This week, during a presidential inaugural sermon, Anglican Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde admonished Donald Trump and J.D. Vance concerning their responsibility before God to show mercy toward the most vulnerable people living in the United States, including queer children, undocumented immigrants, asylum seekers, and the children of parents who face possible deportation. I admire her and this bold powerful act of courage and advocacy. Her message is powerful and important.
It was a striking instance of these men having to sit and respectfully listen to uncomfortable words that confronted and challenged them. I doubt Vance or Trump are in the habit of learning from female faith leaders. I perceived discomfort on their faces, including embarrassment at having some of their intentions publicly advised against and spiritually scrutinized during inaugural festivities.
Bishop Budde’s boldness surprised many. Her actions remind me of “wilderness” prophets who pop out of nowhere to share inspired words despite personal risks. She is like Abinadi before King Noah, Samuel on the wall of Zarahemla, or Jeremiah or Isaiah warning corrupt kings and kingdoms of their times.
She also reminds me of inspired Mormon feminist writers, advocates and activists who have persisted in calling for greater love, openness, and wisdom to be enacted in the Church one decade after another.
Wilderness prophets are usually not welcomed with humility or grace. Trump is complaining and asking for an apology from Budde. King Noah put Abinadi in prison because he couldn’t tolerate someone preaching against him in the streets; his priests started up a conversation only because they wanted to prove him wrong and poke fun at him. Samuel’s audience tried to kill him with stones and arrows, and he went home without having been listened to. Jesus taught that prophets tend to not be accepted among their own people.
So it is for bold Latter-day Saint women who speak up. Recently, Latter-day Saint matriarch and arguably the best living Latter-day Saint writer, Carol Lynn Pearson, mentioned her low expectations for leaders to respond to her efforts to exchange with them:
“Soon after the publication of The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy (pub. 2016), I sent a copy of the book to each member of the church’s governing First Presidency, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and other top leaders. I signed the books to each by name, “with appreciation and with the hope that you will lead us into a truly post-polygamy future.” I knew I would not hear back from any of them” (emphasis mine). Nine years later, they still haven’t reached out. She points out LDS leaders’ recent actions make it clear they still haven’t taken the time to consider her work or to internalize the many striking accounts from members shared throughout her book.
How much is the Church’s administration like King Noah and his priests when it comes to receiving wilderness prophets with grace, open-mindedness, and reciprocity? At what cost is it intolerant of criticism, closed-minded to feedback, and overly confident of being right about things? To what extent is the Church bleeding, burning and gasping for air due its failures to listen to prophetic women and other marginalized prophetic members?
Stories like the one Linda recently shared about Elder Bednar make me wonder if some top leaders are prone to foolishly and arrogantly attempt to replicate Jesus’s moments of righteous indignation. Church leaders, please get over yourselves. You’re not Jesus, not even close, and you’re not more special or righteous or chosen by God than lay members, women, queer individuals, or children. You shouldn’t try to take up Jesus’s kind of strength or confidence. Human church administrators like you would do better to wash the feet of homeless people in the street. This would inspire us all more and do more good in the world.
I have friends who were part of Ordain Women years ago who felt irreversibly pushed out of the Church at the moment they realized top leaders were completely closed to the idea of making room for their voices to be heard. Thinking of their moments of rejection and crushing disappointment breaks my heart.
Our general leaders directly discourage members from giving them any feedback at all, as found in the following item in the Church handbook:
(Item) 38.8.25: Church members are discouraged from calling, emailing, or writing letters to General Authorities about doctrinal questions, personal challenges, or requests.
I’ve known about this policy for a long time. But a few years ago, so much pain and frustration had built up in me about expectations and policies at church that I felt compelled to write an anonymous letter. I talked about my desire for queer children to be fully embraced as they are at church. About how I can foresee that healthy young people in rising generations will not be able to view Mormon plural marriage as having ever been divinely sanctioned. And other things like my refusal to spend my one open morning in the week cleaning the church building.
