“We need you; We love you.” – President Camille N. Johnson

While plenty has been well said about the recent Relief Society Devotional, I found myself curious about this perennial phrasing President Johnson used to open the devotional. She addressed 18 year old people coming into Relief Society, but to my perspective, it seems like women are always being told we’re needed in this church. Who is saying “we need you?” Who is being told they are needed?

Thanks to the General Conference corpus, I learned that in General Conference talks only, usage of the phrase “we need you” has increased somewhat dramatically from the 1970s to the present. With the 1990s as a weird outlier, the 2000s in particular have seen an increase.

Before, I would have guessed that women were most likely the main recipients of “we need you.” It turned out that wasn’t the case when I organized by topic.

Adult women rank third, behind missionaries and less active or believing members. Depending on how you want to combine the numbers, the youth have been told they are needed in 10 total instances, with young women scraping by with one, young men receiving four declarations of need, and the combined youth netting another five. Altogether, that could move adult women to the fourth slot. I don’t know yet what I think about these rankings. On the one hand, they fairly accurately demonstrate the priorities of the church. On the other, who is not on this list is telling in terms of race, gender, and sexuality.

There must be some sort of anxiety that prompts leaders to say “we need you,” given who gets told they’re needed the most. I believe leaders who use this phrase are using it with sincere intent, but perhaps not paying attention to how “we need you” is interpreted by their audience.

Need, in terms of mutual appreciation, is a way of recognizing shared bonds. That’s certainly the foundational element of every rain-soaked declaration of love in a rom-com. There’s a vulnerability in declaring “I need you” to another, who might reciprocate and might not. There’s exhilaration in knowing the person you need needs you too. There’s strength in knowing we need each other. There’s power in cooperation, collaboration, and mutual respect. This kind of need really isn’t so bad.

Then there’s the underlying sense of purpose and do-gooding offered by Uncle Sam pointing his finger on a poster. Being needed to support a higher cause makes any sacrifice required feel right and good, worthwhile. There’s purpose in being needed.

When President Barbara Winder said to LDS women, “We need you, each and every one. President Hinckley has told us, “God has given the women of this church a work to do in building his kingdom,” she was offering purposeful identity to LDS women. We’re here for a reason.  

Then again, “we need you” can be a persuasive argument predicated on the sense that one must be pulled back, drawn in, because otherwise they might walk away. Don’t leave – I need you!

Need implies want, but also demand. Synonyms of “need” include require, obligation, compulsion, desperation, and exigency. These words are less about mutual appreciation and higher purpose and more focused on something darker.

Need can be abusive and manipulative. Just ask any person who has survived a relationship with someone who weaponized their need.

When a person with power and authority as a leader of our church cries “we need you,” which message is coming through to their audience?

Given the generally increased usage of the last twenty years combined with lower retention rates and a heavy focus on missionaries and less believing/active membership already, I predict the 2020s will only see an increase of leaders telling the membership (and perhaps women in particular) they are needed.

As the refrain repeats again and again, it will be used to reel people back toward the faith and to offer purpose in furthering the faith’s goals. But will it be a declaration of mutual appreciation, trust, respect, and collaboration?

In recognition that membership and leadership have a shared bond, “we need you” needs to also be “we listen to you” and then “we’re acting to improve.” When thousands of comments on one Instagram post call for attention, listen, then act.

In response to being told that I am needed to serve, to sacrifice, and to contribute to the purpose of the church, then I must declare the needs closest to my heart.

I need it to be necessary, unfathomable, unthinkable for a ward to exist without female leadership and authority. I need women to sit on the stand. I need to be inspired by parity in General Conference as wise women impart their knowledge and experience to a mixed gender audience that accepts and acknowledges their authority. I need to raise my daughter in a faith tradition that accepts no limitations on her potential to serve.

I need it to be unthinkable, unfathomable for there not to be a place at the table for our LGBTQ members in full fellowship. I need for our incredible LGBTQ members to be told they are needed in this church every day, every minute until it becomes so obvious we wouldn’t dare question their place in God’s kingdom. I need my precious gender nonconforming child to be welcomed and safe from leadership overreach even when or if he chooses to be baptized.

But I can’t do any of that myself. That’s the realm of General Authorities, to whom I say, with all the mutual appreciation I can muster, I need you too.

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

This post is part of a series related to the March 2024 debacle where 8,000+ comments, largely by women, responding to the LDS Church’s Instagram post quoting Sister J. Anette Dennis appeared to have been deleted for several hours. Though the comments were restored, Sister Dennis’ talk and the Instagram post have inspired significant thought and conversation.