The fine line between religious delusion and belief.
I’m sure each of us know stories about people in our lives or the media who took the idea of “personal revelation” too far. Their religious beliefs or promptings warped into true delusions which led them to make unsafe, bad, or even evil choices all in the name of “God told me to.”
We need not look any further than the first few chapters of the Book of Mormon to understand how someone could believe that hurting someone else, or even killing them, might be sanctioned by God for the “greater good.” One common thread is woven through media stories about Lori Daybell, the Lafferty brothers, Jodi Hildebrandt, and more- God wanted them to do something important, needed, necessary- and they believed they were acting on faith.
So how do we draw the line between religious delusion and personal revelation? This is something therapists and psychologists have wrestled with since before giving a diagnosis was even a thing. It’s almost impossible to do so because it all comes down to social and cultural context.
In one culture, it may be normal and acceptable to cry out in the middle of a church service and convulse on the ground while a church leader commands the demon inside of you to leave. In another, that type of behavior would be seen as quite unusual and unhealthy. In one culture, it seems reasonable to go to an elderly man, have him place his hands on your head, and listen while he tells you your future or potential as a child of God. In another, that would seem “out there” and “woo, woo.”
It gets even more complicated when you look at the research because studies of the brain show “religious/ spiritual experience” and “delusion” as activating many similar places. It’s difficult to distinguish between the two.
And while we know that there is almost a non-existent line between religious experience and delusion because it’s all based on social context, religious experience is still seen as a kind of thought-stopping, end-all when it comes to decision-making.
If your sister came to you and said “I think I need to go to that bagel shop on the corner.” You might say to her “It’s 3pm and you’re in the middle of your work day, why do you need to go to the bagel shop?” She might reply “I am just feeling prompted to.” or “I feel like the spirit is telling me to.” Or “I was just praying about it and feel like God is leading me there.” All of these responses would likely make you take a step back, shut down any argument you might have, and just go along with it. Maybe she does really need to go to the bagel shop. And who are you to argue with her personal revelation? Who are you to argue with God?
Going to the bagel shop on the corner likely won’t have life-altering consequences, but replace “bagel shop” with a type of parenting technique that seems dangerous or neglectful. Replace it with “leave my family and my 4 kids to go live in another country” and suddenly the line gets blurry. Could they really be acting through God’s will? Or are they using the idea of God’s will to justify their delusion (without even knowing that that’s what they are doing)?
I wish the leaders of the church gave more voice to this and all of the potential harms that can come when these lines get blurred. I wish they helped members know more about how to spot the difference between personal revelation and delusion. And I wish they publicly condemned the choices of members who take this to such an extreme that they end up on the news and in jail.
Through my own research on this topic, I have compiled 12 questions that can help someone determine whether their religious choice could be crossing the line into delusion.
- Does this behavior conflict with social/ cultural norms practiced by people I love and trust?
- Does this behavior cause harm to others or myself?
- Have I talked about this idea/ thought/ prompting with someone I love and trust?
- Do I feel any conflicting feelings about this choice? Guilt, hopelessness, fear, etc… can be important indicators that not all of the parts of you are on board with this being a good idea.
- Am I making this choice in a period of calm or does it feel pressured/ hurried?
- Am I making a choice or am I reacting to something?
- What are the consequences of making this choice?
- Does what I’m choosing align with my life circumstances and abilities?
- Can I give it more time to see if I still feel this way later?
- Does this choice promote love, kindness, and compassion?
- Is it consistent with the ethical and moral values of my faith?
- Am I using “God’s will” as a way to justify/ defend/ shut down any feedback about my choice to others?
Ultimately, my hope is that more people will recognize the harm that can come when religious choices are taken too far. Members of the church need to know they have a responsibility to call out this behavior or raise concern if they believe someone is making harmful choices in the name of God. I don’t know how to reconcile stories from the Book of Mormon that encourage illegal and harmful behaviors in the name of God, but I can do my part in the present to check myself and others when we are trying to decide if God is speaking.
9 Responses
Excellent post! And those questions are great. I have someone in my life who is currently claiming that their various delusions stem from their religious faith. This has ripped a family apart and has caused untold suffering. (Though in this particular case, serious mental illness is involved).
Well said! This is really important and I agree; I wish church leaders would address this. There have been times when I’ve felt prompted to do or not do something and it’s been rather innocuous. I’ve even experienced the result of a prompting that I ignored and it wasn’t too serious (more embarrassing, than anything). I’ve never had a prompting about something big, but these questions are something that everyone should consider and a smart idea when wondering if it’s a prompting or not.
I love this post. What an excellent example of this kind of problem, it’s a great story!
For me this kind of story makes the point that sometimes “revelation” is just insight into your desires, fantasies, or self-gratifying delusions. Like thinking you’ve received revelation God intends the hottest person in your singles’ ward, whom you hardly know, to be your future spouse. Fantasies, desires, or ego making themselves known and sometimes that can emotionally feel similar to a genuine experience of revelation.