The letter was so long I had to put it in a big envelope and take it to the post office. I put no return address. The postal worker noticed this and frowned at me. I told them it was activism against an organization that I could not trust with my name or address because they might punish me unfairly. To think this group I was speaking against was the church family that had raised me and that I put so much trust and energy into throughout my life seemed completely absurd and profoundly disappointing. Sending this letter was sort of like writing to a powerful and dangerous grandfather who I have to deal with but who avoids his own relational issues and emotional intimacy at all costs. The Church’s unhealthy top-down, nonreciprocal impulses seem to stem from unaddressed traumas including the coerciveness and moral dissonance of polygamy, Joseph’s Smith’s violent early death, our sudden, unwanted move to the desert, and repressed insecurity about our frameworks of belief, religious legitimacy, and place in society.
It seemed to me my letter might as well have been dropped into a bottomless pit. I doubt it was even opened at the church office building. How many other women have written such letters out of a desperate need to share their voices? Sending it was not gratifying because I had no reason to hope anyone would read it or care.
The handbook urges members to bring personal concerns to local leaders such as bishops and stake presidents. But local leaders are not empowered to do anything, and are often no better at listening. I once tried to talk with a bishop about how patriarchy and homophobic approaches make it hard for Gen Z and Gen Alpha to resonate with the faith tradition. He interrupted me mid-sentence, saying this kind of thing is above his “pay grade” and nothing he can do anything about. I made a request to another leader that he stop referring to missions as a commandment for boys because it was hurting my child. He didn’t even acknowledge I had said anything and wasn’t interested in conversation.
Things shouldn’t be this way. Noah should have heeded Abinadi’s warnings. Instead, due to his choices to treat others harshly, all Abinadi’s prophecies came true: Noah lost his power and his own priests burned him at the stake. Trump and Vance should be responsive to Bishop Budde’s call for mercy, but only time will tell what actions they will take. Latter-day Saint women should be heard, heeded, and empowered in their own church rather than ignored, disciplined, or pushed into a powerless role. Will the Church change course and start listening to women’s wisdom and warnings, or will it continue in its oppressive, self-confident, avoidant habits?
Bishop Budde probably knew Trump would resist and resent her words, but she shared them anyway with grace and power. Her actions strengthened many people this week. She role modeled moral and spiritual maturity, compassionate advocacy for those in need, respectful bridge building, faith and hope. We Latter-day Saint feminists, allies, and advocates can take inspiration from Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde and raise voices of wisdom and warning boldly as we feel inspired. We may not influence the views or policies of any leader, but we WILL help members and future generations to learn, grow, heal and transform in unprecedented ways. Our voices will spread love and relief to those who are most marginalized at church. And we will change the Church through the ways we teach, impact and show love and understanding to its members. How do we do this? We can start with writing, posting, and speaking online, supporting people with open-mindedness, nuance and compassion in our in-person circles, and whatever ways we feel inspired to speak out and be different and more loving than policies and rhetoric at Church.
Imagine that you had an opportunity like Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde. A few minutes when top Latter-day Saint leaders were obliged to listen to your solemn, authoritative words about what needs to happen in their upcoming years of leadership. What would you say? What would you admonish them to do or warn them about?
Note: the feature photo for this post is from Bishop Budde’s leadership profile on Washington National Cathedral’s website.
18 Responses
The bishop spoke sincerely and respectfully about inclusivity and was then labeled a, “radical” and “hater.” Trump’s response afterwards was to criticize her as a human.
It’s sad.
I agree. A plea for mercy for the innocent and vulnerable is hardly radical or hateful. It’s humble. The POTUS leads the greatest war machine on earth. If this person can’t tolerate pleas that lives may be spared and vulnerable people kept safe, that’s a problem. He needs to take full responsibility for the weight of that immense stewardship, which includes listening to others moral input, grievances, pleas, and pain with dignity and understanding.
It’s beyond sad. For a man supposed to be ‘chosen’ by God, he’s acting the very opposite way.
What also saddens me is the feeling that our church leaders would never do what she had the courage to do. To look evil in it’s face and call it out. I know so many members who voted for him and continue to say he’s the better choice. Heaven forbid a woman is in the WH.
