Guest post by Stephanie Sam Hirtle
Stephanie is a stay-at-home-mom of four children and writing is her outlet for creativity, spiritual growth, and processing trauma. She graduated from BYU in American Studies and Business Management.
This talk was originally delivered in Sacrament Meeting on Christmas Eve in December 2023 at the author’s home ward in Medford, Oregon.
Her uplifting message was met with a baffling response: a cruel letter in her mailbox from an anonymous ward member.
We anticipate that her voice will find a more receptive audience here at Exponent II!
One of our beloved hymns, Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd, rings the chorus:
Out in the desert they wander, hungry and helpless and cold; off to the rescue he hastens, bringing them back to the fold.
Who is that who is wandering, hungry, helpless and cold? It is his lambs. And we are the lambs. We are who wander. We are who hunger. We are who are helpless. And we are who are cold.
Who is He that hastens? It is the dear heart of the good Shepherd or Christ, our Savior and Healer, who rescues us, feeds us, helps us, and warms us.
I have wandered. As a teenager, I made some choices that alienated me from feeling the spirit. And as an adult, I took a detour in my journey in faith, questioning doctrinal truths I believed in my whole life. Both left me to wander. But Christ was there to rescue me—as He does with all his lambs. Not only is he a good shepherd but he is the Good Shepherd—meaning he will unhesitatingly leave the 99 to rescue the one. He will never abandon his lambs like a mere hireling who was employed to temporarily take care of the sheep.
He rescued me by guiding me to serve a mission, which spiritually saved me at that stage of my life. And he later led me through a faith transformation that matured my spirituality to come to know a God that my former immature spirit could never have recognized. And because of that faith transformation, I have been able to help others find a way to stay in the flock—even when that open gate seems like the only way out because they have felt marginalized and even alone.
I have hungered. He has led me to great spiritual teachers like my high school seminary teacher who miraculously made early morning seminary enjoyable and my BYU professor of Book of Mormon who taught me to truly delve into the scriptures like never before. He blessed me with a great love of learning the scriptures as a missionary which quickly became the favorite part of my day. I have come to love teaching gospel doctrine or speaking in church. Writing has become a way for me to discover insights about the gospel and share those with others. Reading books and listening to podcasts, in addition to studying the scriptures, have become a great source of joy and a lifeline for me to continually expand my gospel knowledge. My good shepherd continuously finds ways to feed me.
He has been there to help me when I felt completely helpless. One trial that has plagued me many years has left me not only feeling helpless but hopeless. Have you ever been in a cave when there is no light? It can be so dark that you can’t even see your hand. The darkness can be suffocating. But then someone turns on a flashlight. It could be a very small, insignificant source of light. But it penetrates that darkness like a million stars in the sky. When I find myself in that all encompassing darkness, I look for that tiny light—and it’s usually only found as I feel the hook of the good shepherd’s crook cradling me in. No matter how dark my life is, his light can be found. Even when my eyes are closed to it. The hook cradles me in and opens my eyes to the light. When we are in our darkest times, feel for that hook cradling you in. He will open your eyes to the light—even just be it a bare glimmer.
When I arrived in Scotland in October 1993 as a brand-new missionary, I was so cold. It didn’t seem to matter how many layers I wore, I was always cold. To this day, I can’t stand to be cold. It reminds me too much of how cold I was at times—especially in some of the less insulated flats we lived in. The best was when we were invited into someone’s home—I think honestly some people just felt sorry for us. We would sit in front of the fireplace and experience external warmth but also internal warmth as we shared the fire of the spirit of our testimonies. His light and truth warmed me and those I taught.
As a little girl, I experienced emotional coldness. I didn’t know how to find warmth then. But then later as an adult, my therapist took me through a powerful exercise. She asked me to remember those times of coldness and imagine myself now as an adult, going back to comfort that cold little girl. What would I say to that little girl that experienced cruelty? How could I warm her? It was a powerful, healing experience that years later at last brought warmth.
Our Savior is our healer. He brings us warmth when we are cold. Just like the shepherd protects his lambs from the elements that can freeze them, our shepherd protects us. He can soften our frozen hearts. He can warm our aching souls. He can calm the chill of worry and anxiety that shudder us.
Elder Gerrit W. Gong stated:
Our Good Shepherd rejoices when we exercise individual moral agency with intention and faith. Those in His fold look to our Savior in gratitude for His atoning sacrifice. We covenant to follow Him, not passively, blindly, or “sheepishly,” but instead desiring with all our hearts and minds to love God and our neighbor, bearing one another’s burdens and rejoicing in one another’s joys.
He continued:
A dear friend shared with me how she gained her precious testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. She grew up believing sin always brought great punishment, borne by us alone. She pleaded to God to understand the possibility of divine forgiveness. She prayed to understand and know how Jesus Christ can forgive those who repent, how mercy can satisfy justice.
