Think of a funeral you have attended. Most lifetimes are composed of years and even decades of experiences.  But a eulogy must capture the essence of that person’s life with just a few anecdotes.  Out of all the possibilities, far too many to fit into a short speech, how does the eulogist choose which stories to tell?  Perhaps those that best demonstrate what that person valued, the struggles they overcame, or what they accomplished?  Maybe those that demonstrate a positive attribute of the deceased that others may wish to emulate?  Or maybe stories that are simply quirky and entertaining; stories that can make the audience smile as they remember their loved one?

These chapters contain the stories that Israelites chose to remember and pass down about their ancestors: the patriarchs and matriarchs of the Israelite people. Their lived experiences must have been more expansive than what we read in these short pages; some women do not even have speaking parts in the text, so we must read between the lines to guess at who they really were.  As we read these stories, let’s keep in mind, why did Israelite storytellers choose these particular stories to preserve and share about their ancestors?  What were they trying to say about their ancestors, and in turn, about themselves as a people, by sharing these stories?  What kinds of stories and perspectives may have been lost to the narrative because storytellers did not choose to share them?

Jacob leaves Canaan (in a hurry)

At the beginning of Genesis 28, we see Isaac instruct his son, Jacob, to go to Haran (Padan-aram), the home of Rebekah’s brother, Laban,  and choose  a wife from among his daughters (Genesis 28:1-2).

But if we look back a bit, we are reminded that Jacob’s mother, Rebekah, orchestrated this moment. While her twin sons were still in the womb, God revealed to Rebekah that Jacob, not his brother Esau, should hold the birthright (Genesis 25:23). After her sons had grown up, Rebekah ensured this outcome by tricking her husband, Isaac, into giving Jacob the birthright blessing instead of Esau (Genesis 27:1-40).

Dr. Susan Niditch points out that ancient cultures may have viewed this kind of trickery differently than we might today.

One of the biblical authors’ favorite narrative patterns is that of the trickster. Israelites tend to portray their ancestors, and thereby to imagine themselves, as underdogs, as people outside the establishment who achieve success in roundabout, irregular ways. One of the ways marginals confront those in power and achieve their goals is through deception or trickery. The improvement in their status may be only temporary, for to be a trickster is to be of unstable status, to be involved in transformation and change. In Genesis, tricksters are found among Israelites sojourning in foreign lands, among younger sons who would inherit, and among women.

—Susan Niditch, Newsom, C. A., Ringe, S. H., & Lapsley, J. E. (2012). Women’s Bible Commentary, Third Edition

• Why would Israelites be proud of having underdogs as ancestors?
• How does our judgment of others’ actions change when we consider how lack of power and privilege may have limited their options?

Rebekah is praised because she ensures that Jacob will be the son to continue the special line according to God’s will. Rebekah demonstrates that women in Israel could make crucial decisions about their destinies without negative consequences. Their prayers were acknowledged, and they sometimes knew what God designed even better than their husbands; therefore, they took the steps necessary to support God’s plans for the community.

—David J. Zucker & Moshe Reiss,  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015)

This may have been God’s intended outcome, but naturally, Esau was upset at his treatment. He threatened to kill Jacob (Genesis 21:41) and Rebekah acted quickly to prevent tragedy. She convinced Isaac to send Jacob to her brother Laban’s home to look for a wife, and told Jacob to stay there until Esau had calmed down (Genesis 27:43-46, 28:1-7).

The Vision: Jacob’s Ladder

En route to Haran, Jacob has a dream.

And he ^adreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven: and behold the ^bangels of God ascending and descending on it.

And, behold, the ^aLord stood ^babove it, and said, I am the ^cLord God of Abraham thy father, and the God of Isaac: the ^dland whereon thou liest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed;

And thy seed shall be as the dust of the earth, and thou shalt spread abroad to the west, and to the east, and to the ^anorth, and to the south: and in thee and in thy ^bseed shall all the ^cfamilies of the earth be ^dblessed.

And, behold, ^aI am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will ^bbring thee again into this ^cland; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.

