by LMA

November 2019

Coat and shoes. 

There is a part inside of me that wears a coat and shoes  all day, every day. She stands at the ready. To work. To achieve. To be good. To be helpful. To be perfect.

She spends time with Heavenly Mother.  She has to be asked  to leave the kitchen and come into the place where all of the parts of myself rest.  She’s making a meal for someone,  preparing treats for visiting teaching (that’s what it was called then), writing a thank-you card. 

Once she’s in the room,  she sees her Mama. She’s so tired, she wants to take off her coat and shoes and call Heavenly Mother “Mommy.”  The moment they make eye contact, she starts to cry. She’s been trying too hard for too long  to be good. 

Heavenly Mother knows without a word being said.   She tells her gently, “you don’t have to try anymore. You do not have to be good, You are good.  It’s alright to rest.  I don’t want you to keep hurting your body and spirit. I want your body and spirit to be safe and protected. “

Heavenly Mother gently walks up to her and asks if it’s okay if she help her take off the coat and shoes,  to rest a little.  She waits for her to say it’s okay.  She touches the little girl’s face  and hands her a Kleenex to wipe her tears.  When the little girl nods her head okay, Heavenly Mother gently pulls down the zipper of the coat,  softly pulling one arm at a time out of the sleeves. Next, she leans down toward the floor. She unties the shoes one at a time,  carefully pulling out each foot delicately. 

The little girl hides her face in her Mama’s chest and cries for a few minutes more.  Her Mama holds her snug and pets her hair as she cries.  When she’s ready, the little girl takes her place on the edge of the bed.  She wants to rest,  but doesn’t quite know how.  Heavenly Mother sits down on a chair next to her, holding her hand and tickling her back.

The coat and shoes are placed  lovingly by the door. So the little girl can look at them  when she needs them. She cautiously rests her head  on the headboard and puts a blanket by her face.  She feels safe with her Mommy nearby.