I have friends who get caught up a “I’m constantly subject to be guided by God’s will and intentions, even in the minutia of my life” kind of mode of living. It can lead them to commit to kind of passively consenting to whatever shows up in their lives instead being a more intentional agent. I think some of the promptings and opportunities that pop up certainly could be blessings from God, but not all, and this mode can make us vulnerable to be taken advantage of. We don’t learn how to say no or set boundaries. And these instances of thinking violent impulses and disturbing murderous thoughts could come from God is simply horrifying. We need a spirituality with a stronger inner compass and sense of boundaries than this.
I live in the fast marriage capitol of earth (Utah County) and I see people all the time meeting and marrying extremely quickly because they believe God told them to. Sometimes these stories turn heartbreaking with a couple years.
Thanks for this article!
I think your questions are so helpful.
The leaders did attempt to address this via a talk by Elder Renlund in the conference right after he talked about Heavenly Mother..
I wished he had had shared the questions you shared. Instead, he shared 4 guideposts and one was “you’ll never receive revelation contrary to what prophets and apostles have taught,” which was beyond confusing for me and difficult. Your questions have so much more nuance.
Though, maybe he was trying to call out people doing extreme things without seeking confirmation. Maybe that talk just wasn’t for me.
Either way, your questions are far more helpful for a worrier like me! Thank you!
Back in the late 1990s, I taught a Gospel Doctrine lesson about this. We were discussing Nephi and Laban, and how Nephi knew God told him to kill someone else (contrary to the commandments). My point was that we can’t judge anyone if they really, deeply believe in their heart of hearts that what they are doing is from God. Can we intervene if we believe they are being destructive and having a mental crisis, etc? Sure! But we cannot judge them for their honest interpretation of God’s will.
I was also trying to help my brother. He had fasted, prayed, and agonized for months before receiving personal revelation that God loved him just as he was, a gay man. After he was outed to the ward, he bore his testimony of receiving God’s love for him and that being gay was okay. Unfortunately, the stake president was in that meeting and proceeded to tell everyone that my brother’s revelation was from Satan and he was possessed of a lying spirit. Revelations from God always agree with the prophet. Of course now the stance on LGBTQ+ people in the church has changed drastically, but in my lesson (taught a few weeks later) I wanted to show that great men like Nephi and Abraham are sometimes commanded to kill or lie or steal or cheat. Who can say if that was really from God or not? If I don’t know someone’s heart, I cannot judge them for what they believe God is telling them to do.
Having been raised by a father that was deluded in life-altering, marriage-ending, psychologically distressing ways it has been a life-long journey for me to tease apart this topic, as well. Where it gets even more interesting is when we see precedent for “personal revelation” by prophets themselves that don’t necessarily fit neatly within your very excellent questions. Consider Nephi who is “commanded by God” to slay Laban. Consider Joseph Smith whose life is supposedly threatened by a cherubim with a flaming sword if he does not initiate polygamy. Consider Brigham Young and the Mountain Meadow Massacre (and so, so many other things). My father used these examples as legal precedent, you might say., and why wouldn’t he? The church is rife with examples of personal revelation that know no ethical or moral bounds.
I have come to consider the “God told me so” impulse as becoming a God Victim, in the same way that Eve blames the serpent in “the Devil made me do it” sort of way. Both are immature and keep us spiritually stunted. I believe we aren’t meant to stay children of God perpetually. What does it look like to become Adults of God that don’t have to be commanded by Him in all things? Prayer, and our relationship with God, ought to evolve as we age just our earthly parent-child relationships do. I no longer seek for permission from God for my day to day choices, as I was taught to do as a child. Now, prayer is about communion, connection, comfort, and healing.
Thank you for your excellent post on such a vital topic that touches us all.
THIS. I actually had a guy I dated tell me that God told him that I was the one. The problem was I didn’t feel the same. He wouldn’t drop it and stalked me to the point I had to reach out to guy friends to help. It was frightening.
I am going to disagree with Melissa, I think we do need to judge them, just lovingly. If we were the brothers of Nephi, we would have to judge Nephi, even. Was he really commanded of God? Personally, I judge him to be an honest and upright man in a bad situation who thought he was commanded by God. Not delusional, but desperate. But also not commanded of God. By praying to know for myself that he was really commanded of God and not delusional or desperate and going to get us killed. That is judging him. I am not passing judgement. Just judging for myself to know what I should do.
But, I maybe don’t have to Judge Nephi cause he is dead, but I do have to judge my church leaders to know when to follow because God will hold me accountable if I follow a corrupt church leader. Say , if my Stake President announced that we needed to go over and hang brother Smith. Ummmm, nope, not commanded of God; I’m calling the cops. Or maybe I pray and get told that yes, the SP is commanded of God to say that and I should help hang brother Smith. Then after praying some more, and seeking some kind of evidence as to why, I might judge my SP as commanded of God. But I better be sure because it is still legally murder and I pay real life consequences. I do not believe the Mormon notion that we are blessed for following the prophet, even if he is wrong. We are blessed for praying to know if he is right or wrong and then following God. We are judged, not for following a man, but for following God. Even if I believe that a man is a prophet, if I get that niggling of conscience that say something may not be right, I obey that niggling and ask God. Then I obey God. I do not blindly follow a prophet.