Genesis 28:12-15

• How do you interpret this dream?
• Why do you think Jacob had this dream during this crucial time in his life?
• How have you found inspiration during important life transitions?

And Jacob awaked out of his sleep, and he said, Surely the Lord is in this place; and I knew it not.

And he was afraid, and said, How dreadful is this place! this is none other but the house of God, and this is the gate of ^aheaven.

And Jacob rose up early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put for his pillows, and set it up for a ^apillar, and poured oil upon the top of it.

And he called the name of that place ^aBeth-el: but the name of that city was called ^bLuz at the first.

And Jacob vowed a ^avow, saying, If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and raiment to put on,

So that I come again to my father’s house in peace; then shall the ^aLord be my God:

And this stone, which I have set for a pillar, shall be God’s house: and of all that thou shalt give me I will surely give the ^atenth unto thee.

Genesis 28:16-22

• How did Jacob act on the inspiration he received in the dream?
• How can we follow Jacob’s example in our modern lives?

Jacob meets Rachel

Jacob continues his journey to Haran and meets Rachel there when she comes to the well, bringing sheep to water (Genesis 29:1-9).

You will recall that when Abraham’s servant came to Haran to find a wife for Isaac, he also found the right woman at a well, possibly even at the same well. That was Jacob’s mother, Rebekah.

Dr. Niditch points out that there is a reason ancient storytellers emphasized this setting for Biblical heroines; water was known to their audiences as a symbol for motherhood.

The associations in literature between fertility and water are ancient intuitive acknowledgments of our watery origins on earth and in our mothers’ wombs, and of the source of life upon which we continue to depend.

—Susan Niditch, Newsom, C. A., Ringe, S. H., & Lapsley, J. E. (2012). Women’s Bible Commentary, Third Edition

I see the influence of Jacob’s mother, Rebekah, in his next move. When Rebekah met Abraham’s servant at the well, he asked for water and she not only gave him a drink, but volunteered to draw water for his ten camels as well, a time-consuming and exhausting task (Genesis 24:17-20). Rebecca’s son Jacob now shows that same industriousness and willingness to serve.

And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother’s brother, that Jacob went near, and rolled the stone from the well’s mouth, and ^awatered the flock of Laban his mother’s brother.

Genesis 29:10

• How have you been influenced by your mother or other mentors?
• What good habits have they passed on to you?

The Weddings of Jacob to Rachel and Leah

(This part is pretty messed up.)

Jacob asks his uncle Laban for permission to marry Rachel. He has no money, so he agrees to work for Laban for seven years to pay the bride-price.

Dr. Niditch explains that a bride-price was customary in this culture (and in many other cultures). She adds that women were treated as “items of exchange, extremely valuable commodities, as precious as the water with which they are associated, but commodities nevertheless.” (Newsom, C. A., Ringe, S. H., & Lapsley, J. E. (2012). Women’s Bible Commentary, Third Edition)

While this way of viewing women is distasteful, to put it mildly, it is fun to  read this particularly romantic passage in the text:

And Jacob served seven years for ^aRachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the ^blove he had to her.

Genesis 29:20

But on the wedding night, instead of bringing Rachel, Laban substitutes her sister, Leah, and Jacob somehow fails to notice he has married the wrong woman until after the marriage is consummated.

And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it was Leah: and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?

And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the ^afirstborn.

Genesis 29:24-25

Was there really some sort of local requirement to marry off the older sister first? Probably not. Laban is a trickster and has found an opportunity to win seven extra years of indentured servitude from Jacob, “himself a trickster” who tricked his father and brother back home in Canaan. This story would have been particularly entertaining to ancient Israelites because “trickster confronts trickster.” (See Dr. Susan Niditch,  Newsom, C. A., Ringe, S. H., & Lapsley, J. E. (2012). Women’s Bible Commentary, Third Edition)

Laban continues:

Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years.

And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also.

