swear word thought bubble
Picture of April Young-Bennett
April Young-Bennett
April Young-Bennett is the author of the Ask a Suffragist book series and host of the Religious Feminism Podcast. Learn more about April at aprilyoungb.com.

Oh @#$%&! I’m all grown-up and still don’t know how to swear!

Growing up, my parents taught me to mind my language. My church leaders reinforced this message, praising children who scolded their friends for using naughty words and teens who called for bans on books with bad language or refused to participate in school plays with swear words in the script. A fictional villain may lie and cheat, but never talk with a potty mouth!

I understood that swearing was a lesser sin than, for example, murder, but it was still a great evil to be avoided, and avoid it I did. I was so scrupulous in my efforts to avoid seeing, hearing, or (heaven forbid!) speaking swear words, that I never really learned any. To this day, swearing is like a foreign language to me.

If my parents knew how to swear, they hid it pretty well. But I suspect they didn’t. I have only one vivid memory of my father swearing. In a fit of road rage, he crinkled his face like he was trying to hold something in, but after taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth and let it rip. What came out was the world’s mildest four-letter word and I don’t think he used it right. He sounded like he was trying to fight a lion with a soap bubble wand. I took it as a cautionary tale. Don’t swear unless you actually know how. Otherwise, you’ll sound pretty silly.

The first time anyone swore at me was when I was a high school student, working my first job at a local amusement park. An adult man pitched a fit when I told him he wasn’t allowed to bring his teddy bear on the Ferris wheel. He threw his drink in my face and called me a _______. That drink was an American-obesity-epidemic-sized “Large” and soaked me like baptism by immersion, but the physical assault didn’t affect me as much as that one obscene word, so unfamiliar to my ears, so startling to my tender sensibilities. I cried for hours.

I still don’t use swear words (usually). And when I do let one slip, I find myself fretting over whether I did it right, worrying that I sound as ridiculous as a Mormon dad with road rage. Not worth it.

Oh @#$%&! I'm all grown-up and still don't know how to swear!
Is that how you’re supposed to say that?

I don’t feel like I’m missing too much without swear words in my vocabulary. I’ve learned other words to express myself, and these are often more eloquent than overused four-letter words. Accidentally swearing in places or circumstances where it wouldn’t be appropriate isn’t a problem for me and I don’t risk offending people who grew up like me, sensitive to any swear word, no matter how benign. Not having a potty mouth is an overall advantage.

However, as an adult, I’ve also realized that while I may not choose to swear, I can’t avoid seeing and hearing bad words without also missing out on a great deal of good; including the art, literature and, most importantly, other human beings that use these words.

Learning to tolerate swear words also helps me inoculate myself against the teddy bear-wielding, drink-tossing, swearing bullies I will encounter throughout my life. I don’t want anyone to have the power to subdue me with the mere utterance of a single forbidden word.

Here are five more nuanced views of swearing I am teaching myself:

  1. There’s no commandment not to swear. Which words are taboo is about social norms, not God’s laws.
  2. People come from different upbringings, and what is taboo to you may not be to someone else. Live and let live.
  3. There are a lot worse words than swear words. Slurs, mudslinging, lies… The list goes on.
  4. There’s a big difference between someone saying, “You’re a _______” and “My coffee tastes like _______.” The first is offensive. The second: let it go.
  5. There is a time and place. Or to quote scripture, “To everything there is a season.” In some contexts, swearing make sense.

April Young-Bennett is the author of the Ask a Suffragist book series and host of the Religious Feminism Podcast. Learn more about April at aprilyoungb.com.

6 Responses

  1. I used to be a youth Sunday school teacher. I will never forget the day I told those teenagers, including the bishop’s kids, that if you’re going to swear, you need to do it right–save it for those opportunities when it has the most meaning. They were shocked, maybe horrified. But I hope, if I taught them nothing else, they all remembered that lesson and swear in moments where the swearing helps the situation. 🙂

  2. This is great. I’ve more recently picked up a habit of swearing. Gosh it feels good when it lands just right. My kids are fascinated with “bad words” so I am mindful not to use expletives around their young ears. And they hear enough at school, so I also encourage them to “let it go.”

  3. When my oldest was a new teenager I just sat him down and googled a complete list of swear words and went through them with him because I figured he might as well know what they mean and learn from a real source rather than school. We found some funny swears and I told him he could just use them instead (the one I remember was “son of a motherless goat!”). Now he’s approaching seventeen and I’m pretty sure he uses real swear words, but at least he knows how to use them correctly because I taught him! ????

  4. I wish you hadn’t brought this fatphobic idea of an “obesity epidemic” into this post that has nothing to do with that. I guarantee the “obese” people you know have a lot more factors than drinking size large sodas that contribute to their weight.

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