One day her prayer was answered in a spiritually transforming experience. A desperate young man came running out of a grocery store carrying two bags of stolen food. He ran into a busy street, chased by the store manager, who caught him and began yelling and fighting. Instead of feeling judgment for the frightened young man as a thief, my friend was unexpectedly filled with great compassion for him. Without fear or concern for her own safety, she walked straight up to the two quarreling men. She found herself saying, “I will pay for the food. Please let him go. Please let me pay for the food.”
Prompted by the Holy Ghost and filled with a love she had never felt before, my friend said, “All I wanted to do was to help and save the young man.” My friend said she began to understand Jesus Christ and His Atonement—how and why with pure and perfect love Jesus Christ would willingly sacrifice to be her Savior and Redeemer, and why she wanted Him to be.
In verse 2 of Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd, we sing:
See, the Good Shepherd is seeking,
Seeking the lambs that are lost,
Bringing them in with rejoicing,
Saved at such infinite cost.
I testify that Christ feeds us, warms us, helps us and ultimately rescues us. May we feel the love of the His shepherd crook that draws us unto Him and show that same love as we draw others unto us. He is the good shepherd with the dear shepherd heart and we can all be like Him by shepherding those within our own flocks. We should never want for hunger, warmth, help or saving. And neither should anyone else. That is what His Atonement is all about and is the Christmas the Good Shepherd yearns for all of us. Merry Christmas.
51 Responses
You have a beautiful talk! I am so sorry you received such a horrible letter. It would crush me too, although it’s also completely baffling. Thank you for sending this in as a guest post! ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you – so kind of you to say!
It hurts my heart that anyone would say this to you. Always remember your beautiful testimony is as worthy to be shared as anyone else’s, and so are you.
Thank you ❤️❤️
I so appreciate your talk and I so appreciate the experiences that you shared. I appreciate that you bracketed them with the words of a sacred hymn, and the words of an apostle. I appreciate the insights you delivered. I don’t understand the hateful, hurtful, senseless letter that you received, or why somebody felt the need to send it; I do know that the sting from words like that can last a long time. Please try not to take them to heart – they’re from an unhappy, miserable person who just wants to make you unhappy and miserable as well. I’ve never met you, but I know from your words that you’re better than that.
Thank you for your words of kindness and wisdom.
This talk is incredible, and your ward is so lucky to have you! The cruelty in that letter is disgusting and unfathomable – your talk, far from being self-centered, was more focused on the Savior than many talks I’ve heard over the pulpit.
So sweet – thank you!
I am baffled as to why anyone would react to your talk like that. It was beautiful, and I wish we had more talks like it that focus on the Savior’s love for us. You keep doing you.
Thank you ❤️❤️
I’m sorry that you received such a cruel response! Thank you for sharing your beautiful talk.
Thank you so much ❤️
Beautiful talk! Perfect for Christmas Eve.
Whoever wrote that note must have some serious issues going on in their life that have nothing to do with you. It was totally inappropriate and non-applicable to your talk. And I can’t imagine a note like that ever being appropriate for anyone, honestly. I’d be so sad if I got a note like that, but I really don’t think this is about you at all. Your talk is beautiful. That note is vile.
I am so touched – thank you ❤️
That letter was bullying, condescending, and cruel. I’m so so sorry you went through that, Stephanie!! It’s interesting (and completely frustrating) to note that a letter like that would not typically be sent to a man. It seems that some people, especially in patriarchal churches, feel entitled to give adult women unsolicited advice and direction…and in this case, harshly telling you what to do and trying to “put you in your place”. Thank you for your beautiful, heartfelt, well-studied talk. It was so Christ-centered and sincere and full of love and the Spirit. It was nourishing, uplifting, and comforting. You are full of light. Thank you for sharing your light with your ward and with us here. Sending so much love! (PS Speakers generally sit on the stand for the duration of the meeting and doing so isn’t claiming or usurping leadership.)
The fact that Stephanie was chosen to be the speaker on Christmas Eve and not this whiny, bullying, condescending, abusive, jealous LOSER wannabe speaker who was denied his chance to speak, says it all right there! She truly — yet humbly — showed who the chosen speaker was that Christmas Eve day. Well done, friend!
Thank you!!
Thank you!
This is an absolutely beautiful talk. Just read it I felt the spirit. Thank you for Sharing.
Thank you so much!
I love your talk it is tender and beautiful and love what your therapist shared about you seeking self compassion, going on your mind to your younger self. Clearly whoever sent that letter has severe mental issues, so sad for the pain they sent. Your talk is amazing! I am going to study this. Thanks for your tender sharing.
Thank you! That means so much!
Wonderful talk. Sorry you have an absolute jerk in your ward.
Thanks!