Genesis 29:27-28

While some scholars believe that Jacob had to work for another seven years before marrying Rachel, “most translators and commentators understand this to mean that after Jacob completes the seven-day bridal festivities with Leah, then he can marry Rachel.” He would then stay on working for Laban for seven additional years, while married to both daughters throughout that time. (See David J. Zucker & Moshe Reiss,  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015))

Leah’s challenges

The Biblical storytellers compare Leah to Rachel unfavorably, although exactly what they were saying about Leah and her eyes is unclear and differs from translation to translation.

Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was ^abeautiful and well ^bfavoured.

Genesis 29:17

Some scholars think the storytellers meant that Leah was unattractive because she had ugly eyes. (I can relate to that.) Others think the problem was that Leah had poor eyesight. (I can also relate to that.) Still others think the Biblical authors were paying Leah a backhanded compliment along the lines of, “Leah had nice eyes, but she wasn’t a hottie like her sister.” (I have beautiful sisters, so I relate to that, too.) (See David J. Zucker & Moshe Reiss,  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015))

Whatever it meant, such comparisons could not have been pleasant for Leah. Also, as a modern reader with only these texts available to me to understand who Leah was, I am disappointed that the storytellers neglected to tell us anything about Leah’s character or intellect, and instead fixated on one physical attribute.

• Why kinds of superficial and arbitrary traits do we continue to overvalue today?
• How can we overcome these tendencies?

Looking out through a window, not just into a mirror, allows us to see ourselves as His. We naturally turn to Him in prayer, and we are eager to read His words and to do His will. We are able to take our validation vertically from Him, not horizontally from the world around us or from those on Facebook or Instagram.

—Rosemary M. Wixom, Primary General President, Discovering the Divinity Within, October 2015 General Conference

• What does it mean to look “out through a window” instead of “into a mirror”?
• To take validation “vertically” instead of “horizontally”?
• How can we apply this counsel in our lives?

And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was ^abarren.

Genesis 29:31

Notice that without an accurate understanding of the biology of reproduction, Biblical writers tended to attribute fertility problems to God and/or to women (not their male partners).

But before we discuss Rachel’s struggles with infertility,  let’s consider what this verse tells us about Leah’s life.

Leah’s relationship with Jacob is prejudiced by the way she became his wife; in effect, she was forced upon him. Consequently, she becomes the focal point for his misplaced anger, which should more appropriately his be directed at Laban. …The biblical text (Gen 29: 31) states that Leah is hated, unloved, disfavored, or neglected. The text does not specify who feels this way toward her. It could refer to the feelings of Laban, who puts Leah in an impossible position; it could be the feelings of Jacob, who takes out his anger on Leah (who is but a pawn in this power play) because he was duped by Laban; it could be the feelings of Rachel, who would be rightfully jealous of having to share Jacob’s affections and attention; or it could be any combination of these possibilities.

—David J. Zucker & Moshe Reiss,  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015)

• Have you ever been placed in an impossible position?
• How can we cope when others treat us unfairly?

One of the few occasions when ancient writers pay serious attention to the words of women is when they give birth to and name sons. Leah uses these opportunities to make her voice heard.

Leah not only names her children, but those words are “soliloquies [which] . . . underline her isolation and her longing for Jacob’s affection.”

—Gordon J. Wenham,  as quoted in  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015)

Notice Leah’s words as she names her first four children:

And ^aLeah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name ^bReuben: for she said, Surely the Lord hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me.

And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the Lord hath heard that I was ^ahated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name ^bSimeon.

And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called ^aLevi.

And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I ^apraise the Lord: therefore she called his name ^bJudah; and left bearing.

Genesis 29:32-35

• How do Leah’s words and feelings change over time?
• How might Leah have found strength to adjust to the “impossible situation” she was living in?

When naming her first three sons—Reuben, Simeon, and Levi—Leah verbalizes the (unrealized) hope that Jacob will now love her. With Judah’s birth (Judah means “God will be praised), Leah “makes no mention of her hope for improved relations with her husband . . . She may not enjoy her husband’s affection, but God has given her four sons, and she must be grateful for that . . . here . . . [her] lament turns to praise.”

