This feels small, but it had a significant impact on me. We were engaged, and I was scheduled for my stake president interview for my first temple recommend. I was excited and bubbling with enthusiasm. For some reason, my fiancé was in this interview with me. The stake president started out by asking what I knew about the endowment. I acknowledged I didn’t know much and excitedly began to ask him questions. He immediately cut me off. He was very stern and reprimanded me. He informed me that he was the one asking the questions, not me. I never spoke again the entire hour except to answer the temple recommend questions, and he directed most of the discussion to my fiancé.
– Anonymous
When I brought my concerns about the temple to my bishop, he spent an hour and a half lecturing me about not talking about the temple outside the temple. I was crushed. I went in for healing or at least compassion.
In that meeting, the bishop said his wife originally wanted to keep her name when they married. It was really, really important to her. She didn’t keep her name and now barely remembers that experience (according to him). He said to give it a few years and the temple won’t bother me anymore.
Way to invalidate your wife and me at the same time.
– Tessa
Pro Tip: When women come to you with concerns, listen. Believe them. Treat them as equals.
Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.
“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)
4 Responses
Spoiler alert, bishop. The temple still still bothers me.
A number of years ago I tried to talk to my bishop about my issues with the temple. He shut me down by puffing out his chest and saying the temple wasn’t ever going to change, so I’d better make adjustments to my self to get used to it. I replied that the temple had changed in the past, but he didn’t hear me/didn’t listen. He’s no longer the Bishop, but still in my ward. I am going to be the bigger person and not rub it in his nose that he couldn’t have been more wrong.
These are awful experiences. I wonder if your leaders were concerned about being unable to answer your questions, since so much around LDS temple worship involves so much hand-waving, and they turned this perception of threat into anger that they turned on you. Whatever the cause, I’m sorry they treated you so badly.
I have spoken with various leaders and friends about my negative feelings towards the temple. None were able to offer any real clarification but most were sympathetic. I did have one particularly frustrating meeting with a SP in which he continually invalidated and patronized me with comments like “I’ve never noticed any of these things before… it doesn’t bother my wife so why does it bother you? Men and women are different but equal!”