It reminds me of Prophetess Deborah who God used to speak out against evil because there was no male worthy enough. Where is our Deborah? As long as the patriarchy continues to thrive, sadly, I doubt it will happen.
This also saddens me, Kim. I wish they would take a moral stand on moral issues that affect members of the church including discrimination against queer children, and cruelty to immigrants. I loved this message to the leadership that Cheryl Savage wrote on IG: “If I had a few minutes with them I would remind them that prophets throughout history gave their lives for the truth. They were stoned and hung and mocked and burned. And we make a covenant to do this very thing — but I don’t see it happening from them. Only general (non-leadership) members of the church seem to be doing this — risking their reputations, jobs, and lives for the words of Jesus. I would remind them that in their absolute silence against what is happening politically in our country and around the world, they are choosing money and safety over the truth. They are prophets, are they not? Then please act like it and boldly proclaim righteousness in the face of such evil atrocities happening all over the world. Don’t eggshell-step around being explicitly honest about what’s at stake. Fight against it with boldness and leave no room for misinterpretation. Because saying things like “we need unity” and “pray and go to the temple” has not stopped a vast number of Mormons from siding with fascism. Use the money you have, use the resources you have, use the authority you have, and get out there and be prophets, the risks be damned. We revere Abinadi and Peter and Paul and Mormon and they all died for the truth. Be willing to actually die. Because people everywhere are dying and many more will.”
I think God does send prophetic women/ Deborahs, including people like Carol Lynn Pearson, the September 6, many eloquent queer members and their allies, and women who study and teach about global Mormon women’s needs such as Melissa Inouye and Caroline Kline. But the men in power are really unreceptive to listening to them and sometimes even punish them.
So true!
If you’ve completely lost faith in the LDS Church, why do you continue to attach yourself to it? It’s puzzling to see someone criticize an organization so harshly while still identifying with it. You’ve chosen to be part of a community that you claim to reject; it’s time to face the reality of that contradiction. Your attempts to change something so fundamentally entrenched will accomplish nothing.
You’re not going to become a leader in a system that’s already made its position clear. Instead of wasting your breath on futile complaints, why not seek out a community that aligns with your beliefs? It’s disingenuous to remain and lash out at an institution you claim to have abandoned.
Continuing to engage in this endless cycle of criticism only serves to undermine your own credibility. If you truly believe in what you advocate, then it’s time to stop the self-inflicted turmoil. Take the initiative to move on and find a path that reflects your values—if you can’t do that, then you’re merely perpetuating your own dissatisfaction. Enough with the empty rhetoric; it’s time to make a choice and act with integrity.
Melanie, you are engaging in simplistic black and white thinking. Moreover, you are violating our comment policy, which bans questioning people’s faithfulness and telling people to “just leave.” This is your first warning.
Thanks for your support here, Caroline!
When we engage in nuanced, inter-belief Mormon communities of support, this isn’t a space to give unsolicited advice or to tell other adults what to do/try to change other people. We are to come to these spaces to learn things ourselves, share our thoughts and stories, and to seek change ourselves, never to change others or to shame them: https://exponentii.org/blog/a-call-for-ethical-boundaries-in-interbelief-mormon-communities/
Melanie, the worth of souls is great. I’m baffled by urging people to leave the Church, when we believe this organization offers the path to exaltation. When I think of how desperately I va prayed as a missionary, how hard I worked to get anyone to come, or how much parents work and pray to teach the gospel to their children it truly makes no sense to me why members would be eager to kick someone out the door like trash. People who are upset deserve compassion and being heard, not a boot out the door.
Wow on the above comment. That is one huge reason why people don’t comment or stay silent. If this author’s post makes you uncomfortable, then you can go to other sites. The whole, ‘if-you-don’t-believe-then-leave comment is what some use to make some members feel guilty. Our church was founded on someone who questioned. It’s okay to question, especially if you see or feel something isn’t right. That’s true integrity.