—Gordon J. Wenham,  as quoted in  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015)

• How can we feel gratitude even in the midst of bad situations?

We must remember to rejoice over all that is good in us. This will strengthen our inner selves and leave us less dependent on outward acclaim. When our souls pay less attention to public praise, they then also care very little about public disapproval.

—Patricia T. Holland, First Counselor, Young Women General Presidency, “One Thing Needful: Becoming Women of Greater Faith in Christ” Ensign, October 1987

• What strategies help you to become less dependent on approval from others?

Rachel’s Challenges

While infertility continues to be devastating for those who experience it in our modern world, within this ancient culture there were additional pressures on women to conceive, and particularly to conceive sons. Rachel articulates her frustration to Jacob this way:

And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel ^aenvied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.

And Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in ^aGod’s stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?

Genesis 30:1-2

Notice that while Rachel intuitively understands that her male partner may factor into their infertility, Jacob, like the Biblical storytellers, continues to attribute fertility issues to God and his female partner. This unfair blame must have placed additional pressure on Rachel, as did the  lack of women’s rights in her society which left her dependent on male heirs.

In the ancient Near East, one vital measure of a wife’s worth was her ability to bear sons—to tend the fields, herd the flocks, defend land and honor, and carry on the family name. For the woman herself, unable to inherit on her own, sons represented security in her old age.

—Ellen Frankel,  as quoted in  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015)

• How can we combat norms or policies in our societies that are harmful to women or other demographics of people?

This difficult situation introduces tension into Rachel and Jacob’s marriage.

The tension in the scene between Jacob and Rachel in 30: 1–2 is fraught with desperate realism, as she cries, “Give me children, or I shall die!” And he responds bitterly, “Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?”

—Susan Niditch, Newsom, C. A., Ringe, S. H., & Lapsley, J. E. (2012). Women’s Bible Commentary, Third Edition

• How can we protect our relationships in stressful circumstances?

The Sisterhood and Rivalry of Rachel and Leah

Rachel asks Leah for an herb harvested by Leah’s oldest son Reuben because it is believed to treat infertility.  In Leah’s answer, we witness tension between Rachel and Leah.

And she said unto her, Is it a small matter that thou hast ^ataken my husband? and wouldest thou take away my son’s mandrakes also?

Genesis 30:15

Rachel describes the tension this way:

^aWith great wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister.

Genesis 30:8

Ongoing tensions between Rachel and Leah were driven by external pressures that were harmful to both of them.

The struggle between Rachel and Leah clearly arises from a context of patriarchal structures and expectations. The narrator presents a society that determines the value of women by the number of sons that they bear . . . these women are desperate to become pregnant and bear sons in order to have the esteem of both men and women.

—Sharon Pace Jeansonne,  as quoted in  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015)

The problem for Rachel and Leah is indeed one of un-wholeness. Neither are allowed to be whole persons. From the beginning they were introduced to us only as parts, as though neither were complete in herself (29: 16–17) . . . each woman possesses something the other does not . . . Rachel is the wife, the lover, the one desired by her husband. Leah is the mother, the “other,” and fertile to a fault, it seems. They each want to be the other. Rachel may have her husband’s love but what she really wants is children . . . Leah, on the other hand, has plenty of children, sons . . . [but what] Leah wants, however, is her husband’s love . . . She, like Rachel, is caught in a vain attempt to change her life.

—Danna Nolan Fewell, and David Gunn,  as quoted in  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015)

• Do any of these societal pressures still exist in our society today?
• How do our modern societies pressure us to compete against each other instead of supporting and cooperating together?
• How can we overcome such influences?

