“A Friend I Can Take Anywhere”

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I went to six elementary schools, and changing schools didn’t always align with moving up a grade. For example, my fifth-grade year was split between two schools; after spending two and a half years at one school, being uprooted in the middle of that year was particularly disruptive to me. Instead of walking to school through misty parks and hedgerows, I had to ride a bus where the driver blasted Def Leppard — music I’d never heard before and was pretty sure was “bad.” I was suddenly without friends in a new class with a social pecking order that felt immutable, if not entirely understandable. I needed a friend; just one would be enough. And I found one. Kay had long brown hair secured with barrettes and she came from a religious family with six children, much like mine. She was someone I could share my problems and secrets with. Kay made fifth grade fun, and I cried when, at the end of the year, my family moved again. Although I’d only known her a short time, she made my new school feel like home.

Twenty years later, I was uprooted in a different way. Not in physical location, but in ways that felt much more unsettling than a change in address.

Twenty years later, I was uprooted in a different way. Not in physical location, but in ways that felt much more unsettling than a change in address. I had finally finished graduate school, but I felt like a mess. I had washed out of academia. I was figuring out how to be a new mom with full-time employment, something no one in my peer group was doing. I felt alone among other young moms at church and among my childless colleagues at work. My faith was in tatters, my marriage was strained, and I felt increasingly out of sync with my family of origin because of political differences. Who was I and where did I belong? Who would see and understand me?

I don’t recall how I came across the Exponent II blog. It was probably around 2009, and I was new to blogs in general. I was immediately attracted to Exponent II, which, I learned, was also a magazine! Run by smart, insightful, and kind women who were so welcoming to me. I could hardly believe it when my guest posts were accepted, then a spot as a permablogger, then articles in the paper, and a role as the Generations feature editor for the paper. This was a group of women with questions like mine, who shared disappointments and joys that I could relate to, and who pushed me to think differently than I had before. I didn’t live near other Exponent contributors, but they were a spiritual home to me, a place where I could fill my cup and figure things out. The Exponent II community was the friend I needed at that difficult juncture in my life, and just like my friend in fifth grade, it felt like home. Happily, Exponent II is a friend I can take anywhere, and forever!

Emily is a mom, university administrator, and writer. She has been contributing to the magazine since 2017.

Wilmette, Illinois

“A Friend I Can Take Anywhere” ritual

ARTIST STATEMENT

Baby Bride

Mixed media on canvas, 24 x 12 in.

For the occasion of Exponent II’s 50th anniversary, this work represents the physical and psychological consequences for child brides across time and cultures. “Baby Bride” utilizes found objects charged with symbolic meanings. On a black background of despair, the tulle skirt and black slippers, the only childish elements, reinforce the tragedy of this crime where adolescent girls become objects of exchange, violence, and exploitation.

Paola Bidinelli
paolabidinelli.com
@paolabidinelliart

“How Do You Say Thank You?” by Cynthia W. Connell

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