surprised when my name was presented in Sacrament Meeting as the new temple prep teacher. The bishop called for a sustaining vote. My mouth was hanging open in confusion The bishop pointed at me and laughed, explaining, “I didn’t ask her first because I knew she would accept.”
– Laura Weenig Christensen
I was in the Primary presidency, and we were having difficulty getting anyone to accept the nursery leader calling. Since my oldest had just past the 18 month mark, I suggested to the Primary president that she release me and call me to the nursery instead. Then she would only have to have one more name approved and called. There should always be two adults in nursery, but we also had 10 kids in there, so it was imperative that we have two.
She did that, and they interviewed me for the calling. I told them that of course I would accept, but only when they also called the assistant because it wasn’t a job I could do alone. I was told that wouldn’t be a problem. Next Sunday I was sustained – alone. I asked after the meeting about the assistant and just got “we are working on that.” I gave them another couple of weeks and then called one Sunday morning during bishopric meeting to ask if they were ready to call my assistant that Sunday. When they said no, I then told them to release me to give them more time to call the assistant. They did.
I was then in a very tricky situation. I knew there were no nursery leaders, so I couldn’t take my child there unless I went too and if I went then other parents would just assume that I was the nursery leader and they would all leave their kids. My only option was to simply leave church after Sacrament Meeting until nursery leaders were called.
Several months later they interviewed me for another calling and started off with, “We know you have issues accepting callings . . .”
-Lori LeVar Pierce
Pro Tip: Respect women’s input and consent about the callings extended to them. Do not sustain anyone in a calling without their consent or their conditions being met.
Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.
“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)
4 Responses
Oh, wow. I about choked on these.
This is just awful. I’d never heard of someone being given a calling without their consent. It always takes such a long time for the bishopric to call people. I was in a presidency and needed help, so I asked for an assistant secretary, and it took them several months until they called one. They called one probably a month before I was to move away for schooling. At least I had time to train my new secretary.
I think that one way this issue could be solved is if church policy allowed other members of the ward council to give callings, not just the bishop. The bishop has enough on his plate already, so it makes sense to delegate this responsibility.
Never attribute to malice what can easily be explained by poor bureaucratic communication.
I once was chased down the hall by the bishopric counselors, trapped in a room and set apart by force for a Primary calling that I had refused. I remember walking home after church bent double in tears over my baby’s stroller while my husband raged. One counselor eventually apologized but they still left me in that calling for over six months.
Years later, I asked to be released from my Stake RS calling because I was in law school while working full time and didn’t feel like I was able to dedicate the proper time and energy to the calling, and the Stake President berated me for over an hour for going against his revelation on the calling. He released me, but a few weeks later, our brand new bishop called me in just to pick up where the Stake President left off.
We women have no self-determination when it comes to how we serve in the Church.