The adversary would have us be critical or judgmental of one another. He wants us to concentrate on our differences and compare ourselves to one another. You may love to exercise vigorously for an hour each day because it makes you feel so good, while I consider it to be a major athletic event if I walk up one flight of stairs instead of taking the elevator. We can still be friends, can’t we? We as women can be particularly hard on ourselves. When we compare ourselves to one another, we will always feel inadequate or resentful of others. Sister Patricia T. Holland once said, “The point is, we simply cannot call ourselves Christian and continue to judge one another—or ourselves—so harshly.” She goes on to say that there is nothing that is worth us losing our compassion and sisterhood over. We just need to relax and rejoice in our divine differences. We need to realize that we all desire to serve in the kingdom, using our unique talents and gifts in our own ways. Then we can enjoy our sisterhood and our associations and begin to serve. The fact of the matter is, we really and truly need each other. Women naturally seek friendship, support, and companionship. We have so much to learn from one another, and we often let self-imposed barriers keep us from enjoying associations which could be among the greatest blessings in our lives.

—Bonnie L. Oscarson, Young Women General President, “Sisterhood: Oh, How We Need Each Other,” General Conference, April 2014

• How can we rejoice in our divine differences?

Leaving Haran

Fast forward several years. Rachel has at last given birth to a son, Joseph, and Leah has given birth at least three more times, to Issachar, Zebulon and Dinah (Genesis 30:17-25).

And the Lord said unto Jacob, ^aReturn unto the land of thy fathers, and to thy kindred; and ^bI will be with thee.

Genesis 31:3

Although Jacob feels inspired through personal revelation to return to Canaan, Jacob consults with Leah and Rachel (Genesis 31:4-16).

Since this was a patriarchal society, Jacob could have simply told his wives they were leaving. His solicitation of their cooperation marks his respect for their power and position within his immediate family structure.

—David J. Zucker & Moshe Reiss,  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015)

• Why should we consult with our spouses about important decisions like this one, even when we feel inspired?

Rachel and Leah respond unanimously.

And Rachel and Leah answered and said unto him, Is there yet any portion or ^ainheritance for us in our father’s house?

Are we not counted of him strangers? for he hath sold us, and hath quite devoured also our money.

For all the riches which God hath taken from our father, that is ours, and our children’s: now then, whatsoever God hath said unto thee, do.

Genesis 31:14-16

Here, the sisters identify their father as their abuser and recognize that they are allies, not enemies.

The language of 31:15 is very strong. Though men are said to acquire wives with the verb that often means “to buy,” nowhere else in the Hebrew Scriptures is a proper marriage described as a father’s selling (makar) his daughters. …Thus, bitterly and poignantly, the daughters of Laban describe themselves in their relationship to their father as exploited and dispossessed slaves, treated as foreign women unrelated to him. The author of this text assumes that women are economic objects, but implies that at least a man’s own daughters should be treated as more than property. The sisters’ complaint is a remarkably critical statement by women about their treatment and status. Although they do not directly condemn the whole system of which Laban is a part, they state that their rights have not been upheld, even within the requirements of that exploitative system. Indirectly they call attention to a world in which people are bought and sold.

—Susan Niditch, Newsom, C. A., Ringe, S. H., & Lapsley, J. E. (2012). Women’s Bible Commentary, Third Edition

This joint decision marks a change in the sisters’ relationship.

Previously the sisters have employed language as a mode of competition; but here they speak with one voice, indicating their common desire and alliance with Jacob—and, implicitly, with each other.

—Rachel Havrelock, as quoted in  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015)

As they prepare to leave, Rachel steals Laban’s “images” or “household gods” (Genesis 31:19).

There is much debate among scholars about what the images were that were stolen by Rachel and what they represented. The Hebrew word which is sometimes used for small images of false gods is teraphim. Some translators render the word as ‘household gods.’ … One scholar theorized that these images were somehow tied in with the legal rights of inheritance (see D. Guthrie and J. A. Motyer, eds., The New Bible Commentary, p 104). If this theory is correct, the possessor of the teraphim had the right to inherit the father’s property. This circumstance would explain why Rachel stole the images, since her father had ‘stolen’ her inheritance (see Genesis 31:14–16).

