Dr. Mom

Shelly Savage
Volume 23, No. 3

As I grew up, all I ever wanted to be was a mom. I was a good student and planned on attending college, but I always felt that I would use my talents in the home. I know my mother, who stayed home to raise her eight children, influenced this thinking. I did end up going to college. The year before I graduated, I married my husband. I began teaching high school math and enjoyed it immensely. 

The summer after my first year of teaching, we had our first child, a baby girl. I had originally planned to go back to teaching to help put my husband through school, but I just could not bear the thought of leaving her. We were able to secure a job managing an apartment complex to help pay the bills while my husband finished his degree and also worked full time. The decision to quit my job was not very hard to make. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Many might say that this decision placed an undue burden on my husband to work full time and go to school, but it worked out well for us. 

Because my husband was able to work while going to school, by the time he graduated, we had been able to save a substantial amount of money. My husband had desired all his life to own his own business, and we felt like this was the perfect time to pursue this goal. In the meantime, we had another baby girl. As we pondered which type of business would be the best for our family to invest in, the idea of my going to medical school kept coming up. I kept dismissing it as a completely impossible thing to do because we had two children. My husband, however, recognized that my talents were suited to a career in medicine, and he continued to raise the topic for discussion. He also liked the idea of owning a medical practice where his wife was the physician. After intense discussion and much prayer, we decided that this was the right path for our family to pursue. We knew that it would not be easy and that it would take a significant sacrifice from each member of our family to make it work, but we felt strongly that if we worked together as a team, we would all benefit in the long run. So we made the big plunge.

I don't remember thinking that by deciding to go to medical school I was deciding to be a working mother, but my husband and I had determined that the care of our children would be a joint venture and that we would work together to make sure our family came first while we worked to accomplish our goals. 

In the beginning, my husband's work schedule was flexible enough to arrange around my school schedule. He worked swing shifts so that he could be home with the children while I was at school, and then I was home while he was at work. This schedule worked well for our family, but my husband and I had to work hard to make time to be together. During this time, we added a little boy to our family. 

When I reached the third year of medical school, things became more hectic. I was required to be on call at night and to be away from home more. We also added a fourth child, a girl, to our family. Because of the strain my schedule placed on our family and because I was unable to be flexible, we decided that my husband would quit his job and stay home with our children. This decision was fairly easy to make because when we first began our adventure, we had committed to putting our family first. 

Now I am in residency and work 80-100 hours per week. Because of the strain this heavy work load could have on our family – especially if my husband were also working and we were taking our children to day care – my husband is still at home with our children.

Our situation is non-traditional, but it is the one that works best for us. It is not easy, and I often wonder if, when my children are grown, they will ever say, "Mom, I wish you were just a mom and not a doctor, too." When I worry whether we are doing the right thing, I remember how good we felt about it initially and how well everything has worked out so far, and it helps me to put everything in perspective.

People often comment that we have "changed roles." Although this may appear to be true, our roles are very traditional. I am still the mom. I help my children with their homework, make cookies, fix my girls' hair, and drive them to dance lessons. The difference is that the kids' dad pitches in more than some others do. He does most of the cleaning (except toilets!), usually gets the kids off to school in the morning, and takes them to dance lessons when I am not available. 

I believe that the traditional roles of mom and dad go deeper than just cooking, braiding hair, doing laundry, or working outside the home. It's hard to describe in words; it is just fundamentally who we are. We share equally in all responsibilities for raising our children. It doesn't matter if he cooks the dinner or I do; our family needs to eat. If I help our daughter study for her spelling test or he does doesn't matter; she just needs help studying. 

An advantage of our lifestyle is that our children have a great relationship with their dad. Dads often work hard to provide for their families financially but forget to provide for them emotionally. Our children have the benefit of getting to know their father, and I believe they will be better people because of his influence in their lives. 

The key to the success we have had so far is that we formed our original plan together. Together we committed to make our family the most important part of our lives and agreed to sacrifice and work together to do this. When situations arise that require any change in our plan, we work together to make the best decision for our family. If the decision requires a sacrifice, we decide together who can most easily make it. 

Although it is difficult at times, I am happy with our decision. I feel as if I am living my childhood dream of being a mom and using my talents in my home. I just use them elsewhere, too. My husband is also fulfilling his dream of owning his own business; we are just taking the long way to get there. Only time will tell if our plans are realized, but I believe our family will be successful not only financially but spiritually, emotionally, and educationally if we continue to put our family first and work together toward the goals we have set for ourselves. 

Shelly grew up in the small town of Heber City, Utah, as the oldest of eight children. She now lives in Lindon, Utah, where she works hard to balance her roles of wife, mom, and doctor. In her spare time (!), she enjoys following her father, Bruce Summerhays, on the Senior PGA Tour.

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