What a beautiful talk. You testified of the love of Christ, and in your talk you did something else which I think has tremendous value: you pointed out to listeners ways in which they can see Christ’s love and light in their own lives.
I am sorry that someone in your ward responded in such a cruel manner. Clearly, their response had everything to do with them and their issues and nothing to do with the content of your talk or with your behavior. I hope you will be able to move past their attempt to hurt and control you. It’s a shame you didn’t hear from all the people whose hearts were touched by your talk that day, because I am sure there were many.
Thank you for your lovely words
Tomorrow is Fast and Testimony meeting.
Read it from the pulpit. Every word.
Perfect chance to address this with the congregation at large, and discuss how cowardly these kinds of messages are. Also how hurtful, mean spirited and unChristlike. A way to let them know you won’t stand idly by and let others attempt to tear you down. You’ve been called worse by better.
I did address it at fast and testimony meeting. I tried to do it in a Christlike way while acknowledging the hurt. I got a lot of love and support. Thank you for being part of that!
Lovely talk; thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry someone sent you that cruel and cowardly message.
Thank you!
Stephanie, your beautiful and delightful spirit belongs in a congregation of Christians who adore and worship the Savior Jesus of Nazareth, who is everlasting to everlasting without beginning or end. Jesus is enough, and he has redeemed you with his precious saving blood. Through faith in his saving blood you can know that Jesus has accepted you as you are, now. He has given you a free passport to heaven through his infinite love. You are good enough in Jesus eyes, but you will never be good enough in the eyes of the Mormon people. May you find Jesus and his glorious peaceful love.
Rusty Nowlin
This is so beautiful! Thank you!
They didn’t have the courage to sign it? Read it during Fast Meeting tomorrow and point congregants to this Expo2 article.
Thank you for giving me the courage to do so!
I am ABSOLUTELY STUNNED—BEYOND BELIEF—that you received such an horrifically abusive letter. There is never any excuse for such. That excuse for a man must have had his manpon in way too tight. This person’s fitness to hold either the priesthood or even membership in the Lord’s Church needs to, and in fact, MUST be called into question!!
The fact that this little coward made the ‘church leaders’ remark tells me they know nothing about Primary, Young Women’s, and Relief Society presidents are church leaders too! So he can take that, stick it in his drum and bang it!! PLUS, all speakers sit on the stand for the duration of sacrament meeting!
What this sad soul has done is commit the act of unquestionably serious abuse of another adult, which is specifically covered in the Handbook as one of the mandatory grounds for convening a membership council…and this cowardly little slick lacked the moral or ethical courage to attach his name to it.
This is reminiscent of an occasion where I reached out to my daughter’s bishop a few years ago, seeking to reconnect, as she has had issues with both myself and even more so, her mother. Those are for another time, as I pray for her peace.
Anyway…back to my daughter’s bishop at the time…he went on a rant…against me…a man he had never once met, slamming me left and right, saying this and that, knowing what he was saying were damnable and contemptible lies, and I stopped him cold, when I said to him, “Congratulations, calling him by his first name…you just lost your command.” He demanded to be addressed by Bishop, and I told him he forfeited that right because of his inexcusable actions.
Anyone who has either had, or worked with a good bishop, as I have had the blessing of doing (clerk to eight, executive secretary to two more…what can I say, they were short of warm bodies…), knows that when someone takes a problem to who I call ‘Bishop Daddy’, that there is his opinion, there is her opinion, and the truth almost always lies somewhere in between.
I even remember teaching my youngest when he was 16 after his mom and I had long split, that when his mom said one thing, and I said another, and what was said there were different, was it not fair for him to look for the things in common from the two of us and figure out those that were both true, and the other matters were opinion for him to either use or toss out as he saw fit?
He immediately saw the wisdom in that, and it was not a win or lose situation. It was simply a case of teaching good principles, and letting good people govern themselves, as the prophet Joseph himself taught.
In the case of my daughter’s then-bishop, it may have been well for me to have him grab a napkin to wipe the foam off his mouth, because his rabies was showing, after which I told him I would never be able to obtain an honest answer from him, because his mind was already made up…like the proverbial Baptist preacher my friends told me about on their missions in the Deep South. This guy was no different, which was all I needed to end the call, and immediately called the stake president on HIS cell.
I was so blessed to have reached a very gracious man on the other end of that call. He asked me what happened, about JackApe calling me a loser because I had never been a leader who presided over anything in the Church, never thinking once that all the great decisions—both in life, and especially in the Gospel of Jesus Christ—are made in part because of reliable support people who support, guide, and counsel those in charge, be it a CEO, a president, or a bishop.
Certainly, I was not about to cast my pearls before swine the likes of HIM (my daughter’s bishop), as I had served in the Elders Quorum Presidency, as well as in the High Priests Group Leadership within my ward. Clearly, this man had not just gone overboard, but had fallen from the abuse tree, hitting every branch on the way down, not once, but TWICE…and to think this spiritual imbecile wanted me to be his pinata. I don’t think so!