— Old Testament Seminary Teacher Manual, Lesson 32: Genesis 31-32

Laban pursues his daughters and son-in-law and and searches their camp for the stolen goods (Genesis 31:20-33), but he does not find them because Rachel sits on them and claims that she cannot stand because she is menstruating (Genesis 31:34-35).

Let it not displease my lord that I cannot rise up before thee; for the custom of women is upon me.

Genesis 31:35

There may be a double entendre in Rachel’s choice of words.

Rachel’s words reveal something true both about the inequity of her own situation in the context of the story and that of women in ancient Israelite culture more generally. Beyond possessing mere descriptive power, however, Rachel’s words also constitute a discourse of resistance, a subtle protest against the patriarchal discourse and social structures that attempt to silence her. Rachel’s speech has three levels of meaning. She deceives her father by claiming she is menstruating; she is asserting that in the world in which she lives, women do “not have access to the same legal process” that men do; and therefore, she “has chosen extra-legal means to get justice,” all of which she asserts in her statement that this is “the way of women” in which she finds herself.
—David J. Zucker & Moshe Reiss,  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015)

Laban’s paternal and therefore male authority—an authority related to his ownership of his own household gods—is undermined by his female offspring’s clever exploitation of that which makes her most markedly female. Covert woman’s power in this one brief scene dominates man’s overt authority.

—Susan Niditch, Newsom, C. A., Ringe, S. H., & Lapsley, J. E. (2012). Women’s Bible Commentary, Third Edition

Jacob’s Wrestle with the Lord

As Jacob and his family approach Canaan, Jacob sends a message of peace to his estranged brother, Esau (Genesis 32:3-5). The messengers return and inform Jacob that Esau is coming to meet him…with a 400-man army (Geneses 32:6).

Jacob sends gifts to Esau that he hopes will appease him, plans escape strategies in case the gifts don’t work, and prays for deliverance (Geneses 32:7-20).

That night, Jacob has a strange visitation from a mysterious messenger.

And Jacob was left alone; and there ^awrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.

And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob’s thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.

And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.

Genesis 32:24-26

• Why might wrestling be a good way to describe what we must do as we seek blessings from the Lord?
• Why do you think the Lord requires us to put forth great effort before we receive some blessings?

The messenger responds to Jacob’s demand for a blessing like this:

And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.

Genesis 32:27

What’s so striking about our passage is that Jacob receives a question in response to his demand for a blessing — it seems to me that the question itself is the blessing he receives.

The right question, at the right time, from the right person, can change a person’s life, enabling them to see and understand themselves in an entirely new light. When God asks a question, it’s not for the sake of an answer, but for the sake of an inner response, a change in the person.

Who am I? What is the name I have made for myself, and what is the name I am capable of achieving? Just to ask the question can move us towards a better answer — just to ask the question, and thus demonstrate our capacity for growth and introspection, is one of the greatest blessings we have as human beings.

— Rabbi Neal J. Loevinger, Why the Angel Asks Jacob His Name

• Do you have any experiences where someone asked you the right question at the right time?

After asking Jacob his name, the messenger changes it.

And he said, Thy ^aname shall be called no more Jacob, but ^bIsrael: ^cfor as a ^dprince hast thou ^epower with God and with men, and hast ^fprevailed.

Genesis 32:28

The Bible Dictionary defines Israel as “One who prevails with God or Let God prevail.”

And Jacob asked him, and said, Tell me, I pray thee, thy name. And he said, Wherefore is it that thou dost ask after my ^aname? And he ^bblessed him there.

And Jacob called the name of the place ^aPeniel: for I have ^bseen God ^cface to face, and my life is preserved.

Genesis 32:29-30

I love this sermon by Rev. Emily Brown about Jacob’s wrestle with the Lord:

Commentators have observed the ambiguity of the figure with whom Jacob wrestles. Is it a man? An angel? Is it God? Some have been reluctant to accept a portrayal of God in human form, engaging in the primal physicality of a wrestling match. Others have pointed to the words at the beginning of the story, “a man wrestled with him until daybreak.” But by the end of the story, Jacob and his opponent seem to be clear about who Jacob has been wrestling with: “you have striven with God and with humans,” the figure declares as he gives Jacob his new name, Israel. “I have seen God face to face,” Jacob asserts as he names the place “the face of God.” Perhaps, like so many before and after him, perhaps including us, Jacob recognizes God not in the moment of wrestling, but as he reflects on his experiences.

