“Let woman learn in silence, with all submissiveness.”
(1 Timothy 2:11, RSV)
A few days before Melissa Inouye died, she suggested that the one thing Latter-Day Saints could do better as a faith community is to “preserve the words of dead Mormon women.” Her bold and pointed plea shines a light into a vast hole of Mormonism, a hole shaped like the words of women.
Unfortunately, the silencing of Mormon women started at the very origins of our religion. Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, in her book A House Full of Females, tells the story of Eliza R. Snow’s precious Relief Society minutes (that she meticulously wrote and carried across the continent) and how in 1853 her words were distorted from their original text to center male authority and power. Eliza’s words were edited unapologetically by a group of male leaders and then approved by the prophet and published in the Deseret News. This is how patriarchy silences women. Additionally, when Brigham Young authorized the building of a fireproof vault for church records the same year, “Eliza’s minutes were not among those preserved.” (310)
Luckily, many of Eliza’s words miraculously survived on their own but so many other words of Mormon women are lost forever and will never be spoken out loud. These stories remind me of the harrowing lamentation of Ana, the fictional wife of Jesus in Sue Monk Kidd’s novel, The Book of Longings, when she realizes her life and stories are excluded from history simply because she is female, “I found no answers, only the sting of being erased.” (407)
There are many, many ways to erase women from the narratives of history but the one that scares me the most is the silencing of women by creating Silent Women who have no stories of their own to tell – women who tell the stories and words of men as if they are more important than their own.
In April 2019, Sister Sharon Eubank shared a story about a vision she received early one Saturday morning. She called it “a little dream” and described the scene she saw and the feelings she felt about a dark gazebo with arched stone windows. It’s a beautiful dream and I admire Sis. Eubank’s deep goodness, but the whole thing fell disappointingly flat for me. Sis. Eubank boldly shares her dream but then her dream pivots back securely into a man’s myth and interpretation.
Her dream seemed like someone else’s dream. Sharon only has one “she” in her entire talk. Contrastingly, Sharon’s talk is littered with quotes and stories by men and includes thirteen “he”s, one “him,” and five “his.” That’s a total of 19 to 1. Are these her words? Or is she just the vessel for theirs?
Sharon Eubank’s dream reminds me of another prophetess who dreamed about stone tablets.
Sue Monk Kidd, in her book, The Dance of the Dissidant Daughter, describes a dream she had about a shriveled old bishop who attempted to whack her with two stone tablets. She notices that the tablets are inscribed with the Ten Commandments and the bishop is too weak to lift them so she grabs the tablets from him and places them in a bag before walking away. Soon, in her dream, Sue meets an old smiling woman inside a cottage filled with flowers. When Sue looks in her bag, the stone tablets are gone and in their place is a Russian nesting doll.
In Sue’s dream, the wrinkled woman sings an exuberant song about “beautiful breasts and beautiful wombs,” and when Sue looks into a dream mirror, she is struck by her beauty and awed that her reflection is “nested” within the old crone’s.
The difference between Sharon’s dream and Sue’s dream is that Sharon’s dream is safe and approved by patriarchy while Sue’s is untamed. Sharon’s falls securely into Mormon theology without disrupting the male narrative; I knew she’d find peace and light through faith just like the brother of Jared did. But Sue’s dream is not distorted to fit into a patriarchal narrative or held up by one. In fact, it puts that narrative into a bag and transforms it into something else, something unsafe and entirely different and feminine.
Kidd laments that “Being a Silent Woman is not about being quiet and reticent, it’s about stifling our truth. Our real truth.” (70) In other words, women can speak and regurgitate men’s stories, the scripture stories they are made of, the stories they are beaten with, the stories as old as time, but are those Mormon women’s real truth?
Women can speak boldly and loudly from pulpits and still hide their bloodstains and blood symbols and their breasts and wombs and their wisdom and their dreams from everyone who listens. They can keep their truths hidden inside the bags they hold, clinging to the ancient stone tablets. They can be Silent Women.
Or, we can open the bag and find something else, create something new and wise and feminine and real. Preserving Mormon women’s voices is so much more than just placing them in fireproof vaults, it’s about leaving the old (and new) stories that don’t include us and building our own. We need new myths. We need more stories. Mormon women’s stories. We need more than recycled patriarchy. We need to leave the old, weak men behind us and find ourselves in the mirror, beautiful and unspeakably valuable.
