Many years ago I imagined that if I were ever to lose my testimony of the church, my life would dramatically change–for the worse. I thought that calamities would befall, sent as warning ‘lightning bolts’ from Heavenly Father. I suspected that my lifestyle would become hedonistic and indulgently sinful. In short, I pictured a change so dramatic that it would be obvious to everyone (Mormon and not), that I was ‘fallen.’
However, in the space of time since my testimony has wavered and waned, I haven’t noticed a dramatic difference at all. Despite some changes in time and focus (e.g. not attending marathon back-to-back temple sessions on Saturdays), my life hasn’t toppled into any cesspools. Rather, it’s continuing on much the same. I haven’t taken up any illicit hobbies, or broken any laws. I’ve continued on in my suburban-Mom-cum-PhD-student lifestyle. Generally, I don’t think there’s anything about my demeanor or my appearance that readily exposes a change in belief.
I wonder if I’m an exception to the typical path of non-belief. Or is it possible that many (if not most?) who lose belief continue on much the same afterwards?