Jacob may be the first figure in our faith tradition to wrestle with God, but he is certainly not the last. Faithful Jews and Christians have continued to wrestle – although perhaps more metaphorically – to this day. Some of us here have wrestled with God, as well – with questions of faith and doubt, with scriptures that are difficult to understand or difficult to live, with religious traditions or identities that don’t seem to fit, with seasons of despair and difficulty, where God seems distant or absent.

…Because when we hear this story, perhaps it can remind us that there is no shame in wrestling. We are not promised that the life of faith will be simple or easy. We are not called as Christians to always be sure, or always feel happy. But we are invited to be faithful, even tenacious, in the face of challenges, to hold on to our faith even when the only way we know to hold on is to wrestle. This story reminds us that wrestling with faith and with God does not mean our faith has failed, but that our faith journey is taking a new turn.

Faith is not some fragile knick-knack that must be carefully kept on a shelf, guarded from the elements, handled with kid gloves. God is not brittle or breakable. God can endure our questions, our doubts, our fears, our wonderings. God’s love is strong enough to persist through long dark nights of wrestling. There is no shame in struggling with faith; the challenge is not to avoid struggle, but like Jacob, just to hang on, when hanging on seems almost impossible.

“I will not let you go, unless you bless me,” Jacob said to God.

…Sometimes the blessing is a new understanding, or a changed perspective. Sometimes faith deepened or hope restored. Sometimes a transformed heart, a transformed relationship with others or with God. Sometimes a change in our lives. And sometimes the blessing is in the wrestling itself. Whether we wrestle with a difficult scripture, a troubling teaching, a crisis of faith, or something else, we can echo Jacob’s words: “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” And perhaps when the morning dawns, we will find that in that wrestling, we received a blessing. Perhaps we will find ourselves marked and changed and transformed by that struggle.

Perhaps when the morning dawns, we will find that we have seen God face to face.

— Rev. Emily M. Brown, August 4, 2014, Wrestling with God

• Have you ever had a spiritual experience you did not recognize as one until later, after you looked back to reflect?

Bilhah and Zilpah

(Time to talk about some hard stuff.)

In the morning, Jacob—now renamed Israel—prepares to meet Esau’s army by organizing his family.  He places Rachel and her only son, Joseph, in the far back, which is the safest position.  Still showing his favoritism for Rachel over Leah, he places Leah and her children in a less secure position, ahead of Rachel and Joseph. And he places “his handmaids and their children” in front, exposed to a potential attack (Genesis 33:2).

Who are these handmaids and children that Jacob seems to see as expendable?

The children are Dan, Naphtali, Gad and Asher, and they are Jacob’s own biological sons. Their mothers, the handmaids, are Bilhah and Zilpah, who are enslaved by Jacob, Rachel and Leah (Genesis 30:3-13).

During the long period of infertility before Rachel successfully conceived Joseph, she “gave [Jacob] Bilhah her handmaid to wife” (Genesis 30:3) then claimed Bilhah’s sons, Dan and Naphtali, as her own (Genesis 30:4-8). Assuming incorrectly that she was beginning menopause, Leah followed suit; “She took Zilpah her maid, and gave her Jacob to wife” (Genesis 30:9). Leah claimed Zilpah’s sons, Gad and Asher, as her own (Genesis 30:910-13).

It is probably safe to assume that surrogate motherhood was an actual custom in the ancient Near East and would have been eminently possible in a world in which slavery was practiced and persons’ sexual services could be donated by their masters or mistresses.

