I believe every married couple is in a mixed-faith marriage, regardless of whether they attend church together or not. My husband and I have been married 21 years this month, and I figured this out right after our temple wedding. Growing up, stake conference had always been the week my family arrived extra early to get the best seats up front, but my new husband told me his family had considered it a free day to sleep in and skip church. No matter how closely your beliefs may align at various times of your life, there will always be significant differences between you and your spouse. Part of managing any long-term relationship is learning to appreciate the varying perspectives that your partner brings to the table and using them together to create a more diverse and well-balanced relationship and family.
As our church grows and changes, more and more married couples are finding themselves in what is commonly called a “mixed faith marriage,” where one spouse believes and the other doesn’t. While this brings new challenges to any relationship, it doesn’t have to mean the end of it, or even a lessening of quality. Many couples have experienced the faith transition of one partner and used the experience to become even closer and more committed to each other than before.
We want to hear from you – both those of you who are in mixed-faith marriages and have experience and perspective to share with those who are new to it, as well as mental health professionals, therapists and coaches who can give professional advice to our readers.
After years of occupying this space myself, these are some common questions and concerns I’ve heard from those who are experiencing a mixed-faith marriage:
-How should you tell your spouse about your change in belief? How should a believing spouse respond to a disclosure like this?
-Advice and tips for dealing with in-laws and extended family in a mixed-faith environment.
-Parenting when both spouses would prefer different things be taught to their children.
-How to support your believing spouse in their church activity.
-How to adjust to your non-believing spouse no longer attending church with you.
-Sex and intimacy after a change in faith.
-How to discuss difficult topics (such as church history or frustration with church leaders) with your spouse in a way that won’t lead to arguments or hurt feelings.
-What topics should you keep to yourself, and what should you share with your partner?
-How to talk to ward members and leaders about your spouse who longer attends with you.
-How to respectfully minister to a mixed-faith family in your ward.
-What should you do with a marriage that was primarily based on a mutual belief in the church when one of you no longer believes? (Is every marriage worth saving, and how do you make that difficult decision?)
-Dealing with payment of tithing after a faith transition.
-Word of Wisdom shifts in a mixed faith marriage—how to approach trying coffee or alcohol for the first time as a non-believer, and how to deal with a spouse choosing to try these things when you are a believer.
-Religious holidays and religious events (baptisms, ordinations, blessings, the primary program, etc)
-Dealing with a spouse who resigns their church membership, or being the spouse who wants to resign.
-Navigating changes in your gender role as a non-believing wife (for example, choosing to go back to school or work after a change in faith).
-How to keep from turning your spouse into a villain in your mind.
These are just some of the ideas we would love to cover in this series, but there are many more you can write about. Contact Abby at [email protected] with questions or with your guest submission for the blog by the end of December 2023. At Exponent, we strive to amplify marginalized voices and honor all spiritual journeys, and we’d love to hear from readers on both the believing and unbelieving sides of a mixed-faith marriage. Thank you!