Thanks, Kim! I find it amusing to realize that when someone tells another to leave the church, the natural psychological response is, “heck no, why would I do what you say when you’re bossing me around?!? because we have an impulse to protect and assert our agency. The real intention seems to be to just ostracize and shame that person for their lack of submission to authority or something, not to give sincere, caring advice to help them. I find meaning in making church uncomfortable. I do believe LDS faith is a legit basis for channeling God’s influence and spirit, a connection to our ancestors, a meaningful and purposeful life. Questioning and differentiation have been necessary for me to keep growing and to stay interested in religion. It’s clear to me that God actually desires for me to believe differently about certain things and also speak out about them.
Candice, thank you for this post. You make so many great points, but I will comment on two.
First, as you write, it is troubling that there’s virtually no way to give feedback to the leaders who have the power to make decisions. This establishes a unidirectional line of communication where leaders do the talking and instructing and everyone else does the listening and obeying. How much more enriched our tradition would be if it provided ways for members to give feedback and offer their wisdom and inspiration to top leaders. As I write this I also mourn the truncated communication channels our relief society org has. RS top leaders are cut off from the people they are supposed to be leading, with no means to give inspiration, advice, or vision to stake and ward RS presidents. They don’t even have a newsletter. And of course, membership has no way of getting in touch with them either. What a tragedy that we don’t even let our women leaders lead, let alone interact and receive feedback.
Secondly, I love your point about how we need to raise our voices by writing, talking, etc. What this does is it creates an alternative Mormon discourse. Future generations will look back into the past and look for different sources of moral authority and wisdom within the tradition. As we feminists write, we create a discourse that may help keep the church a living, breathing, robust tradition, grappling with ideas and principles and reaching for it’s best self, rather than an ossified shell saying the same old (excluvist, sexist, homophobic) thing and driving new generations out of the church.
Bishop Mariann Budde is an inspiration. May we all follow her example of true integrity and Christian generosity.
These points about the broken and disempowering structure in RS are so important. This needs to change. “What a tragedy that we don’t even let our women leaders lead, let alone interact and receive feedback..” Wow. Attending RS events, you can sense how they aren’t empowered to have influence or support the women of the church. And this seems to me to be the main reason why these spaces are proving suffocating to many women.
I love these points about creating a discourse and how that helps people, that is exactly what I’m getting at. I think one of the greatest benefits blessings of the internet is the fact much of what we’re creating is readily preserved and available for others to benefit from. I hope that thanks to online dialogue and discussion that Mormon feminism is snowballing into something bigger than it has ever been before. I know there has been discussion about different generations of feminist fading away from memory and influence in the past. I doubt that will happen in the same way moving forward. We are building a greater presence in the world and the body of the church.
I agree with you, I want all lay members to have empowering ways to give input back to the Church that makes a difference. I want members to make the big decisions with the leaders about institutional level things that matter like how we spend our money, how we adapt and change our policies.
Thanks for your support for this post!
Thank you. THE BISHOP is learned, wise, fearless. She knows truth and justice! The president has thousands and thousands of lies from his first round with the office. Expect even more now. He is selfish and blind to truths. Knows nothing about SEEK THE TRUTH, CIME WHENCE IT MAY, COAST WHAT IT WILL..
Thank you. THE BISHOP is learned, wise, fearless. She knows truth and justice! The president has thousands and thousands of lies from his first round with the office. Expect even more now. He is selfish and blind to truths. Knows nothing about SEEK THE TRUTH, CIME WHENCE IT MAY, COAST WHAT IT WILL..
Watching Bishop Budde speak (the only part of the inauguration that I have viewed) reminded me of the power of quietly and consistently standing up for what you believe.
She was not loud or combative or antagonistic or rude. She used her soft voice. But there is no doubting the iron and steel bedrock of belief behind her words.
In my (longsuffering) ward, I’ve found that same quiet power in simply stating what I believe. I don’t need to cry or yell. It just needs to be said, over and over again: Our church is not welcoming to LGBTQ folks. Our church is a hard place for women and for people of color and for people who sit in the margins.
Sometimes people don’t want to hear that, but it doesn’t stop being factually provable over and over and over again.
Here’s to simple, quiet, consistent, powerful words!
Thanks to all who contributed to the discussion here.