By C Brown
A former Rape Recovery Center educator, C has a master’s degree in curriculum development and has served in many volunteer organizations, including Foster Care Citizen Review Board, LDS Relief Society president, PTA leader, and literacy volunteer.
For several years I volunteered as a community educator for the Rape Recovery Center in Utah. Sometimes I went to the juvenile detention center where many of the group were either rape survivors or rapists. In most cases, the survivors felt guilty for being raped and the perpetrators felt their victims deserved to be raped or that being raped didn’t impact them. Both were false, of course.
Part of our work was to convince the victims that they were not responsible for being raped and that the abuse was the sole responsibility of the rapist. That was difficult since often their families, cultures, and religions shamed and blamed victims while ignoring their horrific suffering. The work with perpetrators was fascinating since most had never learned about consent, the concept that a person must voluntarily, willingly, and genuinely agree to participate in sexual activity. Some rapists assumed that folks wanted to be raped when they clearly did not. Other perpetrators didn’t know that a child was too young to give consent, that someone who was drunk or incapacitated was incapable of giving consent, and that “no” means “no.” It was gratifying to see a person’s eyes light up when they realized what consent truly was and how consent could be violated. It was also thrilling to see perpetrators finally accept responsibility for the harm they had done.
Utah doesn’t allow that concept to be taught in schools and few religions teach it, so many young people are misinformed regarding issues of rape and sexual abuse. For decades, Utah, which was in the past predominately LDS, has had one of the highest rate rapes in the United States. The LDS Church has taught for years that victims are partly responsible for being raped, and references to an apostle’s talk that states that lie are still found in Church manuals.1 In addition, Church attorneys are quick to defend LDS rapists and slow to help rape survivors. With the teachings that leaders are called by God and should be obeyed along with the practice of one-on-one interviews by leaders with children and youth, the Church has created a rape culture that shames the victims and too often protects the perpetrators.
To correct the problem, the Church needs to have parents present in all interviews with leaders or discontinue worthiness interviews entirely. No LDS child should feel it is okay to submit to sexual questioning by a Church leader behind closed doors. Since sexual abuse is a serious issue among LDS members, the fundamentals of consent should be taught in age-appropriate language for children, youth, and adults. The recent example of a Danish woman who was repeatedly raped by her husband and then instructed by her bishop to “lock her bedroom door” reveals how poorly LDS leaders are trained about the fundamentals of sexual abuse. Meanwhile, her husband continued to serve in major church callings, causing the government in Denmark to launch an investigation into the policies and practices of the Church.
Currently, the LDS Church has a hotline to protect leaders and the good name of the Church. It needs to implement a hotline where victims can call and report abuse. The horrific case in Arizona reveals how fervently the Church hides behind priest-penitent privilege while it refuses to require its leaders to report abuse to police and to protect victims from abuse. Floodlit.org keeps records of LDS leaders and members who are convicted of serious sexual crimes, yet since most crimes are unreported and few perpetrators are convicted, LDS members often do not recognize how pervasive and serious the problem of sexual abuse in the LDS Church truly is.
Since the LDS Church claims to be the only true Church, it should set the standard for protecting its members from sexual abuse and holding perpetrators accountable. Church leaders should be repeatedly trained on how to create a safe environment for children and youth, how to safeguard the vulnerable, and how to establish clear guidelines for interactions between adults and children. Leaders should require background checks for all who work with vulnerable groups, and the LDS Church should not hide behind priest-penitent privilege but should create a policy where leaders are required to report perpetrators to proper authorities and hold abusers accountable. In addition, the Church should stop shaming and blaming victims of abuse by punishing them with church discipline, ignoring their pleas for help, or minimizing the suffering that survivors of sexual abuse experience.
The inclusion of text and pictures in a recently published Church book for children that justifies child sexual abuse by older men as inspired by God amplifies a Church culture where men can rationalize abusive behavior by pretending that their actions are God-ordained. When Church leaders justify the plural “marriage” of foster daughters, 14-year-old girls, married women, and mother-daughter pairs to Church leaders, claiming it was ordained of God, they create a system where men can defraud others through sexual, financial, psychological, or ecclesiastical abuse and where the Church too often turns a blind eye to the abuse.