—Susan Niditch, Newsom, C. A., Ringe, S. H., & Lapsley, J. E. (2012). Women’s Bible Commentary, Third Edition

Zucker and Moshe explain that sons born to enslaved women would have been viewed as the sons of Rachel and Leah, not their enslaved birth mothers. For slaveholding women like Rachel and Leah, having more sons would have been  “a mark of status,” regardless of whether they gave birth to the sons themselves or adopted them. (See David J. Zucker & Moshe Reiss,  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015).)

However, we can see from how Jacob/Israel treats these sons while preparing for attack, that their father clearly views the sons he conceived with enslaved women differently than the biological sons of Rachel and Leah (Genesis 33:2). Likewise, the Biblical text calls Bilhah and Zilpah “wives” but when Jacob considers moving back to Canaan, he only counsels with Rachel and Leah. As slaves, Bilhah and Zilpah will go where they are sent; their opinions are not relevant (Genesis 31:4-16).

Bilhah and Zilpah are never quoted in Genesis, yet they played important roles as matriarchs of the Twelve Tribes of Israel. Rachel  goes on to die in childbirth while giving birth to Joseph’s younger brother, Benjamin. Therefore, ancient rabbis believed that Bilhah was the mother who raised Joseph, who became the next Israelite prophet and the political leader who saved Egypt from famine (See Genesis Rabbah 84.11, as quoted in  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015))

Bilhah and Zilpah, Jacob’s third and fourth wives, have no voice in Genesis, although the early extra-biblical literature does present Bilhah vocalizing her distress when Reuben sexually violates her. Bilhah and Zilpah each gives birth to two of the eponymous heads of the future tribes of Israel. Bilhah is the birth mother of Dan and Naphtali, just as Zilpah is the birth mother of Gad and Asher. They are deservedly the sixth and seventh of Genesis’ Matriarchs. Too often, biblical women are unable to speak (or are prohibited from speaking) for themselves. Rather, women are portrayed through the male gaze, whereby men and men’s experience are central to the narrative, while women and women’s voices and experiences are only, if ever, understood through a masculine lens.

—David J. Zucker & Moshe Reiss,  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015)

Biblical storytellers failed to truly “see” Bilhah and Zilpah, except through the distorted lens of the male gaze. Likewise, in spite of the spiritual gifts of Jacob/Israel, Leah and Rachel that led God to choose them as spiritual leaders for their people, they were blinded by the norms of their culture and failed to see the evils of slavery.

Even in our busy lives, we can follow the example of Jesus and see individuals—their needs, their faith, their struggle, and who they can become.

—Michelle D. Craig, First Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, “Eyes to See” General Conference, October 2020

In keeping with this counsel, let’s take a moment to actually see Bilhah and Zilpah. Let’s start with the obvious:

It is deeply problematic that the matriarchs potentially force their servants into undesired sexual relations.

—Rachel Havrelock, as quoted in  The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views. (2015)

• How might Jacob’s story be different from the perspective of Bilhah or Zilpah?
• How can we better see people who are marginalized in our own modern societies?

Esau’s Forgiveness

When Esau and Jacob/Israel finally see each other, Esau’s reaction is completely different from what Jacob/Israel had feared.

And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept.

Genesis 33:4

What brought about this change?

By itself, of course, the passage of time does not bring an automatic advance. Yet, like the prodigal son, we often need the “process of time” in order to come to our spiritual senses. (Luke 15:17.) The touching reunion of Jacob and Esau in the desert, so many years after their sibling rivalry, is a classic example. Generosity can replace animosity. Reflection can bring perception. But reflection and introspection require time. So many spiritual outcomes require saving truths to be mixed with time, forming the elixir of experience, that sovereign remedy for so many things.

—Neal A. Maxwell, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “Endure It Well” General Conference April 1990

• Have you ever experienced a reconciliation after a “process of time”?
• How did you prepare yourself spiritually to forgive and reconcile with your loved one?
• How can we build patience to allow time for healing?

Recommended Readings

I could not have written this lesson plan without two helpful references, and I would encourage everyone who studies or teaches these chapters of Genesis to get their own copies:

The Matriarchs of Genesis: Seven Women, Five Views

Women’s Bible Commentary