In the beginning, God created the world and declared it good. The only thing that was declared to be not good was Adam’s aloneness. To alleviate Adam’s solitary state, God created Eve, and from then on, society declared coupledom to be compulsory and singleness to be pitiable or deviant.
I think that view is a misreading of the story. It wasn’t Adam’s lack of a spouse that was a problem. It was his lack of connection with another human. As a society, we assume that anyone who lacks a partner must, as a matter of course, be deeply lonely. This assumption dials itself up to 11 for the month of February, when a secular celebration of romantic love permeates the culture. However, there are many ways of being in community and many other kinds of love.
There’s the love between parent and child. I have parents, and some day, God-willing, I will have a child even if I don’t get a husband. I love my parents and they love me. I will fiercely love my child when he or she arrives. Even though my parents and I live hundreds of miles apart, we are a part of each other’s lives. I have a sibling, and we likewise share love and are a part of each other’s lives.
There’s the love between friends – our chosen family. Last night, one of my friends texted me out of the blue and invited me over to make dinner. We made soup, played with the dog, and watched a movie, all while chatting and getting caught up. The social connection filled my soul. I meet friends for movie nights, trivia nights, hikes, and dinner. I’ve also sat with them in the emergency room and in court. We’ve helped each other through hard times and celebrated the good times. I never lack for companionship when they’re around.
There’s the love between ward members. We refer to our wards as a “ward family”, and at their best, that’s what they can be. I had surgery a few months ago, and I needed someone to give me a ride home because I couldn’t drive after the anesthesia. A ward member got up at 5 AM to take me, and she made dinner for me so I wouldn’t have to figure out how to feed myself for a few days. I’ve taken casseroles to families who are welcoming a new baby or saying goodbye to someone.
Even going beyond the close relationships, we can experience connection with acquaintances. When I was in school, I frequented a bagel shop near my work. The clerk got to know my regular order, and when I returned after being gone for a few weeks, she mentioned that she had missed me and was glad I was okay. I know about the important events in the lives of my colleagues.
I imagine it’s easier to experience social consistent social connection when you share space with someone who has promised to stand by your side forever. But the extra effort it takes to nurture relationships outside of romance is well worth it. God is love, so maintaining loving friendships is a way to draw nearer to God.
The celestial room of the temple is described as being a taste of heaven. In the celestial room, we are surrounded by many different people with whom we have a variety of types of relationships. We are not alone. As much as I would welcome a spouse, I have a full and happy life, with many loved ones. I am not alone, and it is good.
One Response
I just finished reading “A Woman’s Worth” by Marianne Williamson. My favorite quote from the book fits perfectly with your post:
“The role of friend, then, is a priestly function…In the priestly role, we hold a space within us for the splendor of life and the splendor of people. And then, when we are present, the people around us can see more clearly what is possible for them and what is possible for all of us.”