Although the LDS Church claims to be the “gold standard” for dealing with child abuse, it disregards the best practices for protecting its children and members. It is time for the Church to care more about its children as it does about protecting its good name. After all, Jesus said that anyone who “shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”2 He also warned the people to “not do what [the Pharisees or church leaders] do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they are not willing to lift a finger to move them.”3
The Church spends millions of dollars in attorney fees and sexual abuse settlements which could be better spent in protecting members from sexual abuse. Best practices for churches and organizations are clearly outlined
1 LDS Eternal Marriage Student Manual, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/abuse/healing-the-tragic-scars-of-abuse?lang=eng
2 Matthew 18:6 KJV
3 Matthew 23: 3-8 NIV
13 Responses
The biggest problem with abuse that the church faces is that abuse happens “to other individuals” and can be pawned off on the government, on the community, the healthcare system, and the education system to deal with. These are all “outsiders” who can be not trusted, and their findings and work marginalized when it’s convenient. I doubt that the Q15 is aware of a lot of statistics about how prevalent abuse is (1 in 4 women, 1 in 7 men, and we don’t know but we think it’s around 1 in 10 children).
And the individuals in these fields who are dealing with cleaning up/healing the abuse are “nurturers” and mostly women. And that not listening to women is made possible by the “coverture” culture where our men “preside over” and are theoretically held accountable for what they do and what the women and children do who are in their care. A lot of this hand-waved into “later perfection” without any regard to real-time consequences (unless a woman in relation to that man eventually gets heard through stubbornness – the movie “The Proposal” is a prime example). Our hierarchy itself feeds abusive men positions of power and authority through priesthood callings and assignments. sometimes too and then those stories hit the news after the fact.
I think the biggest problem is that our church organization sees abuse as a “garden-variety problem solved by immortality” that can be delayed and ignored rather then the real-world problem for all followers of Christ everywhere.
Part of the problem also is that LDS bishops lack training on abuse. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints allows and encourages bishops to counsel rapists and rape survivors when they lack the training to do so. Elder Richard Scott’s article about sexual abuse is still referenced in LDS manuals. He says, “The repair of damage inflicted by abuse should be done privately, confidentially, with a *trusted priesthood leader” and, where needed, the qualified professional he recommends.” Unless bishops are mental health professionals who are well-trained in sexual abuse, and very few are, they lack the skill and wisdom to help a victim recover from rape or help a rapist receive the therapeutic counseling that they need.
I’d never read that talk from Elder Scott in its entirety. It is horrifying. I’d heard the obviously bad part–that victims have a responsibility to stop the abuse and that they may need to take some responsibility for what happened to them–which is just so grotesquely wrong and unChristlike. But there’s so much else–IF the abuse is bad enough, maybe seek professional help. Or, your attitude is the most important thing in healing, so the unstated second half of that sentence is, if you’re not healing, it’s because you have a bad attitude. That is sickening.
This also made me think of an episode on the podcast “On Point,” which had a panel with Meg Conley, Jana Riess and Donna Kelly, who’s been a prosecutor in Utah for years. This is one of Kelly’s comments from the transcript: I have a rough estimate of cases that I’ve handled, and over the 32 years and probably about 3,000 victims that I’ve worked with. And it was not unusual to see bishops speak for perpetrators, to have them come into court or to have them write letters of support and so forth, try to seek the release of a defendant, for example, or try to influence the sentencing of the defendant. But in the 32 years that I have been a prosecutor, I have never once seen a victim be spoken for by their bishop or church leader. Not once. And many times, the victim will be asked to leave the ward because they’re being too disruptive. I’ve had teenage girls asked not to attend their own high school anymore because they’re causing too much of an uproar, you know, by reporting a sexual assault or a violent incident.”
Here’s the whole thing: https://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2023/01/31/the-mormon-women-standing-up-against-abuse-in-the-lds-church
Heidi, thank you for your important comment! The “On Point” podcast confirmed what I had observed for decades: Bishops and stake presidents often support the perpetrators and ignore the suffering of the survivors of sexual abuse. My close friend was groomed and then sexually assaulted by her branch president. She became pregnant and was excommunicated for two years while the perpetrator went free. Another close friend was assaulted by her bishop when she was home alone. Her husband, the bishop’s counselor, was out doing ward business at the time. When the couple reported the incident to the stake president, he blamed my friend (who was very ill at the time) and accused the couple of making up the incident. In patriarchal organizations, men usually protect men who are in power and ignore the suffering of women. The LDS Church is no exception.
This post is so important. It’s incredibly disgusting and sad it even needs to be written. I have often wondered why the church doesn’t use its money to flood the Earth with crisis centers and places of healing for survivors. It’s fascinating that you worked with both perpetrators and survivors. I have a question about the perpetrators. You mentioned most of them didn’t know what they did was wrong. Can you help me understand this? Even if a person doesn’t have specific education about consent, a rapist knows he is hurting his victim by her reactions. How is it these rapists don’t understand that sex is a mutually pleasurable experience where both people want it? I guess I’m just wondering where they get their ideas about sex from. And what do they think rape is? And how do they not stop what they’re doing when their victim is crying, screaming, frozen, etc.?