We need to preserve Mormon women’s real words.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Photo by Julia Kadel on Unsplash
22 Responses
I notice in meetings when women are not quoted and their stories are not shared. Sadly, I’d say anecdotally that in co-ed meetings, male speakers and female speakers are equally likely to only quote men. I get that it’s easier–to borrow Lavender’s numbers, the ratio of men’s words to women’s words are probably about 19-1, so there are a plethora of “good” male quotes to a single “good” female quote. But also … we live in the age of Google! And now AI! It only takes a little extra work to find quotes and scripture stories and life stories by and about women. It gets even easier when speakers allow themselves to use stories from people of all/no faiths.
I completely agree! I keep thinking the same thing: I can understand that 100+ years ago women’s words were difficult to access because of an array of tragic silencing BUT women’s words are so easy to access now! There SO many incredible women (dead and alive) who write books, articles, and give talks and lessons, etc. We should be preserving their words by studying them, quoting them, and contemplating their unique ideas. There is no excuse for women to remain in obscurity in Mormon dialogue.
Natasha, this is a beautifully crafted post. I love who you frame it with Melissa’s words and how you bring in these two contrasting dreams. My patron saint is Emma Smith. I feel grief she burned her journals (as far as we can tell). I don’t think she would have if her husband didn’t abuse and betray her. But her words that remain are a lifeline to me. She concluded polygamy was dud revelation and horrid spiritual fruit but still affirmed the basic goodness of the faith tradition. And she was the closest witness to our founding events. I trust her over any man on this issue and on women’s true place in the church.
This conversation reminds me of a recent convo I had with my bishop. I was trying to get him to see that in today’s world, with the perspective and experiences my son has, the teachings that women’s can’t do things like priesthood ordinances, and that women need to play a different and less authoritative role in the church are NEVER going to work for him. My son already discerns and has decided that this is all just human stupidity. Not possibly divine. There is a lot at stake in this issue for him because the gender inequality makes him not want to participate. Even after my strong words, the bishop still said something like, “Well, maybe with time, as he gains a testimony, his beliefs could align with what the church teaches (i.e. that women need to stay in their place). I felt so disgusted, so angry. Why couldn’t he get what I was saying? Felt like he wanted to erase the growing importance of women and women’s authority and spirituality in my family.
Thank you, Candice Wendt. I recently read Mormon Enigma and my heart aches for and is inspired by Emma Smith. Thank you for sharing and remembering her.
Also, I agree with your darling son, “it is all just human stupidity.” I understand your disgust and anger – it’s so frustrating to not be understood! And also, it’s so frustrating to be told by church leaders that faithfulness is conformity and the oppression of women. Arg! Thank you for having the courage to share your thoughts with your bishop (it has to make a difference!) and for being an incredible mother.
That he could say that with a straight face””maybe with time, as his testimony grows, he’ll become more sexist and willing to believe that all women must fit into a small box”–I mean, it’s such a mystery why girls and young women are leaving at such high rates.
Your bishop’s word left my mouth agape. Your bishop wants your son to gain a testimony and/or belief that gender discrimination is acceptable. Speechless. It’s stunning that this person who is a bishop can’t see the problems with that. I’m peeved that testimony – originally meant to be a declaration of how a person came to be converted to Jesus – is used as a cover to convince people that all church practices, policies, doctrine are divine. Not only does this shove Jesus aside, it leaves no room for continuing revelation. What if instead of your son’s question being about women and priesthood, it was about people of color and the priesthood? The church has found it possible to admit racism isn’t from God, so why is the institution still clinging to the idea that sexism is from God? You’d think that collectively we would have learned our lesson from 1978.
All of this!
Thank you, L Briggs!
Is it weird that I was put off all the church bible videos because the video where the baby Jesus is taken to the temple for the first time, the part of the story where Simeon recognises the Messiah is central, and the part of the story where Anna does the same is utterly absent. That was such a gut punch.
