In the last month I unfortunately encountered a number of posts from members of the Church quoting scriptures about the dangers of pride, drawing the conclusion that pride month must be inherently sinful – like having an adultery month, or a murder month. I seethed. It frustrated me (beyond the obvious bigotry) because it relied on disingenuous self-righteousness. We all know that there is more than one definition of pride in the English language. Only the most uptight pedant refuses to say “I’m proud of you” when a child makes progress on the grounds that the word pride is bad. We know that some kinds of pride are bad, and some kinds are fine, or even good. To oversimplify, here are two ways of seeing it:

1) Pride as the opposite of humility. This is the sin we hear about in the scriptures. A lack of humility before God is the big no-no.

2) Pride as the opposite of shame and self-loathing. Shame and self-loathing serve no redemptive purpose and instead tend to send you into a spiral believing God could never love you so why try.

Pride month is about definition #2. It’s about saying “I am not filled with shame and self loathing about how God made me. In fact, quite the opposite! I like me!” Self loathing destroys the holy principle of “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” God wants us to rejoice in being created as we are, and to love others as they are. To me there is nothing remotely contradictory about a Mormon honoring pride month. I’m glad you like you! I’m glad you feel good about your spirit, and your body! Most of all, I’m glad you’re here, alive, sticking around with us. Hooray! A Mormon can express every one of those things without making any statement one way or the other about what you think of sexual intercourse. But of course, we can’t really seem to help ourselves, as a people, from making it about sex instead of identity.

Another favorite Mormon adage in June is “I hate the sin but love the sinner. God loves everyone!” I don’t happen to think that God makes any person wrong and therefore being LGBTQIA is not a sin. I will say that again.  The spirit you were born with is not a sin.  The body you were born with is not a sin. The way your spirit and your body interact with one another creating your identity, is not a sin.  

But for the sake of argument, let’s follow that line of thinking. Pointing out that someone else is a sinner is a judgmental act that none of us benefit from. Every person is a sinner, our whole thing is failing to be perfect 100% of the time.  I can be sharp with my kids, and a slovenly homemaker, and am very lazy about scripture study and prayer.  My approach to budgeting is slapdash and vague.  What if I walked around with a sign I couldn’t remove that said SHREW  SLOB   INFIDEL  SPENDTHRIFT?   It would be very easy for someone to say “oh I don’t want my kids playing with hers. The scriptures say we should pray often.  Her role is to create a home, and it is a cluttered heap.  We are counseled to be wise with money, but she doesn’t keep accounts very well!”  You’re right.  And these are just scratching the surface of my sins.  I’m also prideful, gossipy, not great at the Sabbath, I fail to honor my father… the list goes on and on and on.  I’ve never murdered a person, but I do love True Crime so that’s definitely kill-adjacent.  I’ve never committed adultery but I enjoy reality TV verrrry much. 

My point is, I’m a sinner.  And if you’re worried about seeming like you’re condoning sin by treating me with dignity and love, welp I’ve got news.  You’re just as bad.  As Elder Uchtdorf quoted “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”   So.  We’re on rather shaky ground when we make a big fanfare about hating sins.  It’s easy to hate a sin you’re not tempted to commit.  How good are you at hating the sin of breaking the law by exceeding the speed limit?  Are you rock solid on hating the sin of gluttony and sloth? Or is it cookies and Netflix tonight?  We’re all sinners.  None of us has any room to point fingers.  You hate sin by not committing it yourself.  That’s your job.  That’s my job. You don’t hate sin by prancing around waving a banner about how much you hate what other people do that is condemned in scripture.

Let’s move on to the second part of the adage.  Hate the sin – problematic.  Love the sinner? Easy peasy! You just say it! 

My question is this, and I mean it absolutely seriously. What have you specifically done to show love to the LGBTQIA community, or to a person within that community? I’m crystal clear on how y’all hate the sin. But love is a verb. It isn’t just a vague sense of benediction. How are you loving LGBTQIA people? And is it even approaching an equal and opposite scale to the energy our faith community devotes to hating the sin? I hear talks and lessons and posts all the time about condemning same-sex relationships. I don’t ever remember a service project devoted to mental health outreach, or supporting education about STIs, or financially supporting youth that get kicked out of their homes for their identity. Do you have any LGBTQ+ friends? Do they feel safe talking to you about their family, their relationships, their interests? Have they ever come to your home? Do LGBTQ+ kids play with your kids with the same privileges and inclusion as any other child?

If you can’t do pride month, fine. Do love month. Better yet, just do love. Figure out some small way to signal to the LGBTQ+ people around you that you care. Wear a rainbow. Ask about your friend’s daughter’s engagement to a woman with the same interest and kindness you would extend if she were marrying a man. You can honor your friend’s parental love without needing to say a peep about what sexual contacts you approve of. Educate yourself about the experience of LGBTQ+ youth in the Church, or at BYU, or in general. I’m not saying you have to approve of lady bits touching lady bits. But when you get right down to it, your opinion of lesbian sex is relevant only as it relates to your own sexual choices. As far as other people are concerned, the commandment is clear – love one another. As Christ loves you, love one another. By this shall all people know that you are His disciples – if you have love for one another.

Yes, I know Pride month is “over.” The commandment to love is still a thing in July.