I don’t mean to derail the discussion, but I have never understood this. I firmly believe in sex education, but I also believe if someone is a normal person, they will respond with empathy and stop a behavior when they realize it is hurting someone. Rape is torturing a girl or woman. I also feel like men need to be educated about the lasting harm of rape. Men need to understand how women are affected by this in all ways and teach this to their sons. There is no excuse.
Mary, you raised an important issue. The rape victims I am referring to were either impaired by alcohol use or were engaging in sexual activity with an acquaintance. Because the victim did not say “no,” the rapist assumed she wanted to go “all the way.” when they were making out. And too often, the victims were dehumanized by the perpetrator. Dallin Oaks dehumanized women in his 2005 GC talk in which he said, “Young women, please understand that if you dress immodestly, you are magnifying this problem by becoming pornography to some of the men who see you..” Too often women are taught in churches or family systems that they are responsible for men’s behavior. This needs to stop!
I was raised as a girl in the church, and I completely grew up thinking and believing that NO woman (EVER!) enjoys sex, and, at best, tolerates it because men “need it.” I completely believed that marriage, sex, pregnancy, birth, motherhood, homemaking, etc. would all be FORCED upon me, with or without my consent! Who I was and what I wanted simply did not matter.. Yes, I have a LOT of anger about no one ever giving me any other impression while growing up, and is very likely one of the main reasons I experience gender dysphoria to the point that I opted out of womanhood altogether. (I don’t know that other views of womanhood would have made a difference for me in the end, as I also experience extreme distress with my physical body, but I think knowing I had other options and ways to be that were at least OK — if not ideal — would have alleviated a HUGE amount of stress, anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation for me).
Which is to say, If I thought and believed men had a right to use and abuse me as they wished, why would there be an expectation for the men to think and believe any differently?
Well said Mary.
Empathy is key to healthy relationships.
Unfortunately, lack of empathy and attendant patterns of cruelty are a reality we must guard against.
See,
https://www.enotalone.com/article/mental-health/what-disorder-causes-lack-of-empathy-r11215/
The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty by Simon Baron-Cohen, Basic Books, 2011
Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Robert D. Hare, The Guilford Press, 1999
A brilliant scholar of problems of patriarchy, bell hooks writes about the lack of empathy that is systemic in patriarchal cultures and institutions. She also — critically and importantly — made feminism make sense for men. Her 2004 book, The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love teaches how the patriarchy harms men. She writes that “to indoctrinate boys into the rules of patriarchy, we force them to feel pain and to deny their feelings.”
She also says, “Learning to wear a mask (that word already embedded in the term “masculinity”) is the first lesson in patriarchal masculinity that a boy learns. He learns that his core feelings cannot be expressed if they do not conform to the acceptable behaviors sexism defines as male. Asked to give up the true self in order to realize the patriarchal ideal, boys learn self-betrayal early and are rewarded for these acts of soul murder.”
High-demand patriarchal systems like the LDS Church create rape cultures where victims are routinely marginalized and sexual perpetrators are too often protected. Chelsea Goodich’s account of repeated sexual abuse by her bishop/father should be a wake-up call to all LDS members and leaders. After Chelsea reported the abuse to her bishop when she was older, because the LDS Church refused to allow the bishop to testify in civil court (even though he wanted to testify Chelsea’s behalf), the prosecutors dropped the charges. https://apnews.com/article/mormon-church-investigation-child-sex-abuse-9c301f750725c0f06344f948690caf16
Outstanding article! Thank you for posting this discussion about the serious problems of sexual abuse in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I see others churches that have every person working with children and youth complete a background check. It won’t solve the problem completely but would be a great start.
Amy, thanks for your thoughtful response. The LDS Church cannot claim to have a “gold standard” for protecting children from sexual abuse when many other churches routinely require background checks of anyone who works with vulnerable people in their churches, including leaders and teachers. In addition, few churches would ever allow a child or youth to sit alone with an adult leader and be interrogated about sexual matters. Our daughter was 12 years old when the bishop did that, and it was a very traumatic experience for her.
Thanks for the blog post, C Brown. I just finished reading Shari Franke’s book, The House of My Mother, which not only describes abuse she suffered by her LDS mother and vlogger, Ruby Franke, but also describes how she was sexually groomed and abused by an older LDS man, “Derek,” who held a leadership calling in the Mormon church.
“On her first night as a student at Brigham Young University, he sexually assaulted her for the first time, Shari says. This pattern continued during her time at BYU, with Derek saying he was ‘training’ her for marriage, she writes. He bought her gifts, co-signed on her apartment, and texted her frequently. When she eventually cut off contact from him and told her bishop what happened, her temple recommend was revoked for a month. Derek faced no punishment, she writes.