Yes, Hedgehog, I really feel that gut punch seeing it is my namesake being utterly erased. We talk in church about Simeon being such a wonderful prophet and just totally ignore Anna because being a worthless woman she couldn’t have been a prophet, so that has to be part of the Bible not translated correctly. Why can’t we as a church even mention the women in the Bible? And Anna was also the name in most Christian tradition of Mary’s mother, so Jesus’ grandmother and I have wondered if it could be the same Anna, who when she became a widow went to work at the temple.
Thanks for sharing, Anna! A beautiful name. Mormons miss out on so much by erasing women from ancient and modern stories.
Thanks for sharing, Hedgehog. And thank you for noticing and feeling the loss. I remember, a few years ago, there was an ensign article titled “women in the Bible” and I was so so excited to read the article. But while I read it, I started shaking and sobbing. The message from every female in the Bible mentioned in the article was to listen to your husband, have babies at any expense, obey, be silent, and obey. I don’t know why I thought the message would be something beautiful and feminine . . . But it still broke my heart to have the Bible women used as weapons for Mormon women’s silence and obedience.
Dance of the Dissident Daughter is a fantastic book! I’ve been thinking lately about women’s words. Now in my late 40s, I see women a decade or two younger than me advocating on social media for the same things I tried to fight for back then. Back then meaning when I was idealistic enough to think that if only ‘the brethren’ knew how much women needed Heavenly Mother, if only they knew the harms of sexism, they would stop. Little did I know there have been women like me every generation before me. Each generation keeps starting from scratch because we have so few women’s words. It’s exactly what Amy Allebest has described in Breaking Down Patriarchy. podcast. I know women’s words are out there; I have scraps of them. Perhaps it’s time to start a podcast or repository of Mormon women’s words so they can be found in one place. Typing this, it’s likely that such a place exists and that I don’t know about it. You bring up important points. So how to change this state of Mormon women not knowing our own history? I’m not holding my breath for it to happen in Relief Society.
Thank you so much for your comment, Bailey. That is an another wound of silencing women: that each generation of women is cut of from the prior one, each generation thinking we are the first to say these things and think these thoughts. It’s a true tragedy. I LOVE the idea of a podcast that preserves Mormon women voices!! There needs to be a systematic, intentional way of preserving Mormon women’s words or else it will continue to not happen.
The book “women and authority” edited by Maxine Hanks is an important part of this work you describe. A number of the authors gave their membership in the church for this book because it was seen as so controversial at the time. I agree it needs to continue. And I also see many editors collecting essays by not just women in the church but also our queer siblings in the church who have always existed and always been silenced. I feel encouraged by the opportunity for so many voices to be heard.
How can a church that actively ignores at least half (or more) of its members also be Christ’s “only true church”? Jesus was the original male feminist. He treated women with dignity and gave them a seat at the table along with his apostles. Some of his greatest sermons and teaching moments were specifically directed to women. Also, he chose women to be the first witnesses to his resurrection, not men! So, how on earth could/can the Q15 and other GAs get it so wrong? If these men truly are his representatives on earth their egregious treatment of girls and women makes no sense at all to me.
I completely agree. Thank you for your comment.🤍
Thank you all! The thoughtful article and all the comments
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Imagine a general conference talk where a female leader admitted she’s been angry about something in the church where she’s been treated unfairly as a woman – and called it out as a systemic issue. It seems impossible! Everything they share over the pulpit is 100 percent approved by male leadership and they know they couldn’t slip something in that would make any of them look bad. It’s not really women’s voices when they are crafting it to make men happy with them.
Thank you for your comment, Abby. Not only are women HIGHLY outnumbered to men at the pulpits in Mormonism but all of women’s words are “approved” by male leadership. I am familiar with the panic and fear of saying something that hasn’t been previously said by a Mormon man over the pulpit. You’re right, this is a systemic issue and I don’t know if it can be changed when it is built on Silent Women . . . That’s why I love Exponent! This is where women’s words are preserved.
“Preserving Mormon women’s voices is so much more than just placing them in fireproof vaults, it’s about leaving the old (and new) stories that don’t include us and building our own. We need new myths. We need more stories. Mormon women’s stories. We need more than recycled patriarchy.”
Love this. It’s not just about preserving women’s words (which does matter!) to fit in a male narrative, but creating a narrative that includes women.