Guest post by Mary Jane Smith, who is an actress and singer, retired theatre and music teacher. She is a mother of three and Grammy to nine. She lives with her husband in Orem, Utah after previously living in Connecticut for 30 years.

I’ve been a singer all my life, professionally for over 50 years. Singing in church was a several times a year event for me. No big deal. Until one day during the Christmas season, I was in the middle of a song, in front of the congregation and I just stopped. I couldn’t remember the lyrics and I just panicked.

This had never happened to me. I was so humiliated that I walked off the stand and went home, crying all the way. What was going on?

I cried at the drop of the hat every day, lashed out at my family and my students at school, and couldn’t sleep at all. I had been spotting for over a year, and my gynecologist didn’t say much about it a few months earlier. I finally had had it with the endless spotting and went to see my doctor again. He seemed surprised that I had been spotting for so long. Did he even listen before? Write it down?? He made me an appointment for a D&C and then asked me if there was anything else I needed. I said, “I’m just so sad all the time.” He seemed surprised, but talked to me about anti-depressants and said that they also help with hot flashes and night sweats, which I also was having. I knew that must be because of menopause, but just thought it was something that I had to endure.

The D&C cured me of the spotting and I never bled again—heavenly. The Prozac helped with the sadness, anxiety, and hot flashes. These things got me through the worst of the next couple of years, and then I was back to myself again. The thing that is frustrating, is that these symptoms and remedies should be so widely talked about that every woman would be aware of what to expect and where to go for help.

Having an experienced specialist talk to the women in the ward would be a wonderful and crucial Relief Society meeting. They might also address the libido lag and dry vagina issues that stopped my husband and I from having sex, much to his dismay. 

At any rate, pregnancy and menopause research is seriously lacking in our country and if the amount of money spent on erectile dysfunction could be applied to women’s health, we would be so much better able to deal with issues that are part of the life of a woman. If men had to deal with diastasis recti, there would be an easy solution, completely covered by insurance. Being a woman can be a spiritual gift, but the lack of care and funding for our physical struggles sets us back sometimes for years. 

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This post is part of the series Menopause and Me.