My three kids are all members of our local Cub Scout troop. There is no end to the irony of this fact. When the church and scouts officially parted ways in Spring 2018, I was dancing in the streets (not literally) for joy that I would not need to confront the dilemma of scouting simply because I happen to be a mother to boys in the LDS church. Scouting was the past and I was more than happy to move into my Scout free future.
Alas, when my boys were in second grade, they asked to join their friends from school in Cub Scouts and so started as Wolves. What could I do? The interest came from them. While I still had (and have) mixed feelings about the program, having grown up with my face pressed against the barrier of “no girls allowed,” it didn’t seem enough of a reason to say no. A few years later, my daughter is an enthusiastic Tiger and my two older boys are Webelos
In our small New England town, the cub scout troop is housed in the local Catholic church. They cosign the bank account, give us space to store things in the basement, and let us use their space for meetings as needed, but otherwise maintain a hands-off approach to the pack. The pack is run by us parents, with everyone taking a role when they can and how they can. Thus far, pack parents have committed to eliminating indigenous appropriation, taking two deep leadership seriously, and welcoming girls (and my gender nonconforming child) into the pack. With all this, I find that I actually have very few concerns. We do fun activities, we enjoy the community of kids and parents, and nothing seems to be too rigid or dogmatic.
In every way the Cub Scouts we’re experiencing today is a far cry from the scouting program I experienced as an outsider during my youth and during one ill-fated stint in a Cub Scout calling, where I mostly contemplated what it means to contribute to one’s own oppression and also how to create obstacle courses with zero dollars.
Earlier this year, our very first female Arrow of Light graduated up to Scouts. She was the first female member to join the pack, which made for a moving ceremony. As her father tearfully guided her through the stages of her Cub Scout experience, he referenced her “honorary Cub Scout” years before girls were officially allowed membership. This young girl was a strong leader in our pack, but her first years in the troop were spent in the shadows, invisibly completing each badge while her older brother went through the program.
I found my emotions were on the surface as I celebrated our young pioneer scout who may not quite realize yet what a triumph it is that she crossed the bridge into Scouts, welcomed by the young women of the Scouts troop. She’ll face other barriers in her life, but this particular bridge isn’t one of them anymore.
The younger girls of the troop have all aged into the program organically. I imagine someday it might be comical to them to imagine a time when girls couldn’t be members of the Cub Scouts, despite being only a few years behind our pioneer scout. My daughter will experience a scouting program fully separate from her church experience. My own discomforts, born of a time when Scouts was synonymous with the church whose programs were strictly and stereotypically divided (and it was pretty obvious who was getting the better end of the deal) might even be inconceivable to her.
When the church parted ways with Scouts in 2018, girls were also welcomed into packs that same year. It’s difficult to resolve that these two shifts happened around the same time. After all, in most ways, the church is still strictly and stereotypically divided across gender. As I observe how Scouting has evolved, it’s discouraging to think that my church is choosing not to change. As encouraging as it is to watch my sons look up to strong young female leaders in Scouts and see the girls do everything the boys can do, it’s equally discouraging that this is still not the experience they’ll have at church hosted activities. If even the Scouts can do it, it’s more than past time for the church to catch up.
Photo by Jason Gardner on Unsplash
4 Responses
I love this so much. Thank you for sharing your surprisingly positive experience with Cub Scouts.
I served in Cub Scouts briefly in 2017-18. I had a son who was going to be 8 in a few years so I assumed this would be a good sneak peek into what to expect. Mostly that experience made sure that I wasn’t sad AT ALL that he would never get to participate in Cub Scouts. I couldn’t believe we were supposed to plan an elaborate activity EVERY week with barely any budget and zero parent involvement.
I’ll never forget attending some sort of multi-stake scouting leadership training. I accidently went to the wrong breakout session so I was with all the Primary Presidency Counselors. I could see them start to panic as they realized they’d been called to serve in an organization that expected so much of them. They were being told how to hold planning meetings with the people serving in Cub Scouts, how to make a calendar that extended over the whole year, how to make sure that every boy was making progress in the program, how to plan big yearly activities. All those things sounded cool in theory, but no one was considering the fact that these women had zero bandwidth for something like this. They’d said yes to their Primary Presidency Callings thinking that it would be a Sunday only calling. They’d never expected to be beholden to Boy Scouts of America.
I came home from that training furious. My parents were visiting and I told them, “If we are expected to put that much energy and planning into this organization shouldn’t the girls also be involved?”
This was right around the time that Cub Scouts started allowing girls to participate. I found a local group and took my girls to one or two activities. They had fun and I loved that it was parents led. But ultimately we didn’t have time for another weeknight commitment. (Especially since I was still trying to serve in Cub Scouts in my ward on another weeknight.) We decided that most of the fun scouting stuff was just stuff we could do as a family so we never found another group. But I’ve always liked the fact that my girls could be involved if they wanted.
I’m pretty certain I remember where I was when I read something that said that the church was ending its relationship with scouting. I was so happy! My brief stint in cub scouts had shown me that NO ONE was enjoying it.
Wow, I didn’t plan to write a novel here, but your post brought up a lot of old memories and feelings. I love hearing that girls are thriving in the program. That’s so good to know.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
I initially wanted to celebrate a milestone achievement, but as I reflected on my own memories, I felt anger. So much of scouting in the church was built on unpaid labor and so much of that labor was female – people who could give all their time and effort and money, but never personally benefit from the program in their youth or see their daughters benefit from the program. My own stint in Cub Scouts was a nightmare. Leadership never got me a partner, so I was propping doors open and trying on my own to keep the chaos to manageable levels. We never had the resources the manual asked for, so it took extra time and effort to find workarounds.
And the second that all that unpaid labor could be used to benefit both boys and girls, the church parted ways with Scouts. I don’t know if that’s a coincidence or was a point in the divestiture, but it’s maddening to see what Scouts is now and feel that my church purposefully turned away from inclusion.
My brother did scouts as a teen, but only through the community since my parents didn’t feel the church scouting program was robust enough.
But even doing it outside of the church program, if you had asked me 10 years ago if I’d let my kids do scouting, I would have said no because of the policies about gay leaders and girls. But last year my 13 year old was invited to scouts by some girls in their classes and is now going backpacking with them this weekend! My 13yo is non-binary and is in a patrol that is all girls. The leaders and parents in the troop are so welcoming. I have guy friends who were in my brother’s community troop who are so excited for their daughters to join scouts and I get to see their pictures of their outings on their social media. It’s really great now.
Cub Scouts I actually loved for my sons, and struggled with the way the local leaders ran it. My oldest son was the only boy in his year at church, so when his leader wasn’t stepping up I ran Cub Scouts in my home, often for him and his best friend who lived nearby. I loved the Cub Scout manual and the things I was teaching, hated that no one supported me. Later, when my younger son was of age, a poor woman was called and asked about meeting at her house at 3 and was shocked when I said no because I had a full time job. A year or so later I found out Cub Scouts was happening with another ward but no one had told me, and by this time I was available to drive to those later afternoon meetings and swallowed my resentment and took my son because he loved it.
I thought what the Cub Scouts taught was wonderful. But I always felt that Scouting did not work with the Church. The two have always had different goals, different focuses.
And don’t get me started comparing it to what the Activity Girls had!