This kindly stake president asked me if I thought he should be released on-the-spot, and my answer earned me some respect from him, as I suggested that since he had not yet reached his four-year-mark, that the best course of action would best be to cut him loose with an ‘honorable release’ soon after four years had passed.
My rationale—which he had sought—was that I already had his sustaining date in my notes; I also know that in any ward, there are bottom feeders, lowlifes, and blabbermouths who keep an even better eye on the calendar than most elected officials. My ward has them, just as does any other ward in our church or any other.
Plus, if he got released one day short of five years, the bottom feeders might not only go after him (which is one thing), but they might go after his wife and kids too, such as not recommending them for callings, etc., and they should not be made to pay for the head of household being an abusive jerk.
He then asked me where to put him, as I advocated for his protection post-release, as well as that of his family, because any time after the four-year mark is good, especially in a ward that’s a high-maintenance one, of which in any given stake they’ll have one or two.
I suggested Gospel Doctrine Teacher, because it (1), still gave him a regular audience; (2), removed his access from the information of other members except himself from Member Tools as Gospel Doctrine teaching does not give you access to sensitive information, and (3), still allows for this guy to meaningfully contribute, while keeping the self-appointed moral busybodies at bay.
That stake president took my counsel to heart in this case; as a few months past his 4-year mark, he was released, and another man was afforded the privilege to serve.
While this story I experienced helped me some, I strongly encourage you in every way to make a copy of this letter, by scanning it, and reporting this to your bishop and stake president ASAP (preferably in a sit-down meeting), in order that abusers such as this one, be identified, publicly exposed, be brought to account, and disciplined to the extent warranted by the circumstances.
Because I have been the victim of extensive, pervasive, ecclesiastical abuse by corrupt religionists who dared to masquerade as a bishop and a stake president who lacked the stones to rein in the corrupt bishop, you and your family are — and will remain — in my prayers.
May the Lord bless you in every way in your peaceful pursuit of a righteous resolution of this matter. ***
Thank you! And I am so sorry for your heartbreaking experiences!
After my response to the stunning abuse by an excuse of a human, I read your talkm abd it was absolutely beautiful, A work of true literary art written by someone who KNOWS the Savior, and not just knows ABOUT him. Thank you so much for countering that little weakling, and making my evening better, as I prepare for Fast Sunday.
I am sorry you went through something similar! Thank you for your words of empathy!
Thank you so much. The abuse from that one abuser caused a major stroke, but I refused to let that evil flunky of Satan win!
I will spend the rest of my days pursuing accountability against that scumbag, if for no other reason but to make sure no other victims are destroyed by that two-legged animal, and will testify against him at the judgement seat of Christ! ***
Beautiful talk and testimony of Jesus.
I am so very sorry for the un Christlike response you got. Completely cruel and wrong.
May His Spirit help you again overcome this pain and injustice as it has in your past.
Thank you!
We have been taught that there will be opposition in all things. It’s sad but true.
That was a beautiful talk. Don’t let the note get you down. Keep leaning on the Savior. Hugs
Thank you so much ❤️
I cannot believe someone sent a letter like that. I pity them for their bitter soul. I hope you can see it for what it is and not let it drag you down. Speakers chosen for a Sunday like Christmas Eve are chosen carefully I would think. They chose someone they knew could give an articulate talk that taught and testified of the Savior. I thought it was a great talk reading it now and I thank you for your insights.
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
This is a beautiful talk.
We all learn and teach from our own experiences.
I am so sorry to hear of the cruelty from that ward member.
I have experienced cruelty from members of various wards I have been in. But I always remember, we are all here with our own free agency. We can not control peoples words or opions of us, right or wrong.
The gospel is always the same, with tenders mercies, with the love of our father in heaven and the love of Jesus Christ. What really matters is the Gospel!
I’m not saying that it’s easy to hear what others have to say or that their ideas of who they think we are is easy to take. But what really matters are those who loves us, who know us and that the lord knows us, our hearts, our struggles and that we can lean on him during trying times.
Please continue to share your amazing testimony. Don’t stop writing, teaching and giving talks, there is always someone who needs to here it.
Today that person was me.
Thank you.
This is so kind – thank you!!
The note is nothing to do with you, very obviously. It’s cruel and unkind. I’m sorry this happened; you are a gift and your ward is lucky to have you!❤️Lovely words from a lovely human.
Aw – thank you ❤️❤️
Beautiful talk! Frankly, I love it when speakers share personal stories because it helps get to know them better! Keep going, hold your head high! Does your bishop know about the letter? It almost sounds like a mean kid’s idea of being funny ????????❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you! Yes – the bishop does know about the letter. He’s a good man but I think he just wasn’t sure how to handle it,